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I am a baby boomer who has entered midlife. Exactly 20 years ago I walked onto a seminary campus to prepare for "a lifetime of ministry." Campus Crusade had just sponsored the highly successful Explo Conference. I had great expectations. Having an impact on the world for Jesus Christ was about as high a goal as I could imagine. So with all the gusto I could give, I went for the gold--which, to me, meant going to seminary.

Back then I thought a successful Christian life meant being a winner for God, taking control (with the aid of the Spirit, of course), and doing all I could for his kingdom. What could be a higher calling? What could be more fulfilling?

Many of those I went to college with and worked with in Young Life shared these hopes. Their zeal to make a difference for Christ in the marketplace was just as great as mine. The many tasks left to do for the kingdom would fall into our generation's hands in the near future. The essence of our spirituality was to do all we could for God in the 40 or so years we had.

I do not know when I began to question seeing the spiritual life in terms of tasks to be managed and completed. Nor do I remember exactly when I came to see how subtly cultural values had shaped my original vision of God's call. There was no shining experience of encountering God. But at some point, the focus changed, the direction altered. I began to consider whether the race I was running was the race God had called me to run. Was I on the track he had led me to, or on one I had designed?

I now see my call differently. There are still tasks, even great ones, to be accomplished. The demands of life and ministry continue to be great. The pace has not abated; in fact, there are more responsibilities all around. The generation ahead of me is passing on to my generation their years of faithful service and sacred responsibilities.

But there is a difference in my view of God's call. The tasks and great expectations are no longer the priority they were. Winning is not so important, and triumph is defined in terms the world does not relate to well. Issues of personal fulfillment, so central to our culture and to those early years of pursuit, have been redefined. Thinking about the heart and relationships has become more central.

What does the difference look like? Everyone says that entering one's forties makes a person more reflective. So I have spent my time recently considering how culture has influenced my spiritual walk. We do not think about this question enough. For most of us, culture is a given that we have to accept and deal with as best we can. But the package of dreams and goals that drives most Americans does work its way into our values and into our spiritual lives.

My assessment is that the impact has been subtle, much like the way a rusty hole in a pipe can slowly erode water pressure. Too many Christians are so immersed in our culture that, though they pursue the spiritual life fully, they find themselves going nowhere. Oftentimes we can pursue the spiritual disciplines with zeal--we may have daily quiet times or periods of fasting and prayer--but if the lens of values these disciplines are channeled through reflects commitments to our "American dream," then the result is not fullness of life in the Spirit, but an anemic attempt at living life on our own terms with a little bit of God thrown in. The result will be spiritual emptiness and disappointment.

Many pews on Sunday morning are filled with people seeking God, praying like mad, studying the Word, but who still wonder why God seems so distant. Maybe it is because our culture has taught us to pursue goals that do not bring us closer to him. Perhaps those goals undermine the relationships we are to have with him and with others.

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January 8 1996, Vol. 40, No. 1