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Christian counselors and psychologists say the extent of the sex-addiction problem and the scarcity of treatment programs means millions of churchgoing men and women remain stuck in a cycle of sexual addiction, sometimes for decades. Guilt and shame keep them suffering in silence. A church culture that provides few opportunities to address sexual sin inhibits most addicts from telling anyone else. Often the addict doesn't seek help until a crisis occurs—such as being fired for looking at Internet porn at work.

New faith-based addiction recovery organizations that understand sex addiction are beginning to emerge. There are more than 60 recovery groups around the country specifically for sex addiction. That includes Pure Warriors, Pure Desire, Pure Life, Operation Integrity, and the Samson Society. Most operate on a small scale and are growing gradually.

Their methods differ, but all these programs share the belief that an addict is powerless to change behavior on his own. The OI meeting in Aliso Viejo included:

• Kevin, 53, a real-estate agent caught by his wife looking at Internet porn before a Sunday morning church service.
  
  
• Tommy, 35, a political consultant who spent more than three years participating in mate-swapping on Saturday nights, and regularly sitting in church on Sunday mornings.
  
  
• Nelson, 38, a self-employed businessman discovered by his girlfriend carrying on an emotional relationship in cyberspace.
  
  
• Evan, 43, a building contractor who claims to have had sexual intercourse with more than 1,000 women.
  
  

Perceived lack of sexual fulfillment is a common precursor to sex addiction. Nate Larkin, founder of the Samson Society, told CT that an addiction may start with a preoccupying sense of dissatisfaction, followed by a craving for relief. Then comes creation of a plan, followed by deception, and then the compulsive sexual act itself.

"The euphoria would pass, leaving me disappointed, awash in self-loathing, cursing myself for my stupidity, and promising never ever to do that again," Larkin, 51, writes in Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood. "I would step back into my regular life with renewed resolve, but before long my inner emptiness and dissatisfaction would start screaming for relief, and the cycle would begin again."

Douglas Weiss, 45, executive director of Heart to Heart Counseling Center in Colorado Springs, says an addict's brain doesn't discern whether his sexual behavior is moral or immoral—the addict only knows that this is a place to feel loved, important, and significant, albeit only temporarily.

The average addict is double-minded. Part of him desires to live a holy life. Another part wants to gaze at porn or have casual sex. An addict deceives himself by thinking he can control his improper behavior.

"Satan loves it when we think we can defeat this on our own," says Mark R. Laaser, author of Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction. Laaser, 57, believes anger is the primary reason Christian men commit sexual sin. "They are angry at God, angry at their spouse, angry at church," he says. "They feel abandoned."

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March 2008, Vol. 52, No. 3