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But as I sat there, receiver in hand, listening to the dial tone, I realized that I was about to throw my whole life away. It didn't feel like freedom; it felt like I was about to be further enslaved. I simply could not complete the call; I decided to get help.

An article by a fellow struggler, "No Easy Victory" (CT, March 2002), gave me the courage to come clean to my wife. By confessing my sin to God, my wife, and a few others within my local church, I began the journey to true freedom. In the end, I was set free thanks to a combination of accountability and an internet course called Door of Hope at www.settingcaptivesfree.com.

I unlearned the lies that the affirming church propagates. I admit my responsibility for believing them, and for my actions based on them. But the damage continues to reverberate.

I'm still in the process of rebuilding my relationship with my wife. She lost her trust in me, and why not? When she finds me at the computer, she wonders if I have again become ensnared by porn. To alleviate her concerns, I have made my computer use an open book to her and my accountability partner.

My wife lives with embarrassment that is not of her making, and never knows how friends will react if they find out about my past. She must deal with the damage I have done to her self-image. After all, what does a woman think about herself when her husband has desires for men? You never hear this question raised by the affirming church.

But the Lord has brought us healing. Even though we still have our ups and downs, our commitment to each other has grown in ways that I could not have imagined before all of this. Most of all, each of us has grown in our relationship with Christ.

It's not easy to escape the slave ship of homosexuality. But according to Exodus International communications director Randy Thomas, there are tens of thousands of people who would identify as ex-gay, and several times more who have never identified as gay in the first place, having moved beyond their same-sex attractions entirely.

My pastor likens affirming Christians to the doctor who examines her patient and discovers life-threatening, but treatable, cancer. However, knowing that the patient cannot bear the thought of the painful treatment, she sends the man home with the "good news" that there is nothing wrong with him. Instead, the good doctor tells her patient that the symptoms of cancer are something "quite natural" that he should "accept."

In the same way, I've had Christians tell me that homosexuality is "natural," that I was "born this way," and I should "accept" the way I am. They have said that my marriage was a mistake; I should divorce my wife and affirm my gay identity. But I have heard countless stories of men and women who came out from affirming churches because they realized that they were not being who God wants them to be.

Believers can act like the false physician, telling people tempted by homosexuality that same-sex orientation is part of their identity and that they should accept it. Or, we can act as judge, jury, and executioner, driving them away from the Savior who loves them. Either way, we risk the same result: spiritual death.

Or we can respond like Jesus would, with grace and truth: "Come unto me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Those words called to me, weary and heavy-laden with sin, several years ago. Shouldn't all Christians bear that message of freedom and hope?

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December 2004, Vol. 48, No. 12