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Christianity Today, April, 2007 |

Taste and See

Desire Happens

You see, you want. Then what?

Agnieszka Tennant | posted 3/29/2007 08:33AM

There are times in the lives of most Christians when a vital force inserts itself into our consciousness and demands to take over. We see someone, and we crave.

Sometimes we want and can have—with ...

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joy	Posted: April 11, 2007 10:13 AM

Jose asked, "what do you do if you are not strong enough to laugh off desire and move on?". Jose, the situation that you are in is extremely serious and your prayers need to reflect that reality. At the moment you feel sinful desire well up inside you, you need to call God for help. God is right there with you in the battle. Draw on HIS strength - its amazing! If the desire returns 5 minutes later, 77 times a day, keep asking God for help. You will probably have to tell your co-worker friend to cool it, if he is flirting with you. You may confess to him that your behavior toward him has not been honoring towards your husband and you feel really bad about it and you are sorry if you mislead your friend. If the desire does not subside, you may need to seriously consider looking for another job, in order to save your marriage. Read the Bible daily for strength; God's word is like food for your soul. Learn God's view of how important the sactity of marriage is. Get help at www.fltoday.com

Sue	Posted: April 09, 2007 2:48 PM

I enjoyed this article. This article came home to me. Ten years ago my husband started an emotional affair with an old friend, which ended into a divorce for me and remarriage for him after living with her for five years. At the time he was professing to be a Christian but his desires overtook him. I loved my husband and still do . I have not dated or had any desire for another man, but maybe someday that desire will return and I will once again hunger in my bones for the man that loves me.God has made me stronger through the trials but sometimes desires can take over if you are not strong in your faith.If you get in such a situation flee and pray for Gods strength.

C. Rodgers

Posted: April 09, 2007 10:12 AM


Thank you so much for this article. As a homemaker I can relate more than I realized. This has helped me more than you know. God Bless you.

Gabrielle

Posted: April 07, 2007 10:52 PM

This is so completely true. I am, to most people, an extraordinarily innocent and pure Christian girl. I am almost 23 years old and have never had a boyfriend. I am a virgin. Yet, my professor had managed to get me to drink and then kissed me. He was twice my age and married. For a year it deeply affected me, and in a lot of ways it still does. I went from being pure to being an adulteress...wow. This article is very good, it felt like it related to me, because I never ever for one minute thought that I would be apart of something like that. Her article is very good.

Anonymous

Posted: April 07, 2007 8:45 AM

This article was very timely. Any day or moment I read it would've been timely, but particularly so now because I am struggling with my thoughts about about a particular person at church. Sometimes I am able to cut them off at the start, reminding myself that he belongs to God as much as I do. At other times, the thoughts, which always start off "innocent" linger on much too long. And I struggle with shame and feeling like God will never bless me with a husband because I struggle too much with my thoughts.

Ifeanyi

Posted: April 06, 2007 1:07 PM


I also have battled with this problem as a committed christian surgeon. I have found that victory is not a once-for-all phenomenom but a give-us-this-day-our-daily-bread(victory) effect if I walk with Him. It humbles me, frustrates my wife, but God who brought so many safely in life is at work within us. Above all, I have learned to keep to the advice of "Finishing strong".

Anne	Posted: April 06, 2007 2:31 AM

I am a mature middle aged women now. When I was young having strong feelings of desire were only to be thought of and acted out in the context of marriage. I know men and women are wired differently, but do not underestimate the women when it comes to wanting to fulfill a sexual desire. It is as great, if not greater than a man's in that it is not always fulfilled even in the act, thus the desire to fulfill it even more. My husband did alot of traveling in our early years of marriage and the other Christian men that he worked with were always holding him accountable for his times alone. Never once did anyone hold me accountable and believe me I wished they would have, it was a hard struggle sometimes and I carried it alone with the Lord. Thankfully, He is faithful and He kept me from harms way. The temptation is there whether you are a man or a woman and must be dealt with equally.

jm	Posted: April 05, 2007 8:07 PM

An illicit attraction must be nipped in the bud. I had one grow up over the course of several years with someone participating in the same ministry, and when it reached a fever pitch I confessed to my spouse and pastor and had to pretty much sever the friendship, though nothing "wrong" per se had occurred. It took another several years for the pain to abate, and I was never fully free until the friend died. At the very first hint of attraction do absolutely everything you can, using some of the excellent advice given in this forum, to break free. MUCH easier to stop it at onset than after roots take hold.

Josie

Posted: April 04, 2007 4:14 PM

I didnt want to even read this when I saw it in my mailbox because I am being tormented with desires and I dont know what to do with it. It's silly for me to think I could just laugh it off and move on. I dont know if im strong enough to do that. So, if you arent strong enough, what do you do then? I let the desires take over the best of me (or worst for this matter at hand) and take the risk of 1.defiling my marriage by comitting adultery and 2. ruining a friendship with a co worker that I've known for 16 years WHO by the way, just lost his wife to another man.. viscious cycle isnt it? Is it me or is marriage and the sanctity of marriage not what it use to be? Im just asking because topics like these seem to be more common now a days and more common between people I work with and know.

