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Christianity Today, March (Web-only), 2008 |

Theology in the News

Wanted: Young Men in the Church

Delayed marriage forecasts an impending crisis.

Collin Hansen | posted 3/07/2008 10:42AM

You know the guy. He somehow managed to graduate college, but he still lives with his parents. And he doesn't plan to move out anytime soon. Or maybe he has a decent job. He lives with some buddies in ...

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spurgeon

Posted: March 21, 2008 7:56 AM


It is important to have felloship with others Christians.Our God wants us to have that.

Rich	Posted: March 13, 2008 3:47 PM

The absence of manhood--or its delay--is certainly not the result of any one influence, nor is it the responsibility (or "fault") of Christian women. Christian leaders and conservative social observers have lamented the emasculation of American men for years, but we do not seem to be much closer to solving the problem. I think one of the best points in the article is that "there must be something different and demanding about the gospel if we expect these men to abandon their self-concerned lives." We have clearly expected to little, even as we have given too little as fathers in terms of modeling biblical masculinity. The result is epidemic. Thankfully, God has never failed to be in control and to provide hope through his church. Let Christian men stand up and embrace the "tender warrior" mentality that can turn this dynamic around.

SA pastor

Posted: March 11, 2008 11:15 AM

Exactly what "biblical teaching about gender roles" is espoused in this article? Both male headship and egalitarian leadership are mentioned. Is one biblical and one not? Are both biblical? In order to reach young men with the Christian message, is one essential and the other doomed to fail? My United Methodist Church has welcomed women as pastors for many decades, and strives to includ both women and men in local church leadership. Yet in recent years I have heard a great deal of blame assigned to women in general and clergywomen in particular for the absence of men in the local church. It's female leadership that drives, or keeps, them away. So if only women would stop leading, men would start? Then in that case the Roman Catholic churches ought to be bursting at the seams with men. They restrict the priesthood to men. How's that working? We all have much to do in relating men and women, young and old, to Christ. We need all of us.

Ashley

Posted: March 11, 2008 12:23 AM

I think it is sad that not many males go to church. At my college it is mostly women who attend worship services, and isn't it important to attend these events to fellowship with others? How are Christian women supposed to meet Christian men if they don't attend Christian events? To me this is very frustrating. Why don't males feel the need to go to worship services? Are women supposed to be single because they can't meet any Christian men? I don't know what is up with guys and this problem.

Anonymous

Posted: March 10, 2008 11:57 PM

I wouldn't invite a man to church if it meant sitting under a female pastor. I'd redirect him to a better church. Jesus was male and the 12 disciples male. Early leaders such as Paul, Barnabas, Silas and Timothy were male. In the New Testament, all the preachers were male. The feminization of the church can be blamed on the women in the church. Worst of all are the female pastors and female worship leaders who pick feminine music. Give us back the old time hymns like "Stand Up Stand Up for Jesus". Get back to a strong, powerful, "Mighty" and "Almighty" God.

Edna	Posted: March 10, 2008 11:02 PM

As a female, I'm wondering why this article refers only to men, especially since single Christian women far outnumber single Christian men. Shouldn't it be "Are young adults doomed with out marriage?" Though typical divorce stats say we're at 50% in this country, a closer read reveals that the news is not all that bad...especially for those who delay marriage. The singles who marry after 30 and have a college education face a much reduced divorce rate of 15%. Perhaps it is better to establish one's identity before merging with another.

Josh	Posted: March 10, 2008 8:00 AM

Even though this article hints at truth about young men it is not always the case. The article has an underlying tone that a man needs to be married to go to church. I can sort of relate, the church caters to those who are married with children. This nearly flies in the face of Paul and even Jesus who were both single men. I wonder if Jesus or Paul would feel ostracized by this church. There are many good qualities of being single and free. I have more time than my married brethren to devote to church volunteering and I am looked to for that in my church because of my untetheredness. Also with this free spirit more missions could be done. Young men need to be sought for the qualities they could bring to church but not to sell them on marriage and a family that will just push more young men away from the church. on another note I also do not own a video game system which could be my problem. :)

Benny

Posted: March 10, 2008 7:48 AM


Which comes first: faith in Christ or church? We seem to be obsessed with church attendance as the STARTING point of faith and not as its consequence. Peter and Paul didn't start by calling people to attend church - they called them to believe in the Lord Jesus. Focus on the gospel and God might reform our churches.

lam	Posted: March 10, 2008 1:02 AM


If the church wants to see men take responsiblity and lead, they had better teach men how to be real men instead of fruitcakes.

