2 of 3
One is curious how exactly this advice might translate into a contemporary workplace where women and men work side by side. My own inclination to defensive skepticism rather wonders at Dr. Kass and Dr. Kass's skepticism towards women in these male worlds. Does academia count too?
At any rate, for all my sympathy to ward the aims of this book (however much I may be inclined to hide it), I admit to some mild confusion as to its method. Here is presented a collection of writings from authors of many stripes, philosophers and theologians and social scientists and critics and novelists. The overarching purpose is to offer a real life look at courting and marrying, from thinkers whose words have a firm fleshy grip on the hearts of their readers. This is a deliberate move on the part of the editors, not only because they have the series title to live up to, but because, in their own words:
Part of the current trouble lies in the fact that we come to life and love increasingly burdened by theory, not to say ideology. True, human experience is always mediated experience, colored by our imaginings and opinions. But today, more than ever before, we live in the grip of image and opinion makers, often shallow and thoughtless, who deliberately and massively interpose themselves between us and "real life."
So what we have—and by we I mean those of us who are of what was once called "marriageable age" and are driven to coupledom regardless of our personal interest in marriage—is a sticky web of competing ideologies in which we are thoroughly entangled. Every time we try to break free, we find ourselves more hopelessly stuck. Stuck in hollow news releases on the top five predicting factors for divorce; stuck in advice columns on the glossy pages of Cosmo; stuck in academic-jargon-wracked imprints on the relative cultural sources of our desire for home and children; stuck in primetime sitcoms that make romance look so effortless and ourselves look so clueless. Stuck, dead-ended, fed up, hopeless, stuck. So much for theory.
And so as one who has crossed the fence to the greener pastures where people admit to craving marital bliss, it grieves me to have to ask if this other wise lovely volume is not in fact perpetuating the disease it would like to vaccinate against. You see, right now things have apparently degenerated so far that "the way to the altar is uncharted territory. It's every couple on its own bottom, without a compass, often without a goal." And yet is not this book quite the same thing: another potluck dish on the infinitely long smorgasbord that comprises American social life, a dish which some couples will adopt as they please and others will reject? Or worse yet, some individuals will adopt, and these contenders for the engagement ring will have to search for a mate within this small pool of applicants, for better or for worse? And how will they find each other? Will there be a wingtowing.com site where lonely hearts aching for the grand old ways of Western Civ can point and click until a suitable match is made?
I fear that, as I sit in the university library conspicuously perusing the pages of my copy of this book, some nice handsome Christian marriage-track young man will come along and our common philosophical commitments to holy matrimony will lead to a long and utterly disastrous courtship. We love marriage; we don't love each another. A bitter parting of the ways ensues, and once again, so much for theory.
share this page
RSS Feed
