The Good Christian Girl: A Fable
The girl was given to understand, from various quarters, that it was girls like her, girls who delayed marriage, that were the trouble with her generation, with Christianity, and with the country in general. She was informed that it was her own fault that she didn't have the things that she longed and prayed for. She started to hear words like "spinster" and "bitter" and "self-absorbed" and "career woman" whispered around her.
And the girl grew tired.
She was tired of advice. She was tired of waiting. She was tired of hearing about Prince Charming and Mr. Darcy. Perhaps most of all, she was tired of shaking heads.
So she ran off with the first non-Christian man who showed some interest, asked her out, and treated her with respect. And the knowing ones shook their heads and said, "What happened to her? She used to be a good Christian girl."
Gina R. Dalfonzo is editor of The Point and Dickensblog and a writer for BreakPoint Radio. She has never run off with or dated a non-Christian guy, nor will she ever. But she's not surprised when some Christian girls do.
"Speaking Out" is Christianity Today's guest opinion column and (unlike an editorial) does not necessarily represent the opinion of the publication.
Copyright © 2010 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.
Related Elsewhere:
Previous Christianity Today articles about singleness and dating include:
The Case for Early Marriage | Amid our purity pledges and attempts to make chastity hip, we forgot to teach young Christians how to tie the knot. (July 31, 2009)
Restless, Reformed, and Single | Online dating services argue that God can use virtual reality too. (July 31, 2009)
Choosing Celibacy | How to stop thinking of singleness as a problem. (September 12, 2008)
30 and Single? It's Your Own Fault | There are more unmarried people in our congregations than ever, and some say that's just sinful. (June 21, 2006)
Sex in the Body of Christ | Chastity is a spiritual discipline for the whole church. (May 13, 2005)
Would a Christian Bachelorette Be Different? | A panel of Christian singles discusses the proliferation of reality dating shows and the turn from seeking one-night stands to seeking spouses. (Feb. 1, 2003)
The Man Who Ignited the Debate | An interview with I Kissed Dating Goodbye author Joshua Harris (June 11, 2001)
Solitary Refinement | Evangelical assumptions about singleness still need rethinking (June 11, 2001)
Kissing Nonsense Goodbye | A slew of recent dating books are asking the wrong question (June 11, 2001)
A Singular Mission Field | There are more single people in America than ever—and they need the church as much as ever. (June 11, 2001)
Women Churchgoers 'Face Growing Difficulty in Finding Partner' | British magazine says church is out of single men, especially older ones. (June 7, 2000)
Her.meneutics, Christianity's Today's blog for women, has several posts on dating.
A Fractured and Beautiful Faith
Streaming This Weekend, May 24, 2013
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Cherry Messer
This article does not address the other half of the problem...where are the young men? At the same time that ministries were emphasizing purity in dating or courtship between young men and women, most Christian books and ministries removed the shame from masturbation. Add to that the availability of online porn, it's anonymity and pastors' inability or stubborn refusal to deal with this sin in their congregations and see where the real blame lies for the frustration and bitterness of a generation of women who have kept themselves pure for marriage only to find themselves approaching menopause as virgins. Many young men raised in the church have no desire to even bother with dating not to mention marriage, when online sexual entertainment is available 24/7. The Christian community's obsession with material wealth, status and higher education with it's student debt load, discourages early marriage that would fulfill male sexual desire in a God honoring way.
Sabrina Messenger
and the rest of the story? She became the unhappily married bitter Christian woman who was upset with Mr. Non-Christian husband because he refused to go to church with her. She bored the daylights out of all the women at the women's prayer group because she'd gossip about her man under the guise of making a prayer request. Eventually she grew tired of feeling bad about not having a husband at her side at services like "everyone else." So she stops going to church altogether....she basically cared too much about what the knowing ones think and instead of obeying God in the first place, she's now married but at what cost? Her soul? One has to wonder...
Ratchet Wrench
Sometimes we have to accept disappointments, even when finding a spouse. I've had to deal with harsh realities and understand that God puts us in positions that can be hard to swallow. I believe some people need to prepare for the reality that some things are not meant to happen and deal as best as they can.