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From the pages of Christian Parenting Today, July/Aug 1998
MARRIAGE WORKS
TIM & JULIE CLINTON
When We Were Crazy in Love
What does it take to rebuild the friendship with your spouse?
Julie saw our hearts on the movie screen the
other night, against a sunset's fusion of red and gold. She said we were
on the bow of a great ship, our arms outstretched as if flying. Then we embraced,
our lips met, and for an eternal instant, our lives melted into one.
As we drove home afterward, the oldies station whispering sweet nothin's,
we tried to duplicate that kiss. Julie gasped—which fed my ego until I realized
I was about to hit my own iceberg—a light pole!
Aren't we all suckers for love? Tender, passionate, embracing love. Love
that lifts and protects. In this fast-paced, hectic world, we need love—and
we need that wonderful person we're in love with—more than ever. God designed
and desired it that way.
But often life's demands soak up our energy and attention, leaving nothing
to fuel passion. Stoking that fire becomes a real struggle.
"Romance is friendship at its deepest
and purest level."
Paradoxically, friendship can turn the struggle into a labor of love.
True, intimate friendship is love in action. An intimate friend is there
physically, emotionally, and spiritually when needed. Friends build on the
other person's strengths; they understand, challenge, and sometimes ignore
the other person's weaknesses. Friends sometimes read each other's thoughts.
They laugh and, at times, their tears mingle.
Acting as an intimate friend can re-ignite the fire—can turn a predictable
marriage into that kiss against a sunset. How can you revitalize your friendship
with your spouse?
1. Work at becoming your spouse's best friend. Decide to be attentive,
to listen, to see the meaning and the merit. Get morning coffee and the evening
tea, care about his comfort and the lotion on her back.
If you're persistent, you'll both begin to break the crusty residue of hassles
and distractions. Man and woman were not designed to be alone (Gen. 2:18),
so stop being alone. Pray together and share Scripture as that friend your
romance needs.
2. Show interest in what interests your spouse. He likes sports? Have
popcorn with him during the playoffs. Does she adore classical music? Go
to a concert with her.
3. Recognize that you two are different. Couples often believe they
have to behave, think, and feel alike—and if they're not alike, they embark
on a plan to change the other. It's best to respect and celebrate differences.
If you do, you'll find that a husband's strengths support his wife's weaknesses
while his weaknesses are buoyed by her talents. By supporting one another,
you become a force for one another and God's kingdom.
4. Allow your spouse to be himself or herself. Forgive mistakes. Praise
achievements. Correct your spouse gently, but never demean.
Friends can laugh and get silly with each other. Start some pillow and water
balloon fights, and snap a few towels. Playing like children will lead you
to play like married adults again.
As friends, look into one another's eyes and allow the sparks of friendship
to rekindle the romance. For romance is friendship at its deepest and purest
level.
P.S. We made it home just fine (smile).
Dr. Tim Clinton is executive vice-president of the American Association
of Christian Counselors. Julie Clinton is executive director of the Light
Family Health Clinic in Lynchburg, Virginia. Married for 16 years, they have
two children.
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Copyright © 1998 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Parenting Today Magazine. For reprint information
call 630-260-6200 or e-mail
parentingfeedback@christianitytoday.com.
July/Aug 1998, Vol.10, No. 6, Page 14
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