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Two books give step-by-step instructions on what information to convey at each stage in a child's life, from infancy to young adulthood. They are How to Talk Confidently with Your Child About Sex by Lenore Buth (Concordia), and How and When to Tell Your Kids About Sex, by Stanton L. and Brenna B. Jones (NavPress). Both urge parents to become their children's primary sex educators. Even though Buth writes as part of a Concordia Publishing

series (Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod) that can be used in Christian schools, neither she nor the Joneses make much of the church as a factor in sex education.

Buth uses a friendly, common-sense tone. Rather than urging parents to take a highly directive approach, she tries to inculcate open attitudes and good answers when questions about sex arise. While clearly scriptural, her writing would communicate best to lukewarm church members concerned more about shielding their children from harm than about keeping them pure. There's little sense of Christians as an embattled minority.

The Joneses, by contrast, begin with "The Battle We Are Losing." Later the imagery changes to disease prevention: we learn how to inoculate kids against non-Christian messages. This is a smart book, blending research findings with biblical reflection. The authors are also very practical. They tell you what to do in great detail, offering many sample dialogues on difficult issues.

When is the best time for giving children the dreaded "sex talk"? Between the ages of 5 and 7, say the Joneses; Buth says between the ages of 6 and 9. You were thinking maybe 13?

Two series of short books communicate directly to children, beginning with read-aloud picture books for ages 3 to 5 and progressing to simple, informative books for adolescents. The series' similarities are more striking than their differences. They blend physiological and medical information with a biblical theology of sexuality. The approach is parent-centered, especially in the books for younger children.

In both series, authors assume that children will be curious about issues that once went entirely unmentioned in Christian homes. What's the Big Deal?—the Joneses' book for 8 to 11-year-olds—includes chapters on "Sex Outside of Marriage," "What Is AIDS?" "What Does Gay Mean?" and "What Is Sexual Abuse?" Learning About Sex deals with these questions in its book for 11- to 14-year-olds. Answers are forthright.

These four attempts to help parents or youth leaders with adolescents are wildly different in tone and substance. Paul Tripp's booklet is too brief to offer detailed advice, but he has obviously reflected long on biblical principles for adolescence. These form the core of his approach, with an implied subtext: good biblical thinking leads to good biblical ministry. To him, it appears, teaching is the fundamental form of ministry to teenagers.

La Verne Tolbert, while in general agreement with Tripp's principles, uses an entirely different approach, describing her experiences as a single person and as a parent. At the core of her approach is relationship. She doesn't really have a formula, but she certainly offers good examples. When Tolbert describes struggling with her adopted African American daughter over peer pressure, schools, and attitudes, she's unquestionably real. She is an authoritative parent willing to tell it like it is, with help from the Bible.

Keith Deltano is a Christian comedian. Making Virginity Possible made me laugh, particularly when Deltano describes dads glued to their TV remotes and moms trying to lever the dads from family sofas. Deltano offers hardly a word about respecting your teenagers, but he is very practical and savvy about dealing with them. He, too, would adhere to Tripp's biblical principles, but he shows less interest in teaching such principles than in demonstrating them through family behavior. For example, his first chapter tells parents how to give a third-degree grilling to every one of their kids' friends, whose phone numbers, addresses, and parents' names should be listed in the family "Tribe Tracker."

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June 2004, Vol. 48, No. 6