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Christianity Today, October, 2007 |

The Fatherless Child

It is a unique cultural moment for the church to act like a family.

A Christianity Today editorial. | posted 10/09/2007 08:37AM

It's not remarkable to say our culture is confused when it comes to family. But the results of the recent Pew Research Center study on marriage and children are remarkable nonetheless.

The survey confirms ...

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Bill Bray

Posted: October 12, 2007 10:11 AM

Nice article. Wish it were more urgent and demanding. Also, I wish that it addressed the fact that Christian women need to encourage their fathers, husbands and the men in their lives to join the church's appointed diaconate in taking an interest in the single moms in the community and their orphaned children. Too often we don't have an active diaconate that is officialy appointed and recognized to help welcome and integrate the windows and orphans into our church communities, and therefore the men don't have a convering to do this work. I think that women need to help lead the way in this--and that all too often they consider the single moms a threat rather than an opportunity for Christ.

RBarryYoung

Posted: October 11, 2007 3:52 PM

While your article is well meaning, it is steeped in implied accusation and shame for single mothers as exemplified by tha claim that they "... naively think they alone can make single-parenting work." Hardly. The vast majority of such women never intended to become single mothers. Even leaving aside the cases of those who are widowed or abandoned, the most frequently stigmatized case: that of a woman who is a single mother because she became pregnant out of wedlock forgets the most important fact about her. In this case she is raising a child without a father because, whatever the preceding mistaken decisions in her life, at that point she *choose* to affirm life and she *choose* to accept her responsibilites to that child. What you, your readers and all pastors should do in turn is to remember that we are called to be God's hands in affirming the correctness of her decision and that despite the difficulties "through God, all things are possible".

dempsey

Posted: October 11, 2007 2:27 PM


To the Editor, Could that possibly be caused by the fact that white women out number black women in the U.S. 6 to 1? This is still a grave misrepresentation of the facts.

dempsey

Posted: October 11, 2007 9:16 AM

This article states: "The survey finds that the average unwed mother "is more likely to be white than black,..." when in fact, the Pew study found exactly the opposite. Here is the Pew summary statement: "Blacks are much less likely than whites to marry and much more likely to have children outside of marriage." Pew states this fact at least 6 or 7 times in it's findings. Why this discrepancy? Pew never makes the statement that Christianity Today's editor attributes it, in fact even "quotes" it, as having been made. This is dishonest reporting of the facts.

CT Editor

Posted: October 11, 2007 12:00 AM

In response to Dempsey: We are in fact quoting from the Pew study, which makes the statement about the typical woman who gives birth out of wedlock on p. 15 of the report. http://pewresearch.org/assets/social/pdf/Marriage.pdf. What might be confusing is that this statistic deals with pure numbers, not percentages. Despite the fact that a higher percentage of black women have children out of wedlock, there are more white women. Disclaimer: I couldn't post without giving this a star rating.

Raymond Takashi Swenson

Posted: October 10, 2007 10:39 AM

All boys in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints from age 12 on attend Sunday meetings with peer groups led by adult men, who provide spiritual instruction, leadership training, and plan community service projects and activities using the Boy Scouts of America program. Starting at age 14, they are assigned to accompany an adult man in visiting several families in their congregation at least monthly to carry a message of caring and look after their needs, both physical and spiritual. These "home teachers" visit all families, including those of single parents, and have a specific charge to support widows and other single mothers whose sons need adult role models. The primary formal responsibility of the bishop heading each LDS congregation is to lead and train these young men, with the bishop concentrating on the 16 to 19 year olds, and his two counselors supporting the 14 to 15 and 12 to 13 groups, and they interview each boy quarterly.

zOrv	Posted: October 10, 2007 9:48 AM

Without wanting to sound judgmental, and realizing I am sure there is much more to the whole story, I have a problem with a single mother adopting (ie: choosing to add voluntarily to her single parent family) two boys THEN complaining the church men did not do enough for the boys. If she was not capable of caring for them properly she had no business VOLUNTARILY adding them to her family. Part of the whole single parenthood crisis seems to revolve around people unable to take responsibility for the choices they make (men in particular, but some women also!).

