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How much help should parents give an adult child? Pay overdue rent? Give money to a struggling business? Provide childcare? Repair a junk car? Help sort out marriage problems? Assist with the downpayment for a house? Arrange for work? Let him move back home?

Abram became a "parent" to Lot, his adult nephew. When shortage of grazing space caused competition between their herds and workers, Abram insisted that they separate—and he offered Lot his choice of land. Not surprisingly, Lot chose a spot that looked good on the surface but had less obvious shortcomings. Abram accepted Lot's choice and moved away. But when Lot and his family became prisoners of war, Abram rode to the rescue with troops and battle gear.

Appropriate help for an adult child depends much on that person's age, need, responsibility, and ability to make appropriate use of parental resources. But parental help should not come with controlling strings attached. Like Abram, parents must encourage their adult children to make their own decisions. Parents must also consider their own strengths and limitations. And, like Abram, parents may (for the sake of peace) need to insist on separate places to live. (See also Ruth 3; John 3:1-21.)

So Abram said to Lot, "Please let there be no strife between you and me, and between my herdsmen and your herdsmen; for we are brethren. Is not the whole land before you? Please separate from me. If you take the left, then I will go to the right; or, if you go to the right, then I will go to the left." Genesis 13:8-9

What help is appropriate to give to your adult child?

Copyright 2001 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Bible Studies.

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