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by Ed Rowell
posted 11/26/2009
 2 of 3
The sources of our inner exhaustion are many and varied. They range from simple over-scheduling and poor time management to the darker possibilities of being driven by performance, having few or no boundaries on our work and availability to others, tolerating toxicity in current relationships, or carrying the heavy burden of unresolved grief and pain from the past. One of the most sobering things I have learned about myself is that I can be very, very busy and look very, very important, but can at the same time have lost my ability to hear the voice of the One who calls me the beloved in quiet, sure tones. When that happens I lose touch with that place in the center of my being where I know who am in God, I know what I am called to do and am responsive to his voice above all others. Then I am at the mercy of all manner of external and internal forces, tossed and turned by others' expectations and my inner compulsions.
The healing of solitude
The discipline of solitude can be a place to rest our weary selves in God—body, mind and soul. Rather than the effortful approaches to quiet time that are often filled with more things to do (however spiritual they may seem), solitude can become a time for simple noticing—noticing what is true about us in a given moment and then being in God's presence with the things we've noticed.
You may be noticing that you are teetering on the brink of dangerous tired; or you might realize that you are already over the edge. This can be a painful realization. But what would happen if, rather than judging and berating yourself, you lingered with your awareness, noticing the weariness that many of us in Christian ministry have come to accept as normal? What if you allowed yourself to wonder about your tiredness just a bit and opened it up in God's presence: "Wow, I am really tired. I'm not sure I was aware of just how tired I am. What is that all about?"
Then, rather than trying to just push through it, what would happen if you chose to stay in God's presence with your tiredness and talk to him about it, acknowledging it as a child with a parent who cares and can help? What if, rather than feeling alone and weighed down by the seeming impossibility of your situation, you invited God into it by saying, "God, this is what is true about me. What are we going to do about it?"
Ruth Haley Barton is a teacher, spiritual director, and retreat leader. She is author of Invitation to Solitude and Silence: Experiencing God's Transforming Presence (InterVarsity Press, 2004), from which this article is excerpted by permission. Ruth is co-founder of The Transforming Center, which is sponsoring, with InterVarsity Press, Invitation to Solitude and Silence retreats. These retreats are designed specifically for pastors and ministry leaders who are seeking to establish these disciplines in their own lives as well as preparing to guide others. Please visit www.thetransformingcenter.org or contact Ruth at rhbarton@thetransformingcenter.org.
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