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2. Mothers—probably partly due to the physical bond they have with infants during pregnancy and breastfeeding—are more sensitive to the distinctive cries of infants. For instance, they are better than fathers at detecting the difference between a cry of hunger and cry of pain.
   
   
3. Whether it's hormones or instinct, mothers are better at overall nurturing behavior, including hugging, praising, and cuddling.

In short, women are better at these behaviors, and it shouldn't surprise us that they enjoy nurturing children. We all like to do things we do well and that come naturally.

Studies also show that fathers bring their own gifts to the parenting table. Carrying babies to term and breastfeeding are not, alas, two of them. But it isn't as if God has left them high and dry.

1. Fathers tend to excel at discipline. Because of their physical size and strength, and the deeper pitch of their voice, they tend to instill more respect in children. They tend to be more assertive with children and tend to enforce family rules more consistently.
   
   
2. Fathers excel at play, or at least a certain type of play. Fathers are much more likely to engage in vigorous and physical play, including wrestling, kicking a soccer ball, and so forth. As children play these more physically demanding games with their fathers, they learn how to manage pain and regulate strong feelings that arise in physically aggressive situations.
   
   
3. Fathers play a central role in helping children confront the challenges and opportunities in the world. Fathers are more likely than mothers to encourage children to risk, to try new things, to be independent. They are more likely to introduce them to the worlds of work and sport and civil society.

One cannot make such distinctions nowadays without the usual caveat: Not all women excel at nurturing, not all men excel discipline, and so on. What a boring world this would be if we all fell into predetermined slots just as social science tells us to! But the fact that something isn't always true doesn't mean it isn't generally true. God has not made us robots, but he loves this planet enough to forestall chaos. In nearly all cultures up to this point in history, the above noted strengths of men and women have played out in daily life. That men have often used their natural strength and authority to abuse and subjugate women is not an argument against differences, only against the hubris of men.

My point is simply this. I continue to look for ways to encourage us all to relax a little about gender. I'm hoping that after the tumult of the last 30 years—during which time women have rightly learned a great deal about things like leadership and men have rightly learned a great deal about things like nurturing—we can once again affirm what culture after culture in human history seems to confirm: We are created male and female, both fully loved in God's eyes, but created with unbridgeable differences.

Better than the language of equality, I believe, is the language of fulfillment. "God created man in his image, male and female he created them." That is, we do not reflect the divine image when we try to duplicate or co-opt or replace each other. It's only when we participate with each other, with all our differences as male and female—as married couples, as friends, as co-workers—that we begin to fill out the image of the Triune God who created us.

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July (Web-only) 2007, Vol. 51