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"It will be great to have another man around," she said.

"I always have to lift those bags of pellets for the wood stove when John is out taking pictures, but you can do that. I'll get you a key."

"A key to what?" I asked.

"The apartment is above the garage," she said, and pulled a key out of the junk drawer. "You should just do what John tells you. It's easier that way," she said, handing me the key.

"You guys really want me to move in?" I asked.

"Guess so," she said with a smile.

So that is how I moved in with John and Terri. And that is also how, without knowing it, I suddenly had an authority figure in my life. John is not the kind of guy who wants you living upstairs at his house if he doesn't want to teach you something. I didn't know that when he invited me, otherwise I wouldn't have moved in, but it was true. I lived with him and Terri for four years, and I was there when the next two kids were born, Elle and Cassy. And I was there when they got a dog, and I always took the Christmas picture, and I overheard John and Terri fight, and I—more than once—had to go back to my apartment when they were cuddling a little too intimately.

What I am trying to say is, I saw a family. For the first time in my life, I saw what a father does, what a father teaches a kid, what a husband does around the house, the way a man interacts with the world around him, the way a man—just as does a woman—holds a family together.

I am not going to tell you it was easy. There were times I would have rather lived on my own, played my music as loud as I wanted, come home drunk, whatever. But playing your music as loud as you want and coming home drunk aren't real life. Real life, it turns out, is diapers and lawnmowers, decks that need painting, a wife that needs to be listened to, kids that need to be taught right from wrong, a checkbook, an oil change, a sunset behind a mountain, laughter at a kitchen table, too much wine, a chipped tooth, and a screaming child. The lessons I learned in the four years I spent with John and Terri will stay with me forever.

I read a passage in the Bible a long time ago that said, "God sets the lonely in families." Looking back on the time with John and Terri, I know that passage was talking about me.

Excerpt taken from Donald Miller's, To Own A Dragon and reprinted by permission of NavPress. To order a copy of To Own A Dragon, go to www.navpress.com.

Copyright © 2006 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

Also posted today is an interview with Donald Miller.

To Own a Dragon: Reflections on Growing Up Without a Father is available from Christianbook.com and other book retailers.

More information is available from NavPress.

Miller's website has more information about his books and his speaking schedule.

Past Christianity Today interviews with Donald Miller include:

Finding God in Odd Places | There's more to faith than grids and logic, says Donald Miller. (Sept. 14, 2005)

The Dick Staub Interview: Why God Is Like Jazz | Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz, talks about why Christians need writers who honestly deal with their faults and why penguin sex is an apt metaphor for believing in Christ. (Aug. 5, 2003)

Other reviews and excerpts from his books include:

Learning to Love Moses | The difference between meaning and truth. an excerpt from Searching for God Knows What (Nov. 8, 2004)

Musings that Swirl | Searching for God Knows What: Stimulating ideas about the Christian life. (Nov. 8, 2004)

Soul Language on Paper | Blue Like Jazz resonates with readers who grapple with the paradoxes of faith. (Aug. 5, 2003)

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June (Web-only) 2006, Vol. 50