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I gripped the side of the couch, transfixed. An abandoned turkey sandwich wilted on a TV tray next to a melting ice cream sandwich and some carrot sticks. It was another cliff-hanging romantic moment on Friends, and, as far as I was concerned, dinner could wait. I couldn't wait to see how this would end!

For eight seasons, Ross and Rachel had an on-again, off-again relationship, and I knew I was watching a critical moment. Rachel was sitting in a hospital room with their new baby, Emma, not realizing Ross was planning to propose to her. Ross had left the hospital to buy some flowers. He'd left an engagement ring in her hospital room, tucked in his jacket pocket. Meanwhile, Joey, Rachel's roommate, had come to visit her. He bent over and accidentally knocked the ring out of Ross' jacket. Surprised, Joey held the open box in his hand as he turned toward Rachel, still on his knees.

Rachel's eyes widened with shock as she (mistakenly) realized Joey was asking her to marry him! "OK," she said, as the camera cut to a scene of Ross getting off the hospital elevator at Rachel's floor, flowers in hand. The season ended on that suspenseful note. "Nooooo!" I moaned, smacking the side of the couch with my hand.

Welcome to the emotionally draining world of television romance. It seems like almost every regular TV-watcher has a favorite couple. Whether it's Lucy Camden from 7th Heaven and her new boyfriend Kevin, Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls and Dean, or Clark Kent and Lana Lang on Smallville, many of us enjoy watching these TV pairs. From the excitement of their first meeting (Will they get together?) to the ups and downs of their relationships (I can't believe they've broken up!), a part of us lives through them.

In many ways, the TV shows we enjoy are great entertainment. They're fun to watch. The characters are smart and beautiful, and the situations they get themselves into are often hilarious or touching. Still, TV makes me uncomfortable sometimes. I find myself laughing, only I'm laughing at something that runs counter to my values and faith. And if I'm not careful, I can be a little like a sponge, soaking up ideas that are anything but Christian and glorifying to God. I really feel like I owe it to myself to be careful when it comes to love and romance. After all, my romantic choices can affect me for the rest of my life. What kind of ideas am I picking up from my favorite shows?

So what should I—or what should we—do? Just toss the TV out the window and forget it? Sounds a little extreme to me. Instead, I'm learning to be smart about my TV choices by developing a sort of "game plan" for making sense of what I'm seeing and hearing.

Silly, But Fun!
Remember the last time you saw a bunch of cartoony hearts pop out above the heads of young lovers on a Bugs Bunny cartoon? Or what about those violins that come out of nowhere during a romantic scene? And then there are those amazing times when two sweethearts glide in slow motion toward each other across a grassy field.

Doesn't happen, does it? But does it matter? It's not hard to see this type of "fantasy" is fun, and a little goofy.

After all, everyone knows it's not as easy to get a date as it looks on TV. We'd like to think that we can look up from our cafeteria trays one day, and Mr. or Miss Dreamy will be staring at us. We'll give this beautiful person a soft, model-perfect, broccoli-free smile, and they'll put down their tray, abandoning their mystery meat and Jell-O cubes, and float to our sides. Do I hear those violins? It's a great scenario, but I know better—and you do, too. We know people don't always just find each other.

It's common sense, too, that dates are awkward sometimes. On television, characters can usually think of smart, witty things to say. In real life, a date might have a few uncomfortable silences. There might be tense moments when you aren't quite sure how to handle yourself.

Another thing: TV relationships don't take much work. Have you ever noticed how beautiful people automatically understand one another? But just like any other friendship, a dating relationship requires people to listen to one another, to be thoughtful and to encourage one another.

Also, we know people and relationships aren't perfect, although sometimes they seem that way on TV. It's clear there's no such thing as a "perfect guy," a "perfect girl," a "perfect date" or a "perfect romance." We are all human, and our imperfection mars our closest relationships.

Still, it doesn't take too much work to see past these TV myths. In fact, most of them are pretty funny. We can recognize the silliness, laugh it off, and move on without a second thought.

TV's Big Love Myths
OK, so no cartoony hearts popping above people's heads. No slow motion jogs across the park. We get it. No harm done. But let's be real. Sometimes TV romance is more subtle than that. And like a mirror, those TV shows reflect a way of thinking and acting that many people believe is right, healthy and normal. But is it? Here are four of the major myths I see in the way TV handles love and romance:

Myth #1: Sex? No problem. Characters in many TV shows act like sex outside of marriage is no big deal. In TV romances, sex is always fun, exciting and convenient. It's easy to joke about and doesn't necessarily have emotional or physical consequences. If we believe what we see on TV, there's no real reason not to have sex with someone you're attracted to, as long as you're prepared for the possibility of pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease.

But as Christians, we know that saving sex for marriage is about much more than avoiding AIDS or not becoming an unwed parent. God designed sex as a way for people who have committed their lives to one another in marriage to bond physically and emotionally. In fact, God's Word cautions us that no sin affects us so fully as ignoring God's plan for sex (1 Corinthians 6:18-19). Acting on this TV myth can really cost you.