J.	Posted: March 10, 2008 12:06 AM

It is indeed problematic that men often disappear from the church for several years upon getting out of high school or college and then -- maybe -- they return when they have kids. As a result, single twentysomething and thirtysomething women in the church far outnumber men in the same age bracket, which is a big problem that the author should have mentioned. I thought it was foolish of the author to compare the average unmarried thirtysomething male with Jesus, the Son of God. Remember what Jesus said about some men being eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom? It isn't too much of a stretch to think that he was including himself in that category. In addition, he knew his life on earth would be cut short when he was young. Perhaps he thought it selfish and unwise to marry and have children knowing a wife would be widowed and children left fatherless. There are very, very, very few unmarried young men in the chuch who can honestly use either of these excuses.

Dave N.

Posted: March 09, 2008 10:58 PM


As Jim stated, single people, especially men, are treated as some sort of pariah in the church. No wonder they don't want anything to do with it. In ICor Paul spoke specifically against this "marriage-as-status-symbol" attitude of the church. Not much has changed.

Jim	Posted: March 09, 2008 10:40 PM

Perhaps one reason these men behave more childish for so long is because the church has developed a social construct where people become adults when they get married. What would Paul have to say about that? Single people in the church are treated like they have a disease and, in an effort to cure them, are put into 'singles' groups and not really asked to contribute until they come back 'cured.' Perhaps if the church would develop a 'theology of single-ness' a la Paul, then this problem wouldn't be such a 'crisis,' rather an opportunity to expand the congregation...

Trying Christian

Posted: March 09, 2008 8:14 PM

Who wants to go to a church where men are constantly shamed as being deadbeat dads, porn addicts who use business trips as his excuse to watch hotel-porn, a dirtbag because he wants to watch sports on television every Sunday, or a person who can never be trusted that needs 'marine drill seargeant accountability sessions', constant 'private investigator' surveillance, or weekly check-ins with the Pastorial Probation Officer. You're considered guilty period!! You can never prove you're innocent no matter what you do. I left a church a couple of years ago that treated men like this constantly where being a man was the eternal repentance. Best decision made for my self-esteem. Worse if you're still single at 29 and portrayed as having mental problems, career failure, potential pedophile that can't be trusted to go to the bathroom and back during service, or one who at 3 AM looks at Internet porn putting the mental faces of the churches single women to the images on the monitor.

Steve Skeete

Posted: March 09, 2008 6:49 PM

I keep hearing it all the time, men are the ones who are irresponsible, childish, afraid of marriage and on and on. Where I come from the saying is that men are in "crisis". The Church it seems has now joined in putting down males as well. Well tell me, would you as a man join a group of people who think you are the inferior sex? Would you join a group of people who are looking to hitch you to the first available and willing female, and who are looking to marriage and family to civilize you? And would you join a group of people who believe their task is to feminize you, to get you to act, think and feel more like a woman? A group who think that the only answer to your male "aggression" and your "competitiveness" is to soften you up and get you to display your "nurturing" side. Face it, too many of our churches have become female friendly. They are full of emotionalism; they are too touchy-feely, and huggy-kissy, and they make men feel like, well, like women.

Scott

Posted: March 09, 2008 3:39 PM

It's not so much about "young men taking responsibility." It's about faithfully articulating the gospel towards un-churched young men who, as sinners, live lives in rebellion to God in a number of different ways. Compared with the sanctified life created by God in the gospel, a young man's life looks comparatively self-centered, self-gratifying, and inwardly-turned, or in a word, sinful. Be he a stock broker in NYC, a construction worker in AZ, a software developer in NC, such men don't know God, or perhaps better yet, aren't known by God in a way that re-orients the affections of their hearts away from pleasure-seeking or pain-avoidance towards the Triune God who gives them freedom from sin and death and the extraordinary mission of serving the Lord Jesus Christ and his everlasting Kingdom. Historically such ones were reached when returning to the church as married men. Not so much any more. But the article doesn't provide any answers suitable for serious engagement.

