Straight Talk About Mother's Day
by David Staal
posted 4/24/2009
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Editor's note:
Dad: This column contains valuable advice specifically for you.
Moms: Print this column and place it where he's sure to see it.
Ministry leaders: Distribute this to dads and you'll accomplish serious "family ministry."
A critical day approaches. One that requires deliberate effort to get right. Yes, a day that should cause mom to say, "Well done." (Sorry, but I just can't get myself to write "good and faithful servant.")
And, unfortunately, a day that—as a dad—I often got wrong. Nothing disastrous, but nothing successful, either. Mom deserves better.
So I'll start with an urgent plea: Dads, get Mother's Day right this year! It's up to you to make it happen, and the secrets to success that other, wiser dads taught me might surprise you—so keep reading.
Before I share the secrets, though, let me explain why this column is worth your time and attention.
First, I implore you to ignore any comments from your children's mother that nobody needs to make a big deal about Mother's Day. It's a set up to test your commitment to her well-being. Doubt me, and you risk demise. If you dare, ask her friends if she really doesn't want any attention. On second thought, don't—word will get back to her. Too often, dads (me included) have unwittingly fallen asleep at the wheel instead of steering the family toward celebrating mom, and discovered afterwards that "nobody needs to" means "you better."
Second, believe that mom deserves your best effort. Romans 13:7 tells us to pay honor to whom honor is due. If you do this well already, then keep up the great work. If you don't (maybe someone printed this column for you), then Mother's Day is your big opportunity.
So let's get to work. The secrets to success: effort and time. Don't chuckle at their apparent simplicity; again, keep reading.
Make sure your kids make real effort to celebrate mom. A card that you purchased and they sign falls short. Way short. In fact, a card qualifies as a "no big deal" gesture.
Instead, arrange for your kids to take extraordinary (for them) action, regardless of age. Breakfast in bed? It might sound corny, but it's good start. Then have the kids make their beds without a prompt from mom. Or make their own breakfast—and clear the dishes. As the age of your child increases, so should the effort. Make a funny short video, send multiple "I love you because…" texts, wash her car, clean the house, do your own laundry, whatever shows significant effort. I know a family where the kids work together to prepare a special Mother's Day dinner. That same family has a mom who loves and remembers her children's efforts much more than their cooking.
The logic here: mom puts in enormous effort all year, so she'll appreciate a child's effort towards her. Sure, gifts are nice. But who really put the effort in? Dad, of course. You know it, the kids know it, and mom knows it too. All you need to do is chat with your children ahead of time, agree on a plan, and then make them stick to living out the plan.
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