Brenda

Posted: April 04, 2007 1:27 PM

Great advice on how to combat the desires of the flesh with thankful prayers to God! But let's examine the statement that desire, in & of itself, is not sinful. Not talking about good desires, but about temptation- the inward urge to do wrong; this kind of desire is sinful. Did God wire us to be attracted to others? Yes. 1 Tim. 5:11 recognizes that women have sensual desires that strongly motivate them to want to marry. So attraction can be a good desire, but as is the case with all of the good things God gives us, the flesh corrupts it. When you have an evil thought, God wants you to recognize that it is a sin and to dispose of it promptly. But "Let noone say, "I am tempted by God"... each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires; when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin." Jam. 1:13-15. Although it may be aborted, sin comes into being at the point of conception. Desires happen, but they can be reduced & transformed. Participate in the divine nature..2 Pet. 1:3-4

PetrePan

Posted: April 04, 2007 1:03 PM


Some of the things in this article were a little obvious and did not need to be said. However, I really appreciate the discussion in general and the technique ideas for focusing on Christ instead of the desired person. Thanks!

Michael

Posted: April 04, 2007 11:24 AM

Two thoughts on this: 1) Having shed Catholicism long ago, I still remember a tenet emphasized by nuns who influenced my young mind in elementary school - "avoid the near occasion of sin." If you think about the logistics involved, full-blown affairs simply can't happen by accident. They are typically insidious ("accidental" physical contact gets prolonged, "pairing off" behavior occurs, intimacy gradually increases proportionately with self-justification). Recognize the early stages of this path and get off it before it progresses. 2) Biblically, we're given another good strategy. "Treat older women as mothers and younger women as sisters." This speaks to the nature of the relationships we allow ourselves to have with the opposite sex. I found this worked very well for me during an unexpected time of singleness as a young adult. I had a good number of "sisters" during that time - and adopting this mindset made it easier to keep intimacy at arm's length.

Allene

Posted: April 04, 2007 11:21 AM

It's about time someone wrote something real for the Christian and non-believer dealing with desire. I, too, have been through the fire of desire. 5 years. May-June relationship. Perhaps one sided. But I know the lust was there on my part. I blamed myself as well as the devil. Times I chose. Times I didn't know where it was coming from, later I felt it was temptation. I know temptation is not sin, but leads to sin. Thank you Lord for this desire to be mental. I have mentally and emotionally but not physcially. I know that choosing to sin in this area would result in grandchildren or family given sickness or disease. Years pass in not having my eyes open to the consequences of deliberate sin I came close to losing a third son to death. The warnings were there. Thank you Lord I was able to recognize this as a sign from our Lord to stop deliberately chosing temptation and almost yielding. Now knowing how this temptation works, I am able to focus to the Lord immediately to rid thisAmen

Pam	Posted: April 04, 2007 11:20 AM

So often we forget the possession we have in Christ in that we are dead to sin. Choosing to respect the marriage bed puts personal choices of restraint into a relationship. We forget that as believers we ought to be one in spirit that also means that at times we are vulnerable. If we love someone Biblically before God and the world then we lay down our life for the brethren...we do what is good for them...letting go understanding a little more of Christ and the crosss.

mykidzmom5

Posted: April 04, 2007 11:10 AM

I am thrilled that someone tackled this problem in print. I am a "mature" woman (51) and have encountered this. It begs the question be asked if women don't need to be more careful about the places they find themselves at work and in church. The first attack of the enemy was on the home and marriage. He found Eve alone and began to woo her and lie to her. The world, through magazines, television and celebrities, tells us that we can have it all! That's the biggest lie of them all. It also tells us that we need to spend an inordinate amount of time focused on our beauty. I'm not talking about good grooming but the hours of nail care, skin care, and hair care. I love to get a manicure--my daughter is a manicurist--but I think we have to take stock of the resources that we expend trying to impress--Who? My point isn't to assign blame. It is, rather, to take a good look at where we find ourselves and if it leads to vulnerability to the snares of the evil one.

mlm	Posted: April 04, 2007 10:14 AM

Petra's comments could be my own. It is a painful struggle that I didn't look for; I wish I could go back to the time before this attraction to someone who is not my spouse began. I have to also disagree with the person who said that a good marriage would keep this from happening. A PERFECT marriage perhaps could -- but I have yet to find one. Sometimes a person comes along out of blue whom you are absolutely crazy about and connect with. I remind myself everyday how much I love my spouse and would never want to hurt him; I try to specifically focus on what I love about him; I also try to think realistically about this other person and realize he has imperfections; I also try to think about how I care for him as a person and want the best for HIM, which cannot be ME. Since I have to see him on a regular basis, I pray to God to let these feelings I have fade and to show me a way to have an excellent, Godly relationship with him. And I get up everyday and do this all over again.

