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You wrote about how odd it was for you to have nothing to do everyday except stay alive. And days when deciding whether to brush your teeth was the most exciting thing of the day.

And deciding you just weren't going to do it because you didn't feel like it.

I think that was a hard thing. Since I've been back, I don't care if we're late to church anymore because it doesn't matter. And I'm not going to drive myself to get to church on time and drive my kids for us to get to church with a bad attitude. Just last week, [my son] Jeff was dragging his feet, and I got upset with him because we were late for church. He said, "What's the big deal?" And I realized there is no big deal. Who made the rules that you got to be somewhere and who made the rules that you have to answer that e-mail?

At first, when I wouldn't answer my phone, I got such nasty comments. I don't have to answer my phone. I don't have to get up if I don't want to get up. You make some choices, and I don't have to brush my teeth today if I don't want to brush my teeth today. And maybe that's a bad thing, and maybe that's how I can handle the boxes of unopened mail in my office and the mess. I'm just able to leave it. Whereas two years ago, I would have been driving myself and my family and everybody else crazy because I had to get those letters answered. I had to get my house in order, and this has got to be done.

My family and my friends have seen the days when I pick that old Gracia back up. But I think for the most part my heart and mind are different. The only thing you really need to do today is what God is asking you to do, and I don't think God cares about a whole lot of stuff that you're putting yourself through the ringer for. I think God cares that we're walking with him, and he's going to impress on you what you need to do. And we're running around like crazy people, and God couldn't care less except that he misses us, if we haven't stopped and spent some time with him. I'm preaching to myself.

You talk a lot about prayer in your book. Is it harder or easier to pray now than it was before your captivity—or during your captivity?

When we were in captivity, I had nothing to do but pray, and Martin and I prayed a lot together. Just a little tiny thing would happen, and we'd say, "Let's pray." I probably don't say, "Let's pray," as often as I should with my kids, but we do stop and pray.

I'm praying all the time in my heart. [Smiling] Probably the Lord gets really tired of my prayers, just the same over and over: Just give me wisdom. I need wisdom. I need wisdom. I don't even know what to pray about. I could say Give me a personal assistant. Give me somebody to clean the house. But I think I need wisdom.

I don't pray as much as I should, and I don't pray as much as I did in the jungle because I'm out now and I have a water tap. If I get thirsty, I go get a drink. I don't ask God for a drink of water. And when I get hungry, I grab a piece of fruit or something that's sitting on the table. I don't ask God to provide something for me to eat. And when I'm cold, I get a jacket from the closet. I didn't have to say, "God, please supply me with something to keep the heat in my body." When you have things, you forget that God's the one providing everything in your life.

I do say, Thank you, God, all the time. When I'm putting on my shoes, or when I come to a stoplight. I love streets. I love that there's a way to get from point A and point B without walking over a mountain to get there. And I love stop signs, so you don't have to wonder. Life is so organized. I love the smell of cigarette smoke, but no one would understand that. It means there are people around. If I can smell cigarette smoke, I'm not all by myself.

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May (Web-only) 2003, Vol. 47