Sign up for our free newsletters:    Ignite Your Faith Connection Christian College Guide

His Flirting Makes Me Jealous
Q My boyfriend is very good looking. Whenever we're alone, he's really sweet to me, but the moment another girl walks in the room, he either forgets all about me or acts like I'm just one of the guys. I've told him that I feel like he treats those flirty girls as if they're more important than me, and he says I have nothing to worry about since we have so much more than just a flirty relationship. But why am I still so jealous?

A Jealousy comes from insecurity. Plenty of people struggle with it even if they don't have a good-looking boyfriend who flirts. Maybe you're just naturally jealous because you don't feel that you deserve this handsome hunk. Maybe you're primed to overreact when anyone else catches his eye. If you think this might be true of you, I'd recommend talking to somebody—your youth leader, a close friend, a counselor—who can help you examine yourself and work through these insecurities.

Even if you are insecure, however, a guy shouldn't trample your feelings! Tell your boyfriend that if you really have such a great relationship, you'll both show concern for each other, especially in those areas where you feel weak or vulnerable. Be honest with your guy, and explain that you need his help. Figure out what he can do to make things easier for you. Maybe you need him to stand near you, to make eye contact regularly, to include you in his conversation. Whatever it is, don't be shy about explaining how you feel and what he can do to help you. If he's not interested in doing his part, he's not really interested in you.

I'm Scared I Might Be Pregnant
Q I am only 13 years old. A lot of my friends have already had sex, protected and unprotected. Nothing happened to any of them. But almost two weeks ago my boyfriend and I got carried away and went all the way. Luckily we used a condom. But people have told me you can still get pregnant even if you use a condom. Now I'm really scared, because I haven't gotten my period for over a month. What should I do now?

A The first thing you should do is take a home pregnancy test. What you've heard is true: No birth control method is 100 percent reliable (except abstinence), and condoms have a fairly high failure rate (1.7 percent break during usage, and almost 13 percent slip off at some point during intercourse). Still, the odds are much more in your favor than if you had unprotected sex, so a pregnancy test might bring good news. The sooner you get it done the better, because if you're pregnant, you'll need good medical care immediately. Your health and the health of the baby depend on it.

To get the help you need, your best option is to tell your parents what happened. If there's just no way you could speak up right now, go to the drugstore yourself to get a home pregnancy test. Or call your family doctor (he'll keep it confidential if you insist). You can also talk to your school nurse.

That's just the first step. Next you need to find out what caused you to do something so impulsive and dangerous. Is it the kind of friends you're hanging out with? Is it something in your family life that you're trying to escape? Is it pressure from your boyfriend? Did you get carried away in the heat of the moment? Do you not understand the consequences that come with premarital sex?

I don't think you can dig into these questions alone. You need to confide in somebody trustworthy: a parent, a pastor, a counselor—somebody who will care for you and work with you to help you get straightened out. Please reach out to somebody who brings God into the picture, who can offer you God's care and forgiveness, and who will pray for you.

I'd like to think that you and your boyfriend made just one isolated mistake, but I fear it could easily become the first turn in a downward spiral. Pregnant or not, you've made a big mistake, and you could face some major consequences if this behavior continues. So could your friends, by the way. When you say "nothing happened" after they had sex, you're only looking on the surface. Becoming sexually involved is a very big deal, and a very bad one outside a loving marriage. If you don't believe me now, you will later when they're depressed over broken relationships, worried about sexually transmitted diseases, or in the same panic you are right now.

When the Bible talks about sex outside marriage, it speaks in urgent tones: "Flee from sexual immorality!" (1 Cor. 6:18). And I'm speaking urgently, too, when I tell you, when I beg you, to get help now. There are plenty of people who would love to help you, but they can't do anything if you don't ask for their help.

He's Got a Bad Past
Q There's a guy in my youth group who has told me he likes me. He wants to ask me out. I like him, too, but I know he has a bad past—he experimented with drugs and alcohol. As we've grown close, I've talked to him about the things he's done. He's really tried hard to conform to God's way. He claims to be a Christian and to have changed, but I don't know if he has truly changed. Should I trust him?