Single available male

Posted: March 09, 2008 3:20 PM


What real man wants to go to church where the preacher is a woman, the elders are women, the deacons are women, and the men are sissies?

Tim	Posted: March 09, 2008 11:29 AM

Interesting comment about the movie "Old School". I think if you want to know what the author is talking about, you need only see that movie. I'll just say that very often church services and "programming" are geared toward women and families. Young men who aren't heads of families (and probably those who are) need a vision and challenge to inspire them to be more than man-children. The Bible has plenty to offer, and it has little to do with inspiring them (us I should say) to grow up, take responsibility, get married, and start acting like men. That sounds more like a nagging mother. I'm not sure what the author is getting at with his cryptic comments about gender roles and theological debate. The church ceased being a major force in the culture at long long ago, so in that sense haven't we already forfeited the culture and hasn't the culture already passed us by? I'll just say that if the church goes egalitarian, we'll lose every young man who owns an "Old School" DVD.

TJ	Posted: March 08, 2008 9:54 PM

Two things: There is a lot of talk about young men taking "responsibility" and about "biblical" teaching on manhood. Statistics show that the later one marries, the less likely the marriage is to end in divorce, something I thought we were trying to avoid? Rather than chiding young men for shirking their "responsibility", we should be inciting them to escape the "wrath" which comes from rootless, purposeless existence. Biblical manhood in the OT begins at 13, which is traditionally related as the Bar Mitzvah. And yet no one is talking about letting freshman vote, let alone take some kind of leadership positions in the church (Perhaps we should be?). In the NT, most of the disciples were probably young men, who were able to leave everything and follow Jesus precisely of their youth. Young single men are hungry (myself included) for purpose and community. Why not accept that cultural definitions of manhood are changing, and offer new challenges as well as new possibilities?

Ken	Posted: March 08, 2008 7:30 PM

The child-man is largely a reaction. It is impossible to change "the rules" and environment around men and still expect all men to stay "old-school". Feminism changed things for men, too. The sexual revolution also changed things. Men can now get sexual gratification from many different women with little effort and without having a relationship. Why? Because there are women who shamelessly do these things, and most men are not committed to churches that shame such activity. More men these days have been raised in a home without a father who is happily married to their mother. Men have also lost most "male-only" institutions. Masculinity has been mocked in the media, and attacked in academia. And thus, they do not have a model of a happy, lasting marriage and are not socialized to be marriage and family-minded AND masculine in the traditional sense. We've turned fatherhood and marriage into more of a liability than a benefit for men, and wonder why some men CHOOSE to avoid them.

Dad	Posted: March 08, 2008 6:31 PM


I was going to post a long comment about how young men need to take responsibility. But my wife went out shopping and I have to watch the kids so I can't write anything too long.

phil	Posted: March 07, 2008 8:23 PM

Its a great topic of discussion, but this author's perspective is so narrow. It assumes the ONLY reason males prefer to stay in the child stage is strictly selfish. Males at this age are also fairly intelligent about relationships. The issue of unhealthy female expectations and stereotypes about the male role have been picked up and in response they defer and delay. The male clock doesn't tick so quickly as the female, so there is no negative attachment to delaying their commitments. Perhaps the church needs to examine what males of this age need spiritually before they assume that marriage is the only way to get them back.

Robert

Posted: March 07, 2008 6:16 PM

I'm glad Collin is among those who want to address young men not plugging into church and living sloppy, casual lives with sloppy, casual relationships. I fit the demographic and I'm moderately involved at church. Besides the "Odessey Years" phenomenon or whatever you term it, there's another thing which holds young men back from interacting with a church home: too many congregations send the message "holiness = sweetness." That may be unintentional, but the last thing I want to be as a young Christian is "sweet." I'm afraid of ending up as just another Precious Moments figurine!

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