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A second benefit is personal growth. As a mentor discusses character issues with a mentoree, both are forced to look at their own character issues.

Rodger Schmidt, who not only continues to be mentored but also mentors others in a student ministry at Galilee Baptist Church in Denver, says, "I can't look at someone else's life without evaluating my own. I have people looking to me for answers. It holds me to a different level of accountability. They're evaluating my life. It is very beneficial.

"For example, I often tell my mentorees, 'Ministry is not about me; it's not about me.' Well, one day I was under a lot of pressure, and I was frustrated, distant, and grumpy. As I began to share my frustrations about the ministry and how I was not able to concentrate at home because of all the things that needed to get done, my mentoree looked me square in the face and said, 'Is it about you or is it not?'

"I was not modeling my philosophy very well and he felt free enough in our relationship to say, 'This is where I thought we were headed. Is it true or is it not?' He became very honest with me. I had to learn the lesson I was trying to instill in others!"

What does a mentor actually do? At first, the tasks are:

1. Set the tone. Once contact is made between mentor and mentoree, it is up to the mentor to create an environment where trust blossoms. One way to deepen that trust is simply to tell your story. This opens doors and generates discussion. Sharing some of your struggles has a way of taking the relationship to a deeper level.

The setting is usually informal. Some mentorees become like another member of the mentor's family. They spend time at their home playing with their kids and eating meals. Other times a mentor will simply invite a mentoree along on ministry occasions.

"One of my mentors took me on pastoral visits," says Randy MacFarland. "I learned important things just by going along. "Another mentor was a model of servant leadership. As I was church planting, I could call him any time I was facing a new challenge. Whether it was asking him where to stand when officiating a funeral or seeing him pray through the church directory, by watching his life I experienced whole new dimensions of ministry.

"I believe every child needs to hear the words that Jesus heard at his baptism 'This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased.' David was one of those individuals who communicated that to me on numerous occasions. He was a male figure who verbalized his love for me. This made a huge difference in my life."

2. Clarify expectations. A safe place for this kind of learning requires three things: openness, hospitality, and boundaries.

Mentors do not want mentorees to expect too much or too little. Both problems can be avoided if expectations are discussed openly. Everything from "Is there homework?" to "Who pays for coffee?" should be agreed upon ahead of time so there will be mutual understanding. Unrealistic or unexplored expectations can come back to haunt you later.

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