Make Love and Babies
The contraceptive mentality says children are something to be avoided. We're not buying it
Sam and Bethany Torode | posted 11/12/2001 12:00AM
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One Flesh
The pastor who presided at our wedding used the eloquent 17th-century Book of Common Prayer ceremony. This service gives three purposes of marriage: first, it was instituted for the procreation of children; second, it is a remedy against sin; and third, it provides for the mutual society, help, and comfort of the spouses.
Although all three purposes are drawn from Scripture, several of our friends objected to the order in which they were given. They argued that companionship was the most important reason for marriage, and that procreation was a distant second. In response, we said the point is not that one purpose of marriage is more important than another—each is important and none should dominate at the expense of the others. Later, we came to believe that there is good sense in listing procreation first: having (or adopting) children ought to bring spouses closer together and expands the community of marriage. The responsibilities, trials, and joys of parenthood are means of sanctification.
Sex is the consummation of marriage—it epitomizes the complete union of husband and wife. As Genesis 2:25 states, husband and wife become one flesh. Jesus reiterates this teaching when he condemns divorce: "They are no longer two, but one flesh." The apostle Paul writes that this one-flesh union is of mystical significance—it is a sign of the union between Christ and his church.
In her novel Souls Raised from the Dead, Doris Betts provides a beautiful picture of a one-flesh union. Describing two grandparents, she writes: "A plain and stocky couple, once blond and ruddy, now bleached by the same work and weather and habits, they might have been siblings. … or resemblance might deepen over the years from steady absorption of each other's bodily fluids. … Ye shall be one flesh."
It may seem strange to say that, within marriage, the free exchange of bodily fluids is a means of experiencing the grace of God, but we believe this to be true. As the Bible makes clear, the mystery of marriage is not about becoming one mind or one soul, but one flesh, encompassing the totality of man. When unobstructed, this one-flesh union leads to procreation and spousal unity. It's important to remember that married couples don't create children—God does, and they are a gift only he can bestow. We see our part as remaining open to children by being one flesh, and refusing to compromise that union.
Intended for Pleasure?
In the United States today, you aren't likely to win popularity points by saying that sex is meant for procreation and spousal unity. Thus, in order to stay culturally relevant, many evangelicals stress that God designed sex to yield pleasure. In fact, according to the title of one evangelical sex guide, sex is "intended for pleasure." In subtly elevating pleasure to the place belonging to procreation and unity, we may be unconsciously buying into our culture's hedonistic pursuit of pleasure as an end in itself.
A few months after we were married, we looked through the best-selling Christian sex manual, Tim and Beverly LaHaye's The Act of Marriage. We found the LaHayes' advice on birth control (and much else) similar to Dr. Ruth's. For example, the LaHayes enthusiastically recommend birth control pills for newlyweds. "Because of its safety and simplicity," the LaHayes write, "we consider the pill the preferred method for a new bride in the early stages of marriage. Then, after she and her husband have learned the art of married love, she may decide on some other method."
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