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The dying wonder who will care for their loved ones. This is just as true for the 21st-century man leaving behind his wife as it would have been for a first century Jewish man caring for his mother. Jesus tells his mother "Dear woman, here is your son," and his disciple, "Here is your mother."

This scene is a metaphor for the expanded family into which Christians are reborn. This family has the responsibility of taking care of its bereaved members. Yet Jesus also shows us his concern for his mother's welfare by discharging a very earthly duty. Wrapping up worldly affairs is so important that Martin Luther lists it as the first task in his "Sermon on Preparing to Die."

As Jesus neared his death, he was no stranger to spiritual anguish. Jesus' fourth words from the Cross reflect this. "Why have you abandoned me?" he asks God.

Jesus carried a burden that none of us will: the sins of the world. His spiritual torment, as a man who had fully communed with his God, was also unique. We will never know full communion with God only to have it cut off. But for a patient receiving a diagnosis of a terminal illness, it can seem as if God is absent. Here is the temptation of despair. If God is absent, what hope is there? Jesus acknowledges his spiritual state, but in doing so he shows us how to work through despair. Honestly dealing with God, even when we feel forsaken by him, is the first step.

Jesus also experienced physical anguish. "I am thirsty." In a culture that prizes independence, we often confuse autonomy with dignity. We worry about being a burden on others, and we are bothered by the "indignity" of needing help with the most basic tasks: dressing, bathing, even using the bathroom. The inability to care for oneself is often used as an argument for physician-assisted suicide. Here we see the temptation of impatience. In an age where death comes after years of decreasing function, we must learn that dignity does not come from being able to button a shirt or use the bathroom independently. Recognizing our dependence on others and learning to wait for God's timing—rather than ending our own life or stubbornly refusing help—are important steps in preparing to die.

Not only is dependence a practical necessity, Byock says allowing others to mind our needs can be a gift to caregivers. For Christians, this interdependence is a natural part of being the body of Christ. The healthy need the ill as much as the ill need the healthy. Practicing dependence cultivates contentment. This helps us avoid avarice, or the inordinate desire for wealth.

Those who work with the dying often report being amazed at how long a dying person clings to life. And then, when a birthday, a visit from a family member, or another important event passes, the dying person quickly lets go. Jesus' first five words have shown us how to prepare to die. At the end, Jesus shows us how to die. Recognizing that his life is complete, Jesus says, "It is finished."

In his book, Mrs. Hunter's Happy Death, John Fanestil writes, "When I am asked to name the single greatest difference between the typical death in our day and the deaths represented in the accounts from the 18th and 19th centuries, I reply, 'the vitality and agency of the one who is dying.'" Fanestil, a pastor who has worked with many dying congregants, says they are often very aware that their body is shutting down. Yet, personally, they are very much alive.

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April (Web-only) 2007, Vol. 51