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Wheaton College has announced its new, inoffensive replacement for its Crusader mascot. The evangelical school will now play as the Wheaton Thunder. The college's Web site says that more than 1,300 nominations were considered and were assessed by the following criteria: "1) graphically representable, 2) teams could rally behind it and be inspired by it, 3) gender neutral, 4) cheer-able, 5) stand the test [of] time, 6) heroic, representative of strength and determination, 7) unique, and 8) constituents could easily identify with it." And, if you think about it, thunder is one of the few things that's scary but doesn't kill people. Only one problem with that list, however: if being graphically representable is your number one criterion, how are you going to graphically represent thunder? Sound waves? As sophomore Megan Cheng tells the Chicago Sun-Times, "It's very hard to visualize, but I really do like the name." College President Duane Litfin tells the Chicago Tribune that Wheaton is in no rush to finalize its depiction of thunder.

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October (Web-only) 2000, Vol. 44