A It's tough to say. People do change, and you always want to leave room for the wonderful things God can do in a person's life. But you don't want to be naive, because your heart is your most precious possession. Lots of people talk about changing but never really do it. You don't want to get involved with someone who's all talk and no action.

So how do you tell? There's only one test: time. Watch to see if he backs up his talk with actions. Does he have a trusted friend or adult leader keeping him accountable? Has he made a break from friends who'll tempt him into his old lifestyle? If your friend is immersing himself in a better, godly lifestyle, he's probably changing in a positive direction. Even so, why don't you wait six months before you let your friendship move in a romantic direction? It sounds as though you're doing a good job of getting to know each other. So keep it up! Nothing says you have to be "going out" to build a strong relationship.

What's Wrong with Homosexuality?
Q I am a firm believer in the Bible, and I definitely think what it says still applies to our lives today. However, I don't understand why it says homosexuality is wrong. I am not gay or lesbian, but I have relatives who are. If two people love each other, love God and live their lives to glorify him, what can be wrong with that? I understand many homosexuals may not have this type of relationship, but for those who do, why would God prohibit them from expressing their love? Please give me some Scripture to help me understand this.

A You've asked an important and very relevant question. I'll try my best to respond, though what I say might not be as definitive as you (or I) could wish. The Bible says relatively little about why homosexuality is wrong. All the Bible tells us is that when human beings have sex with their own gender, they've gone wrong. Romans 1:26-27, for example, describes homosexuality with terms like "shameful lusts," "unnatural" relations, "indecent acts" and "perversion."

Besides spiritual dangers, homosexual relationships usually present a lot of physical and emotional dangers as well. They tend to be unstable, according to all the studies I've seen. Gay men, particularly, are prone to live quite promiscuously. That's why AIDS has been such a problem for them. Research also shows that homosexuals are more likely than the general population to use drugs, attempt suicide, and to have been sexually abused.

But you were asking specifically about those cases in which a homosexual couple lives together monogamously—what some people call a "gay marriage." They might love each other and God very much. But according to the Bible, they can't be living to fully glorify him, because they're living in deliberate opposition to his plan for sex (1 Cor. 6:9).

The Bible teaches that God meant for men and women to be united in loving marriage (Gen. 2:24). This plan is a "mystery" (Eph. 5:25-33), which means it's a little too big for us to get our minds around. We may not understand it, but most of us sense a deep longing for this kind of fulfillment, when a man and a woman are brought together in the loving covenant of marriage. That's the goal our hormones were invented to lead us to.

Homosexual sex, on the other hand, is not what God intended for us. Why not? The Bible doesn't exactly say. I do know that homosexual relationships can never have that wonderful balance of male and female that, the Bible says, reflects the very character of God (see Gen. 1:27). So maybe the reason Scripture stands against homosexual relations is that God knows they can never satisfy the deepest longings of the human heart. But the reason isn't what's really important. God doesn't command us to understand his plan, only to follow it.

All I know for sure is that God knows us far more deeply than we know ourselves. He knows what's good for us. I believe there is a better way for people who feel homosexual desires. I've spent a good deal of time talking to men and women who lead Christian ministries for homosexuals. Almost all of these leaders themselves have powerful homosexual drives, but they've found a healing pathway in obedience to God. They claim to be far more satisfied having left homosexuality with God's help than they ever were in the gay lifestyle.

If you want to meet such people and see what they have to offer, you can contact Exodus International (Box 77652, Seattle, WA 98177; 206-784-7799; www.exodusintl.org). Exodus keeps track of ministries to homosexuals across the country and can put you in touch with one in your area. They also can recommend some excellent literature.

Copyright © 2000 by the author or Christianity Today International/Campus Life magazine. Click here for reprint information on Campus Life.
May/June 2000, Vol. 58, No. 9, Page 54

Read more from 'Love, Sex & Dating'

				Try an Issue of Ignite Your Faith Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. Click here for International orders. If you decide you want to keep Ignite Your Faith coming, honor your invoice for just $19.95 and receive eight more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless. Give Ignite Your Faith as a gift Buy 1 gift subscription, get 1 FREE!

FREE Newsletters Subscribe to the Ignite Your Faith Connection Newsletter: Subscribe to the Christian College Guide Newsletter:    RSS Feed   RSS Help