Barbara Wilkerson

Posted: October 10, 2007 9:25 AM

Thanks for the much-needed reminder of the church's responsibility to children--especially those in fatherless homes. Godly men need to be present along with women in the nursery, kids clubs and Sunday school classes, in the youth and college groups. They need to be mentors in individual kids' lives. However, the church needs to CALL these men to such ministries--from the pulpit, from church leadership, from small group Bible studies. I don't see that happening a lot---those ministires are often left to women and a few young adults. My one concern is that churches be diligent about learning the background of those who work with children--eqregious offenses have taken place in churches by people who were permitted to work with children but never should have been. Lets be sure our care of fatherless children extends to their protection.

Vickie W.

Posted: October 10, 2007 7:38 AM

Your commentary is spot on. I have had personal experience with the unwelcoming side of churches when it involves unwed mothers, single mothers, and their children. In one case (as the teacher of a young boy from a single parent home) I was even told by my pastor that it is not the church's role to help these families lacking male support. Wow, that was an eye opener. It is time for our church homes to take an honest appraisal of their attitudes towards fatherless homes, single mothers and unmarried young women who are pregnant. And perhaps even the young men who helped them get pregnant!! It is not enough to say it is wrong to have sex before marriage. Perhaps it would be helpful to say more about why fathers are necessary to raising children. Someone to help get up in the middle of the night, help with your sick child, more income equals higher living standard, to stand up for mom in the teen years, etc, etc. Thanks for illuminating an embarrassing crisis in our churches.

Joy	Posted: October 09, 2007 6:15 PM


Great article! 5 star

penny hill

Posted: October 09, 2007 5:29 PM

it is not about marriage, family values or ideals that is important here. It is the notion of how we can physically clothe our beliefs about raising healthy and developed children in our communities. Children can never be the problem and there is never an ideal situation for raising them. You just do it with God's help and ask that people remember what it is like to do the same. I feel it is difficult for people to remember the hard yakka of parenting whether single or not. We all need help. We can all be more sympathetic to another's place in life so why aren't we developing opportunities,like opening our homes to offer the gift of an open heart?

John Unger

Posted: October 09, 2007 3:35 PM


Dare I mention that if a church charters a Cub Scout Pack, a Boy Scout Troop, and/or a Venturing Crew, that these are ready-made tools for men to mentor both boys and, in the case of a Venturing Crew, young men and women? So many churches I see try to re-invent the wheel. Instead, we need to use the tools available to us and minister to children.

caveat bettor

Posted: October 09, 2007 3:22 PM

The church is an institution ordained by God through the ministry of His Son. But marriage is an institution ordained through His creation. One cannot take the place of another. Of course, the kingdom of God is about redeeming both institutions, and each can make the other better when healthy. But there is no free lunch on earth. We will always have the poor, men will always wrestle with the land, and women will always endure childbearing pain, certainly in this life.

Gaynor Smith

Posted: October 09, 2007 2:44 PM

I have 2 biological children and 7 adopted. In 1999 my husband left and remarried someone else. Some of the older children lived with him for a while but over the years they either returned to me of found their own way. (5 still at home) I have not had a relationship with anyone during these years since most men seem to be intimidated by the number of kids I have. It is very easy for the churches to say you should find a male figure for the children but very few are prepared to do this, either because of their own commitments or their wives tend to be jealous of divorced women...I am not a single mother by choice but this is the way that God in His sovereignity has allowed. Christian men need to rethink how things can be done to help mentor young men and women who do not have a father. One of my sons has just being diagnosed as being schizophrenic and needs people to care...people say they are praying for me but what can be done practically??? I work fulltime to support my family

Glenn

Posted: October 09, 2007 11:56 AM

As a foster parent, I usually get to see these children of single parents only AFTER their mom or dad has reached rock bottom. When that happens, the role of the foster parent becomes two-fold: provide a safe and fruitful home for the child AND provide support and be a role model for the struggling parent(s). As Christians, I believe it is our duty to be role models for our communities in this regard, helping set the example for responsible parenting and supporting the parents who fall behind. We live in a culture that encourages change, and people often take that to mean changing their mates as often as they change their shoes. Men often leave their wives or else never marry the mothers of their children, and thus a new generation learns the hard lessons of single parenthood. I pray that we can all step up and take marriage and family more seriously, and also that more Christians will reach out to those families in need.

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