It doesn't happen often, but sometimes sitcom characters realize this. Last season, Friends' Rachel worried as she sat in her hospital room that she and baby Emma would live alone if Ross eventually left her to start his "real family." Rachel realized sex without a marriage commitment can lead to a broken heart. But again, those moments are rare. When they do happen, they can be a real wake-up call. Even hip, funny TV shows can't ignore the reality that breaking God's guidelines in this area can cause a lot of pain.

Myth #2: The Quick Fix. Another myth that pops up frequently on TV is the idea that relationships can fix broken people. This idea appeared on Gilmore Girls, when Rory encouraged her mother to warm up to Rory's friend, Jess. Even though Jess is rebellious, reckless, angry and impolite, Rory sees his smart, tender side. To her, that's a good reason to become friends (and maybe more) with Jess.

Sometimes this works on TV—a sweet girl can "fix" a rough guy by paying him a little attention, or a caring guy can help a lost girl if he just gives her a little love. It rarely works that way in real life, though. We often become like the people we hang around, and the Bible warns us that good character can be ruined by bad relationships (1 Corinthians 15:33). Although God wants us to reach out to people who need help, a romantic relationship isn't the best way to help someone who is lost or misguided.

Myth #3: Different Values Don't Matter. See if you can spot the problem with this statement: It's OK for two people to ignore differences between their faiths or values if they're attracted to one another. I don't think so! But on 7th Heaven, Matt Camden secretly married Sarah Glass, a fellow medical student. Matt is a pastor's son, while Sarah is a rabbi's daughter. Still, they are willing to put aside the significant differences between their faiths in order to marry. Matt even decides to convert to Judaism.

Christian principles, though, tell us to limit the closeness of our relationships with non-Christians. Paul warns members of the Corinthian church not to be "yoked together with unbelievers" (2 Corinthians 7:5). Our romantic relationships should be with people who share our faith and values.

Myth #4: The Future's too Far Away to Think About Now. Finally, the characters on many TV shows act like it's natural to live a wild life before you eventually settle down. Many of the characters on sitcoms and dramas seem to think the choices they make in relationships during their teens and 20s will not affect a future mate or child.

The shows don't show the pain of telling the person you'd like to marry that he or she is one of several sexual partners you've had. They don't show the embarrassment a mother must feel when she has to tell her daughter "don't do it the way I did." Television shows don't show that it can be hard to stop thinking about past partners, even if you've made a commitment to your spouse. They also don't talk about the reality of STDs, AIDS and teenage parenting that can result from living for the present instead of the future.

This TV myth bothers me a lot. It's so painful to see the hurt, anger, shame and broken relationships that result from buying into this way of thinking. But we know our actions have consequences. Galatians 6:7-9 reminds us that irresponsible actions will hurt us in the future, but God will reward our faithfulness.

So What Now?
What should we do about shows that don't tell the whole truth about love and romance? Is there a middle ground between never watching any television and soaking up everything we see? I believe so.

I think many TV shows can be worth watching, as long as we take time to be conscious of the messages they send. Whether you're watching a show alone or with a friend, you can think or talk during the commercial breaks about some of these questions:

1) What does this show say about love and romance? If I were to tell someone what key statement this show makes in one sentence, what would that sentence be?

2) Are the dating relationships on this show healthy relationships? Do the people relate to each other respectfully? Are sexual relationships reserved for marriage?

3) What's true or good about the way this show portrays love and romance? What's untrue or not so good?

4) If there is something unhealthy or untrue portrayed in a scene, how could it be changed to represent a Christian perspective?

I have to be honest: Sometimes, I feel like what I'm watching colors my thinking about relationships in harmful ways. Occasionally, I can see that a show is completely off base, and there's no effort to honor God's plan for love and romance. Even though it's hard, I have to ask God to help me grab the remote and change the channel or turn off the TV. I'd encourage you to do the same thing. If you're really struggling, talk to a friend or your youth pastor. They can keep you accountable.

More honesty: We don't always like having to turn away from something we're watching. Our tendency is to say, "Oh, come on! I know this isn't real! What's wrong with watching, just for a few minutes?" During those times, I try to go for a walk, pick up a book or turn on some good music instead. Even though I don't like it, I know a little discipline about my TV habits will go a long way. I hope you'll come to feel this way, too.

Don't get me wrong. I think it's great to enjoy entertainment for what it's worth—entertainment. When we know that something we see or hear will affect our minds, though, it's worth taking a few moments to decipher the messages we're receiving.

As for me, I'm going to keep my mind engaged the next time I sit down to my favorite romantic comedy or drama. And if those TV couples start going places I don't want to go? Hey, I've got the remote close by. … and I know how to use it.

Read more from 'Faith & Values'

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