Adversity Training
by Betsy Hart
posted 9/07/2007
 2 of 5
But, given that the calling of the Christian life is precisely to submit our wills to God Himself, especially when that's hard, we do our children no favors when we devote ourselves to something we can't achieve anyway—the "ideal" of the always contented child.
Moreover, we're not building resilient kids. We're building kids that Dr. Carol Dweck of Stanford, one of the world's leading researchers on motivation and self-esteem, calls both "entitled and fragile." In other words, what happens when the little boy who apparently felt so entitled to the bears in the post office faces the "nos" of life? What about when he faces a real storm of life?
Such storms most surely do come to God's children, according to Scripture. "For to you it has been granted on behalf of Christ, not only to believe in Him but to suffer for His sake." (Philippians 1:24) And "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials." (James 1:2)
Well forget real suffering—our kids can't even deal with a little delayed gratification!
But if our children are never allowed to fail, or experience disappointment or frustration—if every time they get a really boring or overbearing teacher we get them moved to another class—what happens when God allows real hardship into their lives?
There's a great book called Children at Promise—as opposed to another called Children at Risk—in which the authors researched successful people who were also respected because they gave to their communities. They were givers, not takers.
The authors found is that in every case there was significant adversity the person pointed to as being part of their success, AND that adversity was interpreted to them by some adult, sometimes not a parent. There was someone in their lives who helped them see that they could grow from whatever the adversity was, whether a broken family or a dream which got derailed so they had to find another.
None of us go looking for adversity for our children. And you know what? Sometimes it's prudent to change a teacher, and I, for one, would fight on behalf of my kids to make things right when it comes to some real injustice. (Though I might not succeed.) But hey, adversity will come in some form to our children, and often we just can't, or shouldn't, fix it for our kids.
What a blessing that unlike the world, we Christians don't have to fear adversity for our children when it inevitably does come to them, whether it's being cut from the team or a friend that's ignoring them—or even a profound tragedy like losing a parent.
Don't get me wrong. We dare not treat the grief lightly. It will happen in a variety of ways—large and small—and will present itself to our children in countless ways. But what a gift that we know that "For all things work together for the good of those who love God, and are called according to His purpose," says Romans 8:28. That's doesn't mean, by the way, that He will makes things good in a worldly sense, though often God does. But it describes the fuller sense that God promises to break into our hearts through adversity and make us more like his Son and, therefore, more fit for heaven. And more able to look forward to Heaven because that means leaving the brokenness of this world behind for good. What a gift.
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