3 of 3

John and I do have difficulties. He takes offense when I seem unmoved by the mistreatment of homosexuals in contemporary society. I am certainly not numb to this reality. But I remind him that horrific stories emerge every month of Christians around the world losing their basic freedoms, limbs, or lives. I remind John that I attend New Life Church in Colorado Springs, where last December, a man came to our Sunday service with a loaded gun and a heart full of hate, killing some of the people I worshiped with.

Understanding how we unwittingly hurt each other is instructive, but we realize that a relationship made up of "I'm okay, you're okay" mantras is no relationship at all. Conflict is a curious gift because it sharpens us, demanding grace and forgiveness. Complete harmony is the exclusive domain of the members of the Godhead or solipsists. Someone without frictional relationships is indeed a poor soul, for we are best formed in the crucible of conflict.

John is honest enough to recognize that being a Christian on a secular campus is no day at the beach. He notes that "his folks" have little reticence about standing up in large forums and asking demanding questions. "My folks," on the other hand, are typically silent or miniscule in number. He sees that after our events, students will approach me quietly, mumble something, shake my hand, and leave. He imagines this is how closeted students struggling with their sexuality would approach him. This observation has recently led John to launch into a sermonette about how we are all the poorer for only one side's involvement— including John, who is cheated out of participating in this section of the evening.

At Louisiana State University in 2007, his plea on this point was particularly impassioned. After a long, uncomfortable silence, a mother with her teenage children in tow nervously stood. "I feel very strongly about this issue, but I feel unsafe to speak up," she said. "Look at how Mr. Stanton is being treated tonight, and he hasn't said anything particularly controversial. Who would want to subject themselves to that? That is why I think the other side is not being represented." She merely voiced what John and I had seen on campus after campus.

We have wondered what it would be like to have a journalist follow us to three iconic secular and three conservative Christian campuses to note the differences. Where would we be more likely to find the most thoughtful engagement? Which events would demonstrate a healthy democracy? Would there be a difference? John and I gather we would find that "fundamentalists" don't come in one wrapper—that an event at even Bob Jones University might turn out to be more civil than, say, the tolerant University of Wisconsin, Madison.

Few of us are able to curb our dogmatism, nor should we. It sticks to any interesting person like toilet paper on the heel upon leaving the restroom; we only mock it when we see it stuck to others. It is John's and my hope that our friendship—which has become a curious, ever-giving treasure for both of us—will help audiences understand that strongly held differences can actually bring us together in meaningful ways.

Glenn T. Stanton is the director of family formation studies at Focus on the Family. He is the author of many books, including Marriage on Trial (IVP) and My Crazy Imperfect Christian Family (NavPress).

Copyright © 2009 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

John Corvino responds to Glenn Stanton's article on 365gay.com.

Marriage on Trial and My Crazy Imperfect Christian Family are available from ChristianBook.com and other retailers.

Christianity Today has a special section on sexuality & gender and same-sex marriage.

first page |  3 of 3

share this page

January 2009, Vol. 53, No. 1