Minions
Image: Universal Pictures
Minions
Minions
Our Rating
1½ Stars - Weak
Average Rating
 
(33 user ratings)ADD YOURSHelp
Mpaa Rating
PG (For action and rude humor.)
Genre
Directed By
Kyle Balda, Pierre Coffin
Run Time
1 hour 31 minutes
Cast
Sandra Bullock, Jon Hamm, Michael Keaton, Allison Janney
Theatre Release
July 10, 2015 by Universal Studios

Minions—based on the sidekicks from 2010’s Despicable Me—is what happens when a studio is running out of steam. Despicable Me was a well-timed impersonation of goodness, though not all that mind-blowing in its own right—sentimental, star-studded, and as rote as they come.

The series has naturally spawned a sequel, a spin-off, and a further tri-quel in development for 2017, as well as six short films, a theme park ride, and three video games. So it’s probably safe to say that Minions has the artistic integrity of a WWE RAW match.

Like you, I don’t demand that every children’s movie be the newest, best thing to ever happen to film (though neither do I assume a children’s movie has to be formulaic and banal). Minions, though, is an almost aggressively hollow project. At least the Shrek films peppered their scripts with questionable jokes, so that adults could be either interested or offended.

Minions traces the history of its eponymous heroes, a race of creatures who evolved specifically to serve the baddest villain around—like T-Rex, Napoleon, or the Sandra Bullock-voiced 60’s-era villain Scarlet Overkill. The Minion trifecta that serves as the movie’s center (voiced collectively by co-director Pierre Coffin), after eons of jockeying, are ready to help Overkill in her plan to steal the royal jewels of England. Overkill (having apparently missed the first two movies) has no idea that having Minions help you execute dastardly schemes is like having bulls help you construct your china shop.

You might think, “Well, watching Minions as a family is better than nothing.” The truth is, it’s definitely not better than just reading to your kid, ...

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