Lydia

Posted: April 04, 2007 10:13 AM

Hello? In this current day and age that we're living in - with over-run entertainments, media, etc. that are just about trying to use "anything" to sell their products or promote something, I really think that people need to be all the more vigilant - especially Christians - to not sucumb to the influences of this sex saturated society. We need to be reminded of this "sting" or the detrimental consequences of choosing other than God's "good and perfect gift." In the book of James 1:13-15 we can read: "When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." If one just takes a look around at all the destruction that can be experienced - especially for the children... We've been "wired" to hunger for God, to delight in Him....

Jim	Posted: April 04, 2007 9:38 AM

How timely, I was discussing this with a friend in our Bible study last night. I guess, I'm glad to hear that women also struggle with this, as it seems men take more 'heat' about indiscretions of the eyes. My friend and I agreed that there are times when we just have to look away because the reality of the world is that some women dress in a way that; umm; let's just say it leaves little to the imagination. I love my wife and really don't want anyone else but it is a fine line between enjoying physical beauty and stepping out onto the slippery slope of desire. I have often prayed, asking to be able to look at a beautiful woman in the same way I can look at a beautiful man appreciating God's glory manifest in the physical without the desire.

Sandi.

Posted: April 04, 2007 8:59 AM

I want to thank Mister Five for his comments. This article touches on something most of us want to avoid looking at in our lives. How true it is that Satan blindsides us and we are left reeling, wondering what to do. This happened to me. It went from what I thought was just a nice frendship to...lets get together, you are so wonderful. I never saw it coming. He ws married to boot. Satan knows our weaknesses and he will play on them. Thank God I had a mentor who asked me if I put my armour on. Well, I knew that passage was in the Bible but actually put it on? I'd never thought of it Eph 6: 10 - 18 I was consumed with this man wanting me... thinking I was the most wonderful woman he had ever met. So I read that passage of scripture and asked God to place that armour on me, especially the helment of Salvation... to protect my mind from the enemy. Awesome! I never thought of this man that whole day. God is so good. So I say to Mister Five. Yes...I believe.

Wendy

Posted: April 04, 2007 5:29 AM

Like Nancy, I don't feel wired to jeopardize what I have for what I cannot have, even though I live in a beguiling world. As children of God and as leaders we must remain in a place with God that we guard what we allow into our spirits. If we were, and I am, more cautious about the kinds of images we allow into our homes and minds as entertainment there wouldn't be such a struggle with sexual purity or emotional ties to those other than our mates. When we allow ourselves to use secular, humanistic world views to describe our natures and give license to those who encourage illicit behavior through our supportive viewing we open ourselves up to all forms of sinful desires that should not be a part of our struggles in life. There are many more important things to give time to and many who are in need of our guidance. May God help us to use our thoughts for furthering morality.

LIGIA

Posted: April 04, 2007 4:31 AM

In life we have and we'll have a lot of temptations...we have desires, but how do we react to them?! We need "to hang up after God". He is our strenght and our salvation! Also...we need to sort the things we look at, the things we read etc (there is a full list here!)! I know that it's not easy, but we need to seek God from the bottom of our heart and we'll know - through Him - how to react to diffrent circumstances and not to sin.

Pearl

Posted: April 04, 2007 2:52 AM


Hey, thanx alot for the Honesty in this article. Yes many of us always run away from the feeling of desire and we would want to say, 'i cant feel that!' This article brings us back to reality that God created these desires in us and whenever they creep up on us we should take them to the one who created them in us and He will surely help us deal with them.

Anne	Posted: April 04, 2007 12:37 AM


I thank God that you have the courage to talk about something that is ussually hidden. Desire happens- and we even make the wrong choices sometimes! Intimacy developed between colleagues can lead to sin especially if one of them is a single parent. Let us not be ashamed but turn to God and thank Him for His work in our lives.

Morrete

Posted: April 04, 2007 12:36 AM

I do agree with you so much on this, in fact, i found myself falling into this problem last year, despite a very satisfying married life. i met an old school mate (we were extremely close in school) and almost fell into sin as a result of this 'soulmate' thing. What i learnt from this is keep away as much as possible from tempting situations and always remain honest with God, who understands our failings and wants all for our good. Thank you so much for the article, it has been a morning blessing for me.

Singapore

Posted: April 03, 2007 11:36 PM


I agree and I feel it. Being married with desires. And what you mention works in my life. Somehow in exposing, bringing that 'lustful desire' to God, and thanking Him for a His WORK so well done, in the form of a human vessel, it supernaturally breaks the desire to continue the lustful thoughts. Praise and (inappropriate) Desires just cannot function togehter in my soul. One will give.

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