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From the pages of Christian Parenting Today, Mar/Apr 1999
Can You Help?
r e a l - l i f e a d v i c e |
"How Can I Explain Grandpa's
Death?"
Cheryl of Missouri writes:
"My 2-1/2-year-old daughter lost her grandfather. Despite my explanation
that he's in heaven, she continues to ask where he is and if she can visit
him. How can I help her deal with this loss?"
Here are your suggestions:
Create a memory book. Include pictures
of your daughter and her grandfather, mementos related to special memories
you have and most importantly, include memories that are meaningful to your
daughter. Ask her to tell you what she loved most about Grandpa, and write
those down in the album. Then, when she asks about him, pull out the album
and page through it.
Sherry Brown
Dover, PA
Remember children are inquisitive. They
often ask the same question over and over. Each time they reaffirm in their
minds what they already know and learn more as they process the information
in a new way. By answering each question truthfully, you're helping your
daughter get over the loss.
Julie Cordes
Bartonville, IL
Keep a photo out. When we went through
this experience, we found that a picture of Grandpa helped our children deal
with the loss. The picture seemed to soothe the hurt of not being with him
in person. Then we prayed and thanked God for the time we did have with Grandpa.
Above all, ask God to help your little one understand and grasp the difficult
passage of death.
Ruth Bakke
Lathrop, CA
Make a video. We created a "Grandpa video"
from footage we had of our daughter and her grandfather playing together.
We allowed her to watch it as often as she wanted. Also, we let her visit
Grandma often so she could ask questions about Grandpa. For three to four
months after her grandfather died, she asked every day where he was. But
with patience, hugs and a lot of understanding she worked through her loss.
Beth M. Symanzik
Owosso, MI
Use simple terms. Responses such as "We
aren't able to see him today; but when we are much, much older, we will go
see him" will help your daughter begin to understand death. And when you
pray with her include "Thank you God that Grandpa is with you and that you
are taking good care of him."
Lynette Kittle
Hilo, HI
Focus on the splendor of heaven. When
I talk to my young children about loved ones who have died, I ask them questions
such as "What do you think Aunt Brenda is doing up in heaven?" or "Do you
think she's happy?" Then I tell them that Aunt Brenda (or whoever) is no
longer sick, weak or sad. Jesus is with her. Children feel more comfortable
with death when they realize a wonderful place awaits those who love Jesus
and that loved ones are well cared for.
Kristin L. Rathje
Jackson, MI
Can You Help?
Jill in Orlando writes: "Due to my difficult pregnancy and severe postpartum
depression, my husband and I will most likely only have one child. While
my husband is happy with one, I have concerns. How can we be sure our only
child will be well-adjusted and content? Won't he feel cheated by not having
siblings?"
To respond, send e-mail to:
parentingfeedback@christianitytoday.com.
Readers' responses will appear in the July/August issue. |
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Copyright © 1999 by the author or Christianity Today International/Christian Parenting Today Magazine. For reprint information
call 630-260-6200 or e-mail
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March/April 1999, Vol.11, No. 4, Page 10
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