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"I began to look at women and couldn't help but think about sex," Crosse recounted. "It got to the point in 1998 when I knew I had a problem. I had to be broken. It was a slap in the face to realize that in this area of my life, I was a joke."

That moment came on an airline flight in 1998. Crosse was returning from an engagement in Seattle and the long flight home to Nashville, Tenn., gave him time to reflect on his life and the secret sin he held in his heart.

"I got saved when I was 13 years old, but this area of my life tormented me. I would ignore it. I was in denial, but I tried to ignore it," he said.

"But on that airplane, God made it so clear to me. I was way up in the sky, looking down on my life. It was like I had stepped outside of myself and was observing my own life," he said. "It was interesting to have that perspective on your life. To see you as other people see you."

And I hated what I saw. I needed to clean up my life. I could see how this was going to take its toll. I had never committed adultery, but I knew it was going to happen. Pornography is one thing, but it only leads to a physical reality. You can only watch it so long before you want to participate and I had gotten to that point," he said.

Crosse said it was the longest flight of his life. "My desire to daily seek him and improve my spiritual life is real," he said. "I know I was saved when I was 13, but most of the time I was on autopilot. I believed Christ. I believed the Bible 100 percent, but I didn't actively live it all the time."

The next step for Crosse was difficult—he had to tell his wife. "I had to bare my soul to her," he said. "We had a long sitdown, a time of confession, a time of prayers and tears," Crosse said. "I had to confess a lot of fantasies."

Crosse received his wife's forgiveness, but the healing wasn't overnight. "To this day, there is healing. It was a time of reckoning. I had to admit that I am vulnerable to this. I'm not this guy walking around that's incapable of failure. I had to make this area of my life a priority with God."

Two years later, Crosse said he maintains strict accountability in his spiritual walk. "I have people that I'm accountable to," he said. "It's amazing how God sent people into my life that I could talk to about this."

One of those individuals was Crosse's vocal coach. During his struggle, Crosse began to develop vocal problems. He was not happy with how he'd been singing, and it was beginning to take a toll. "I had always thought if all else fails, at least I can sing," he said. "I used to really find strength in my voice, and it had always been my security. So these problems suddenly grabbed my attention, and I know now that it was really God trying to speak to me."

Crosse said his vocal coach challenged him to aspire to a new level in his spiritual walk. "I can't say why, but I truly feel called now more than I ever have before. When I first got my record deal, I don't think I was that advanced in my Christian walk. I was passionate and believed what I was singing about, but I didn't have a true platform or ministry statement."

Now, Crosse said he does. In his newest musical project, "A Different Man," Crosse poured himself into the lyrics, honestly relating his personal struggles through his music.

"Sometimes, Christian music paints an unrealistic picture of the Christian walk. Sometimes the walk is very hard. Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes it's not easy even when you know Christ, even when you have your purpose defined as serving him," Crosse said. "I know because I've faced [problems] and I want to talk about them."

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February (Web-only) 2000, Vol. 44