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Christianity Today, October, 2007 |

Redeeming the Remarried

There's a lot at stake if we neglect ministering to stepfamilies.

Ron L. Deal | posted 10/10/2007 08:56AM

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Instone-Brewer reminds us that divorce was not primarily a legal issue and was originally permitted by Moses because of hardheartedness (stubborn unrepentance). The heart of divorce is the hardheartedness of men and women. As Shelly points out, divorce is offensive to God, yet pardonable like any other sin. In many cases, divorce is indefensible, bringing serious consequences to adults and children. It should not be taken lightly. Yet to deny someone full forgiveness and the right to live life to the fullest in Jesus Christ denies the healing power of the Cross. God brings light out of darkness. His redemptive work in the lives of imperfect people restores the hearts of men and women and turns them back toward him. His grace forgives and transforms.

This tension is at the heart of the gospel: Sinners really can receive forgiveness and acceptance, despite their pasts. When it comes to most other sins, the church has long realized that it can be pro-hospital without being pro-illness. We just haven't given ourselves permission to do so with remarriage. Remarriage ministry does not diminish God's intent for the home any more than a ministry to alcoholics encourages drinking. Remarriage ministry simply responds to broken lives, as Jesus did to the woman at the well (John 4), with grace and compassion. In addition, it calls couples to honor their remarital covenant and to live holy lives starting from today. It also equips them to do so, thereby preventing further divorces, building stronger families, and stopping the generational cycle of divorce.

No Longer Alone

John and Diane finally found a church ready to forgive, facilitate repentance, and offer educational support and encouragement to their family. The principles of ministering to stepfamilies first developed in that church are now available to many churches. No longer do remarried families have to find their own way to the Promised Land of successful stepfamily integration. Maps are available.

Ron L. Deal is president of Successful Stepfamilies and author of The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family (2007).

Related Elsewhere:

"Runner-Up Wife" accompanied this article.

Christianity Today's articles on divorce and remarriage include:

What God Has Joined | What does the Bible really teach about divorce? (October 5, 2007)

Remarriage: Two Views | Two New Testament professors debate whether remarriage is acceptable for Christians. (August 31, 2000)

Divorce and Remarriage from Augustine to Zwingli | How Christian understanding about marriage has changed—and stayed the same—through history. (August 31, 2000)

Directions: You're Divorced—Can You Remarry? | The New Testament seems to support divorce for a narrow range of reasons, but does it support remarriage? (October 4, 1999)

Also see our section on marriage in America.

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October 2007, Vol. 51, No. 10

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Robin

Posted: October 20, 2007 12:54 AM

I am coming from a different light of the article. I have a sister who married a man who was married and has child. The family are Catholics but not strong. But he is very controling of her. She would do anything for this man. Do you think she should get divorce from him? This is how he controls her changes words around to make him not out to be wrong. He told her to only stay 2 months at her mother's home. Why are these things happening? He scared her by calling the Police.and tell her only way to solve problems with a divorce.

Mary	Posted: October 13, 2007 5:39 AM

I have a friend in my own church who divorced with his wife 10 years ago, according what he said, it was financial matters that caused their devorce, but later I found it is not, his waling away fro God made his marrige crumble.If a devorced person does not find the real reason in himself that caused his failure in the previous marrige, it is impossible for him to live happy in the second marrige.

Jeff	Posted: October 11, 2007 11:56 PM

A wonderful article. LIfe is not so simple. Only God knows the heart of man. While I am a Christian conservative it is true that Christians are our own worst enemies. While many pastors pontifcate the Family Research COuncil shows that over 37% of pastors are involved in pornography.... so if we define adultery as does Christ, there should be a lot less pontificating. I know David Instone-Brewer. My wife was in a coma for 4 years before her death. Dr. Brewer and his team spent the better part of a year helping me sort through the painful issues I was confronted with as a 43 year old husband of a wife in a coma with a 10 year old daughter to raise. Striving for perfection is the goal, as Scripture so points out, but condemning people who are remarried is an abomination. The woman at the well is the greatest example of this. Most pastors don't give 2 minds worth concerning the truth of divorce as outlined in the OT. They get stuck on Matthew and think its the be all to end all...

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