Q. My youth group, like my high school, has a "cool crowd." While I'm used to cliques at school, it doesn't seem right at youth group. What can I do?

A. It's not unusual for students to hang around students who have interests or backgrounds similar to their own. It becomes a problem, though, when a group makes others feel unwelcome or unaccepted because they aren't a part of a particular "in group." It sounds like this might be happening at your church. It's very unfortunate and destructive if this group has become an exclusive clique.

I want to tell you a story about two people from very different friendship groups that were in my youth group. Esther was a brainiac. Jody was a popular cheerleader who hung out in the cool clique. Both were really great young women but they hardly knew each other existed. Esther wasn't welcome into Jody's circle.

During a mission trip to Mexico, Esther and Jody were in the same ministry group. They were responsible for sharing Bible stories, making crafts and playing games with the children. A funny thing happened: They became tight friends. They fought social pressure in order to care for one another.

That's how I think the church should be. The great thing about our faith is that Jesus looks past whether you are cool or uncool, rich or poor, cute or not so cute. Instead, he chooses to look at the heart.

I find that dealing with cliques in church or anywhere else starts with the individual. Since you notice this problem, pray about it and then do what you can to put yourself in situations to get to know as many people in your youth group as possible—including the so-called "cool crowd." Also, talk to your youth pastor about ways you could split up into small groups and teams that would put people together who normally don't hang out. Find ways to serve together, minister together, pray together, and share life together. When this happens, the cliques fade away.

Jim is an author, longtime youth worker and founder of HomeWord, a group seeking to honor God through strong families.

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