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Yr. most divisive Uncle, etc.,
WASPHEAD
My dear Gallstone,
In re: my previous comments on the subject of unrealistic expectations, always and ever endeavour to put in yr. patient's mind the idea that the most beautiful siren the screen is presently offering is someone he deserves. Whether it be Gloria Swanson or Joey Heatherton or someone more current—I am eternally old and can hardly remember these "tomatoes" from one decade to the next—make him think that she is the standard he shd. expect. Again, it doesn't matter who it is, because these are hardly actual people anyway, certainly not what he sees. What he sees is 99 percent image and surface and this is exactly what we want for our purposes. (Viva Las Vegas, Gallstone!) So whoever is the image du jour (Lola Falana? Cher?) will do. But to keep current in this you might attend more of our media training classes down here. But even we can hardly keep up; I suppose we're victims of our own success, eh? In time we will be able to create actually fictional characters, digital to the core, and keep yr. warty fingers crossed that this happens as soon as possible!
Now, yr. female patient is slightly less susceptible to this sort of thing from the physical side of things, but she can easily be convinced that her man isn't enough of a "leader" or sensitive enough or some such balderdash if you'll put in her path at some weak moment a screen "hero" who possesses these qualities. This is a crude stratagem, but it is endlessly effective, and since she is recently unemployed and at loose ends, I recommend the mild soporific of an afternoon television drama.
Yr. ever disengaging Uncle,
WASPHEAD
My dear Gallstone,
I am gratified and favorably impressed that you should immediately upon my canny suggestion have begun to draw yr. female patient into the warm, soapy shallows of afternoon drama! These melodramatic dinosaurs have been a staple in our quiver for decades now. They are the sine qua non of televised unreality, and if you are able to get her genuinely addicted to one of these stories, you will have cut your work in half. It oughtn't take very long to convince her that the finest example of manhood on the planet is the evil doctor from such-and-such a show, if only someone could love him properly—and if she is typical, she will be deeply convinced that she can, that she must. … If ever a patient seems more the "bookish" sort try and put in her path one of those "romance" novels (we invented this genre ourselves, and it is surefire—get it? Sure fire?? Ha!). In any case, the ability of these "books" to pull a woman out of reality and into our world is unparalleled. If she has enough scruples to feel any guilt over reading this, suggest to her that she is only doing it to relax, or to take her mind off the myriad things that plague her. It is only a cup of herbal tea for her mind, a bubble bath with a plot … in a word, it's not only completely harmless, it's positively therapeutic. Besides, her husband doesn't make enough money to send her to a "real" spa, so what choice does she have?
Also, if you can get hubby to make a negative comment about this new habit of hers (do try to do this), she will likely snarl at him and it will further convince her that he doesn't understand her at all—certainly not the way "Lance" would if only she could somehow meet him, or someone like him. Are you beginning to "catch my drift", dear nephew?
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