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Like most of us, Newton came to his senses slowly. While in Charleston, Newton began writing letters and journal entries that showed pity for his human cargo. God was working in his heart. Newton returned to England, married, and ... no, he still did not change.

Allowed to captain his own ships, he continued to steal and sell human lives for several more years. In his journal, Newton even wrote that being the captain of a slave ship was optimal for "promoting the Life of God in the Soul." Newton's slave trading might have continued for many more years except for a seizure that made a career change medically necessary. In all, Newton spent 10 years trading slaves, most of them after his conversion to Christianity.

Newton's biography was not the story I expected, yet it is hauntingly familiar to my Christian journey. We fall short of God's desire for our lives. Our disordered passions do not suddenly become ordered with a flash of insight or a spiritual awakening. Sanctification is a lifelong calling, an epic journey. It was not until many years later that Newton could write, "[I] was blind but now I see."

Newton became a customs officer, studied theology, and eventually—despite feelings of unworthiness because of his past sins—became a minister. As Newton's eyes opened more fully with each passing year, he became horrified at his sin. One of his friends later recalled that he never spent 30 minutes with Newton without hearing the former captain's remorse for trading slaves. It was always on his mind, nagging his conscience while reminding him of his utter dependence on God's forgiving grace. In one of Newton's letters to a member of Parliament, he described the slave trade as "a millstone, sufficient, of itself sufficient, to sink such an enlightened and highly favour'd nation as ours to the bottom of the sea."

Seeing our sin occurs over a lifetime of pursuing God. Our vision is seldom restored in a single burst of light but with countless rays streaming into our darkened eyes over many years—and always in the midst of amazing grace. At the end of his life Newton said to his friends, "My memory is nearly gone; but I remember two things: That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Savior."

"Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me." Now I sing it out—the whole line.

Mark R. McMinn is the Dr. Arthur P. Rech and Mrs. Jean May Rech Professor of Psychology at Wheaton College. This article is an excerpt from Why Sin Matters: The Surprising Relationship between God's Grace and Our Sin (Tyndale, 2004).

Copyright © 2004 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

For more on Newton, see Christian History's Issue John Newton And the story of Amazing Grace.

More Christianity Today articles on sin include:

Let God Handle Your Sin | The Christian life isn't so hard when you let God do all the work (March 22, 2004)

The Language of Sin | Why Sin Matters says sin and grace are part of the same story. (April 07, 2004)

Full of Grace and Sin | Can we continue in sin even after we've given our lives to Christ?

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May 2004, Vol. 48, No. 5