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Obviously, all couples have differences like that. But there are big differences inherent just between men and women. How do those differences manifest themselves?

What I've tried to do in this book is to tell women that their husband wants to be your hero. He'd take a bullet for you. St. Paul in Ephesians 5 said that we should love our wives as Christ loved the church, which means I gave up my life so the woman could live.

Women are relational by their nature. They have a lot of women friends. But men don't have a lot of male friends and we don't talk or share with anybody. So, in whose life do we want to be a hero? In our wife's. A lot of women don't get that.

What advice do you have for newlyweds?

I had a young newly married kid in my office years ago. I handed him a violin and said, "Here, play this." He said, "I can't play that." Again, I told him: "I want you to play it." Finally on the third time, he grabs the bow and he pulls it across the string. It makes the most ungodly sound you ever heard.

"That's good," I said.

"Good? That was terrible," he said.

But no, it was good. He made noise. That was good. Then, you just have to learn to make music. It is a journey. Practice is really important. There are people who practice with multiple partners. But if you've been sexually active with 12 people, and that person was sexually active with 12 people, then on your first night together, you just had sex with 4,095 people.

How should parents handle talking about sex with their kids? Or even oral sex that often is not talked about?

Teenagers today, since the President Clinton incident, have decided that oral sex is not really sex. Parents have to realize that [some] children in middle school are giving and receiving oral sex to classmates at school, on the bus, and in secluded places in schools. It's a real phenomenon today. Parents have got to get their head out of the sand.

Parents have to talk turkey to kids about sex, and don't tell your kids that sex is bad. Tell them it's the greatest thing in the world-but within the confines of marriage.

Copyright 2004 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

Visit DickStaub.com for audio and video of his radio program (4-7 p.m. PST), media reviews, and news on "where belief meets real life."

Recent Dick Staub Interviews include:

Why God is like Jazz | Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, talks about why Christians need writers who honestly deal with their faults and why penguin sex is an apt metaphor for believing in Christ. (August 5, 2003)

A Gerontologist Gets Older | David Petty, author of Aging Gracefully, has long taught about the process of aging. Now, he is personally learning that one of the most important aspects is the spiritual side. (July 29, 2003)

Carmen Renee Berry's Unabashedly Consumerist Handbook to Ecclesiology | The author of The Unauthorized Guide to Choosing a Church helps seekers find their best congregational fit. (July 22, 2003)

Are Darwinists Immoral? | Benjamin Wiker says Darwinism isn't science per se: it's just a reiteration of a 2,300-year-old philosophy (July 1, 2003)

J. Budziszewski Knows That You Know What You Know | Even though you may not know it yourself. (June 24, 2003)

How Dan Allender Broke on Through (to the Other Side) | A former drug dealer who evangelized before he was a Christian talks about his efforts to bring healing from sexual abuse (June 10, 2003)

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August (Web-only) 2003, Vol. 47