Q. I want to stop seeing my boyfriend because I feel like we can't be together without having sex. At the same time, I think he'd understand why I want to stop having sex. Should we try to be together without having sex? How can we do this?

A. It's not impossible for the two of you to step back over the line you've crossed, but it will take a tremendous amount of effort and commitment and trust. And even though you might not be having sex anymore, it still has a good chance of being the focus of your relationship.

Here's what I mean: Unless you are exceptionally mature and filled with extraordinary self-control, you will spend most of your time thinking about sex when you're with your boyfriend, wishing you were having sex, and seeing just how far you can go before you end up having sex again. Your relationship will continue to center on sex, and that's just not healthy.

So I think you need to end this relationship. It's a sad way for a relationship to end, but it's one of the consequences of having a sexual relationship outside of marriage. Sex between people who aren't committed to each other for the rest of their lives creates all kinds of problems. It can cause guilt and shame and dishonesty to enter a relationship—which isn't what God wants for sexual relationships. Premarital sex can fill your mind with memories and feelings that are out of sync with reality. It creates secrecy where there should be openness. It impacts every relationship that comes after this one. I don't mean to sound hopeless, but I do want you to understand what sex has cost you so that you'll make wiser decisions in your next relationship.

The good news is God is waiting to show you a better way to live. So ask God to forgive you and to help you gain the strength to make a different decision in your next relationship. Then, accept that forgiveness and know that you are loved by God no matter what. Psalm 103:12 (CEV) says, "How far has the Lord taken our sins from us? Farther than the distance from east to west!" This verse was written by David, a man who had sex with another man's wife, then had her husband sent to the front line of a war to be killed. So David knew a lot about sin and forgiveness. And David knew that nothing, not even his own sin, could separate him from God.

The same is true for you. So ask God to give you strength and wisdom as you end a relationship that's been damaged by sin. As hard as that might be, it's the right thing to do.

Read more from 'Love, Sex & Dating'

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