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Christianity Today, May, 2007 |

Bookmark and Q&A

Bereavement Work

Traveling Through Grief advocates specific tasks for getting through loss.

Bookmark and Interview by Rob Moll | posted 6/08/2007 09:31AM

Traveling Through Grief: Learning to Live Again after the Death of a Loved One
Susan J. Zonnebelt-Smeenge and Robert C. DeVries • Baker • 160 pages • $12.99

"Perhaps the bereaved ought ...

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Geof Bowman

Posted: June 20, 2007 1:36 AM

6 years ago I lost my adopted 5 year old daughter to AIDS. She died on our loungeroom floor, surrounded by her family, while I sang Hymns to her. It was a tough moment and many times I cried out to God to take me and let her live. It took well over a year before I stopped crying when I thought of her. She was a wonderful child of God and I knew that she was in Heaven but I missed her terribly, all that she was and all that she could have been. I rarely cry now but her picture hangs in our living room, she is gone but not forgotten. Through her life, and death, God took me on a very special journey and my wife and I have since adopted 14 Khmer children, as we live and work in Cambodia, some from AIDS families. God was there in my grief but His response was more than being held in His arms, he used the situation to change my heart and give me a personal ministry beyond what I ever imagined. I am so Blessed by God, each time one of my children gives me a hug or says 'I love you".

judith

Posted: June 12, 2007 12:38 PM

Good article! Grief is that emotion that reflects God's image on the presence of evil and the loss it ploughs and sows in humanity. Without the depth of grief no one will reflect on the repairs to these losses that God has designed. When we as believers suffer grief it must be tempered by the Bible's words of comfort-we do not grief as unbelievers since we know the ultimate outcome. But we grieve. This makes us aware of our frailty, vulnerability, mortality and need for higher intervention. And as Peter, when we have gone through it and are strong we should strengthen others. Good grief-good pun!

the new Mrs.

Posted: June 11, 2007 9:06 AM

God took my husband's wife to Him after a remarkable length of time (2 years after diagnosis of Stage 4). I believe God has a plan for healing and that plan was me to be obedient to God and marry my husband and my husband to be obedient to God and marry me. While I believe the devil enjoys reminding me I am here because she isn't; it causes me to lean on my Heavently Father. And for my husband, I feel his faith in God has grown him to be the spiritual leader he is now. He has worked hard to get through the worst of the grieving process before God gave us each other. The readings of the Yale Study has helped me as I support my husband. As a Christian, however, holding onto grief rather than holding onto God while in grief appears to be the challenge or obstacle to growth. I am grateful to see my husband's response to grief and embrace the learning so I can remember that God's plan is perfect. I believe God has confidence in me to help my husband and He has confidence in my hubby

debbie

Posted: June 10, 2007 7:23 AM

I once read a story about a little boy supporting a grieving old man who lived next door. For several hours he sat silently by the side of a man who had lost his wife of 50 years. Later, when the boy’s mother asked what he had been doing. The boy replied that he had justs been helping him to cry. My husband and I are nearing the time when I will lose him to a long painful battle with cancer. After losing several people in my life, and having helped provide hospice care for a friend that died of cancer, I have come to the conclusion that, while people try to be supportive, they are so uncomfortable with their own mortality it is very difficult for them to face someone else's. As we “pin ball” among beautiful memories, his agonizing pain and the future that awaits us both, I thank you for your honesty, vulnerability in revisiting each of your experiences, and your constructive direction.

mary	Posted: June 08, 2007 9:13 PM

I wholeheartedly agree. Having lost a 4 year old neice, 22 year old brother, 44 year old sister, 63 year old mother and 64 year old mother in law to different forms of cancer has caused my life to be journey in grief. (my brother died when I was 11). People need to be educated that grief is not bad. It is necessary. I have a huge compassion especially for children who lose a loved one. We do not do right by our kids when we assume they are 'fine' simply because they seem to be coping outwardly. The same holds true in relating to those who have a loved one who with a terminal disease (aside from a Miracle). I got tired of hearing people ask "how is she/he"? when the answer they wanted was 'Oh, pretty good" Meanwhile the ill person is close to death and their body is shutting down. An honest answer was too uncomfortable for most people. I learned to say, "We're helping her be as comfortable as possible." Instead of "She is doing horrible and we are losing her daily." Thank-you.

areader

Posted: June 08, 2007 6:04 PM


Very good topic--not often touched on in magazines. Thank you.

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