Making Do with More
In an age of abundance, how do we survive with our souls intact?
Tim Stafford | posted 2/01/2006 12:00AM

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Career. Young people have job anxieties, but much of the difficulty comes in choosing from thousands of ever-shifting possibilities. They know they can get a job. But a good jobwhat exactly is that? Can I locate one that will promise in advance to make me satisfied?
A young woman in her 20s told me she knew very few people who moved directly from college to graduate school or a career. "They would just say they were taking time to figure out what they want to do. One night last year, [my housemates and I] talked about the 'quarter-life' crisis. Some are scared to make a decision. The fear is that you'll choose the wrong thing and regret it later."
Love and Sex. Your field of dreams is not restricted to your high school, your town, or your college. It's the whole world. You can search the internet for bliss. You can experiment with all levels of sexual involvement, from hookups, to going out, to living together. Your parents' pathwaydating, courtship, marriagehas splintered into hundreds of utterly personalized, individualized options.
Altruism. Those who wanted to help the less fortunate once served on their own, apart from a few service clubs. Today, every school has organized altruism. Some schools require it for graduation. If you don't find an appealing opportunity, the local volunteer center has more options. So does your church.
Religion. Which church has the best ski trip? Which church has the best worship band? Young people choose from multiple fellowships. A generation ago, the only young people who had done overseas service were missionary kids. Now, many young Christians have gone to Mexico to build houses or teach vacation Bible school. Some have traveled to Nepal, Kenya, Nicaragua. Such option-rich Christianity will continue into adult life. Today's disciple begins with multiple choices: which church, which service (traditional, contemporary, or contemplative), which fellowship within the church? Not a few wander from place to place, unsure what to pursue.
FROZEN BY INDECISION
Of course, many have no trouble with all these choices and go through life in a straight line. But many others, like Susan, become dazzled and bewildered, frozen by indecision or jabbing in five directions. A million options promise five million happinesses, but they often lead to a billion disappointments.
"My parents were so driven," one college dropout told me. "Even in high school, they knew what they wanted. For me, having everything handed to me, it's harder to make a decision to do something that's difficult. I feel stagnant. It's hard to feel motivated, with so much coming at you. There are so many options that look really nice. It's harder to make a commitment, harder to really connect to something."
Psychotherapist Jessie H. O'Neill has made "affluenza" her specialty. Among the symptoms O'Neill sees:
Loss of personal productivity
Loss of future motivation
An inability to delay gratification or tolerate frustration
A false sense of entitlement
Loss of self-confidence
Preoccupation with externals
Depression
Self-absorption
Addictions
Other compulsive-addictive behaviors: i.e., rampant materialism and consumerism.
PROMS THEN AND NOW
Though I am a baby boomer, part of a generation that caught the first whiff of general affluence, I grew up with the old virtues. When I was a junior in high school, I wanted to take my girlfriend to the prom. The trouble was, although I worked a part-time job, I just didn't have enough money to rent the tux, pay for a corsage, buy dinner, and pay for the dance. It never occurred to me to apply to my parents for a loan. They didn't have any extra money. So I didn't go to the prom. I felt a bit sorry for myself, but I made do.