Bully

There is something terribly jarring about seeing home movies of babies juxtaposed with footage of the same child much later, after years of bullying. Back then, they appear so joyful, smiley and unrestrained. Now: Quiet, sullen, beaten-down.

It's devastating.

"I'm starting to think I don't feel anything anymore," says 12-year-old Alex, one of those previously carefree infants who now has no friends because he's "creepy," "annoying," "not normal," and a "fishface." He's not alone. Over 13 million American kids will be bullied this year. Twenty years ago, I was one of them. In my volunteer youth ministry, I've worked with several more. This problem is real, the effects are terrible. So I am thankful for Bully, a new documentary from Sundance and Emmy-award winning filmmaker Lee Hirsch.

Alex

Bully's greatest accomplishment is its straightforward and poignant depiction of the victims' reality. The threats. The isolation. The name-calling. The pain. With Bully, the national crisis is given a face. Several faces, actually. Filmed over the course of the 2009-10 school year, Hirsch features Alex but intersperses his story with those of four other bullied students, giving us various facets of the bullying spectrum. Two families mourn the suicides of their bullied sons, Tyler and Ty. Ja'Meya was arrested for taking a gun to school to scare the bullies. Kelby is a lesbian tempted to move to escape anti-homosexual abuse.

It's amazing the access Hirsch was given, capturing everything from blatant bullying to the little side moments—like one scene where a boy named Cody is asked what it feels like when he's called a faggot. "It breaks my heart," he squeaks.

Heart-ripping, emotive moments are frequent. Alex is pushed and slapped on the bus. A boy serves as pallbearer for his 11-year-old friend. A mom breaks down on Mother's Day; how can she celebrate if she can't protect her own son?

The school bus can be a hotbed of bullying

It all makes for compelling footage, but Hirsch doesn't go much further than showing the problem and stirring sympathy. There are no interviews with experts analyzing the problem or offering solutions. But as anyone who has read about or observed bullying there aren't any easy solutions. It's a messy issue that no one has figured out how to fix. Fingers are pointed at the schools and police for not acting, at individual teachers and principals who excuse abuse as "kids being kids," and at parents who are not involved. Some could even question the actual bullied students who do not advocate for themselves. As one victim's cousin says exasperatingly, "Nobody does nothing about bullying!" (Unfortunately, the only mention of the church is in the story of Kelby, who says she wasn't welcomed there because of her homosexuality.)

But when the film ends, viewers are pointed to a website, thebullyproject.com, that offers all sorts of helpful suggestions for tackling the problem—for students, for parents, for teachers, for advocates. Action steps galore populate the website; viewers don't have to feel helpless, but instead take a stand.

Of course, with such a documentary, merely stirring the awareness is a great start. Maybe assistant principals—like one featured in the film whose responses to bullying are often ridiculously ineffective—will see that there are better approaches. Maybe fathers like Alex's will see the role they can play in satisfying their child's need for attention and acceptance. Maybe it will show children just what they are doing to each other. And maybe enough people will simply say, Enough!

One teen tells his story

These final hopes were almost squashed by the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA), which originally gave Bully an R rating because of six F-words. But an R rating would have eliminated much of the intended audience—students, at least without a parent. The distributor, The Weinstein Company, appealed the ruling, and teens spread petitions for a PG-13 rating. Canada gave it a PG rating. Still, the MPAA wouldn't budge. So Weinstein released the movie as 'unrated' in New York and Los Angeles.

Then, just last week, Weinstein agreed to cut three F-bombs, and the MPAA responded by giving Bully a PG-13 rating. (For the record, I reviewed the original, R-rated print.) Not only does this mean that more students can see the film, even without parents, but that it very well could be shown in schools. There is power in these stories. At one point, the abuse toward Alex escalated so much, Hirsch showed his footage to his parents and school. Seeing the footage seriously affected Alex's parents; unfortunately it may not have had the same effect for his school.

I cannot stress enough the benefits of watching this film as a teen or as a family. Are there easy, spelled-out answers here about what we can do? No. But as we become aware and discuss these kids' stories, we might become solutions in a small sense—even if it is only for one student.

For me, I was most left with the desire to just let the kids in my life know they are worth it. They are loved. And it gets better. It did for me.

Talk About It

1. Do you or have you seen the kind of bullying that is shown in this movie? What kid reminded you the most of yourself? Why?
2. How did watching this make you feel?
3. What are practical solutions offered or suggested here? What takeaways do you have from the movie?
4. Does bullying like this occur at Christian schools or churches? What can Christians do to help stop this abuse?
5. Why does Alex continue to hang out with kids who treat him that way?

The Family Corner

Bully is rated PG-13 for some language. There are three F-words, and various slurs of homosexuals and terms about various parts of anatomy. Kids are threatened with violence (including stabbing), hit, and verbally abused. There is frank talk about cutting and suicide.

Photos © The Weinstein Company

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