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Dating is not about finding the person who has it all together. It shouldn't be about Mr. Right. It's about Mr. Right for me, and I'm Ms. Right for him. We're so flawed, we're so grouchy, and some of us chew with our mouths open. But God uses us somehow in spite of our brokenness and can do that in the context of marriage.

Camerin: Nobody on any of these shows is talking about compatibility. Nobody asks Joe Millionaire what he's done in life or about his history. It is more about finding somebody who meets all these expectations than it is about finding one who matches up with what we have to offer.

Our divorce rate really backs that up. We're not choosing well. These shows show why the divorce rate is higher. They only perpetuate the unwise choices and the unwise factors on which we base such a huge decision.

LaTonya: These shows indicate that we all want romance. There's still this desire to be swept off of your feet. But I think people are assuming they can bypass the process of getting to know people individually over time. Perhaps they think they're doing themselves some sort of service and that they can have it all and have it quickly.

But it ends up being false. Out of the two Bachelor shows, neither has resulted in a lasting engagement. After going through these 25 people, all the screening to find this one, these people still find out later that it doesn't work in real life.

Camerin: People on these shows become so emotionally invested in such a short period of time. They look so crushed and devastated when they're taken off the show. It is as if they were in love. It just makes you wonder what they've invested in. How much do they really know this person? Most of this occurs over a couple of weeks and in group settings. To make a personal one-on-one connection seems really difficult in that sort of a setting.

Todd: The reaction of people cut from The Bachelor or Bachelorette reminds me a lot of the reaction of performers cut from American Idol. This is like a big audition. Their grief isn't from love lost. It's rejection.

Camerin: The fact that we call these reality shows is such a misnomer because they are creating this unreality. These people aren't faced with the day-to-day of having to pay bills and take out the trash. They're not seeing Trista [from The Bachelorette] when she's PMSing, crabby, or has had a bad hair day. A lot of these people are falling for this ideal that's being created. It's all set in this wonderful, dreamy setting. Who wouldn't fall in love?

Max: Any time you go on a date with a guy, it is a little bit unreal. The first couple of dates he's going to be putting his best foot forward. The question is whether it works in the reality of day-to-day.

LaTonya: This can really affect the way we view relationships by causing us to become cynical. If you watch these shows you might get the impression that folks aren't out there finding real love. But they are.

Camerin: I wonder if these shows make Christian singles feel even more freakish that they're not dating, that they're not having sex, and that they're not doing the things that are givens on these shows. You get desensitized to people having sex in the process of dating. This is on all TV shows, but this is supposed to be real. We should be appalled and turn this stuff off. I don't want to get to the place where, God have mercy, I go out on a date, and this infiltrates my thinking.

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February (Web-only) 2003, Vol. 47