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Who Wants to Be an Awesome Dad?

If you want to be closer to your kids, here’s the final answer

Did you know that the only food that doesn’t spoil is honey? Or that Coca-Cola was originally green? Or that polar bears are left-handed?

Or that the average life span of a major league baseball is seven pitches?

Granted, unless you’re aiming for a spot on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" you really don’t need to know any of these trivial facts. But when it comes to being involved with our children, we need to know the details of their daily lives—even those that seem trivial.

Several years ago, I read a book written by printing magnate Harvey McCay. In it he explained the secret of his business success: his "McCay 66 Questionnaire." He built lasting (and profitable) relationships by understanding his clients—their likes and dislikes, their children’s names, even their children’s likes and dislikes.

While I won’t ask you to fill out a 66-question sheet on your child, why not start by asking him or her six questions:

• What’s one thing I could pray for you about this week?
• If you could be anything when you grow up, what would you be?
• What’s one thing you really appreciate about your best friend?
• If we could go anywhere on vacation, where would we go and what would we do?
• What’s your favorite thing for us to do as a family that doesn’t involve spending any money?
• What’s one thing I could work on that would make you feel even more loved?

Of course, you can make up your own list. But you get the idea.

Asking questions is a great step toward greater intimacy with your kids, but why stop there? Once you’re talking, go ahead and try other ways to touch the hearts of your children. The more connected you are to your kids, the closer they feel to you. And the closer they feel, the more they’ll open up their hearts to talk to you about their concerns, dreams and prayers. Here are a few (OK, 15) ideas to get you started:

1. For a week, compliment each of your children individually every day. (Compliment and encourage your spouse in front of the kids every day, too.)
2. Give them a hug each day.
3. Point out one trait they have that God can use in the future. ("You have such a caring heart. I can’t wait to see how God helps you use it!")
4. Roast marshmallows over the barbecue grill.
5. Make a blanket fort and spend time hiding out with the kids.
6. Camp out in the back yard or the living room.
7. Pick a board game the kids like and play it together.
8. Make a fishing pole with string and use a large paper clip as a hook. Color some construction-paper fish, toss them on the floor and try to hook a few.
9. Help the kids put together a puppet show or skit for Mom.
10. Hold the "National Soap Bubble Championship" in your back yard.
11. Take a hike on a new trail.
12. Spend a Sunday morning in their Sunday school class.
13. Read a Bible story or Christian chapter book together.
14. Take time to talk with your children about the things God is teaching you during the week.
15. Tell them about a prayer God answered in your life.

John Trent is a marriage and family counselor and president of Encouraging Words. He is the author of numerous books, including Life Mapping and Choosing to Live the Blessing (both published by WaterBrook). You can contact John at www.encouragingwords.com.

Tell us what you think …   Is this the kind of article you'd like to see more of? Is there a topic you'd like us to cover? Please send your suggestions to parentingfeedback@christianitytoday.com

Copyright © 2000 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Parenting Today Magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Christian Parenting Today.
March/April 2000, Vol. 12, No. 4, Page 10

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