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Christianity Today, March (Web-only), 2008 |

Speaking Out

Better Together?

Only in holy matrimony, not in cohabitation.

Mike McManus | posted 3/13/2008 09:33AM

Decades of high divorce rates have given rise to a generation of young adults who fear marriage. In response, the statistics show that many now live together to test their compatibility. Since 1960, America ...

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MM	Posted: March 18, 2008 2:34 PM


Obviously the so called Christians who choose to cohabitate, do not know the Word of God at all. They are part of the world system who have infiltrated the church. In the name of political correctness, we must not try to offend anyone regardless of where their eternal soul may go. Is that spiritually sound?

sweet babyblue

Posted: March 18, 2008 10:29 AM


not all people want to marry

Belinda

Posted: March 16, 2008 5:38 PM

serious words, I am a woman who had lived common law with my husband prior to getting married and found it spiritually devastating, even now as I read the article I became reflective on that time of my life where I did not have a peaceful moment always thinking what if my savior returns and sees me living in this way.(He saw every move I made) Gods grace and mercy are most wonderful and with the confession of my sin He is faithful and just to forgive me of my sin and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. I know that God wants us to speak about these things in love to not only our brothers and sisters in Christ but to all those entering into Holy Matrimony, just dating or seeking a roommate These are very practical lessons in life. I was such an immature Christian at the time with many issues I was not spiritually strong by any means and was very suspect of anyone's advice especially anyone who was not able to relate to my situation. What a sensible topic

Isukapati vidyanadh

Posted: March 16, 2008 8:14 AM

If you are not giving correct answers then I am giving report on you to bible authority or Christian authority Beloved Brother, I Have sent several messages to you, Which don’t the knowledge of God I am trying to explain, As soon as I come over there I will you about God and mysteries of bible. I am abundant knowledge about our God .I want to reveal the truths and closed secrets of God to you .Why you are showing DEAREYER? I am interested to come and reveal the closed secrets of Bible, which you do not know .I am ready to come and meet your organization to discus about the Bible with my own expenses. Please invite me to meet you, if you have any interest of God. Before this I have sent my information many times and so far we have not received any invitations from you I am ready to come at any moment our Gods ministry my great desire is to ATTEND your CONFERENCES and meetings. If you provide me the journey [Please send me an invitation letter]. Surely I will attend to your Gospel s

LOUIS SANDBERG

Posted: March 15, 2008 10:31 AM

THERE ARE SEVERAL PRE-MARITAL INVENTORIES ON THE MARKET NOW. MY FAVORITE IS FOCCUS. FOCCUS STANDS FOR FACILITATING OPEN COMMUNICATION BETWEEN COUPLES FOR UNDERSTANDING AND STUDY. THEORETICALLY, THE INVENTORIES ARE SELF LIQUIDATING. WHEN CHILDREN ARE BORN INTO SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGES, THE VALUES AND TECHNIQUES ARE PERPETUATED. THE INVENTORIES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED. THAT LEADS US TO CONCLUDE THAT THE VALUES AND TECHNIQUES FOR SUCCESSFUL LIVING HAVE FALLEN INTO DISUSE. THEN WE TEND TO LOOK FOR SOME SIMPLE ANSWER. THERE IS ONE, TOO. IT'S IN A DRUG. IT'S A SULFA DRUG. IT'S CALLED SULFA-DENIAL. IT WORKS WONDERS. THE PROBLEM THEN IS TO USE THE DRUG PROPERLY AND IN THE RIGHT SURROUNDINGS. THINKING ABOUT OTHERS IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. TAKING OTHERS' THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS AND WELL BEING INTO ACCOUNT IN OUR BEHAVIOR SOLVES THE PROBLEMS WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. MANY OF US ARE IN THIS BOAT. WE'RE NOT SELF SATISFIED. WE'RE SIMPLY TRYING TO DO OUR BEST TO BE GOOD HUMAN BEINGS.

Ephrem Hagos

Posted: March 15, 2008 7:57 AM


Marriages are the litmus test between supernaturally or naturally born-again spouses. For those of us who have a healthy level of teachability, Adam and Eve literally represented the first kind which proved indivisible in the face of the hardest of times (Gen. 1:27; 2:7, 18, 21-25; 3).

russd

Posted: March 14, 2008 5:45 PM

I agree with the sentiment that there's a little too much self promotion in this article. It's great that the author's ministry gives couples pause to think and reconsider marriage if they honestly find it is not approprate, but that 97% percent success rating? What were the metrics used to arrive at that number? How long did a couple have to stay married for the author to consider it a "success"? Also, Joe Chip makes a great point about causality with respect to the other stats mentioned in this piece. I think the author would have done a lot better to focus on what Churches can do to better prepare and encourage couples to marry as opposed to "shacking up", "playing house", or whatever you want to call it. Joe Chip also accidentally gives some insight into the mindset of today's young adults with his mention that "breaking up is painful, but she won't take half your stuff". A man who is truly ready for marriage - to love like Christ, loves without fear or strings attached.

Joe Chip

Posted: March 14, 2008 2:32 PM

Decent article, I could've done with a little less horn-blowing by the author. In addition, he makes the classic blunder of getting involved in a land war in -- no wait, I mean, he confused correlation with causation. The fact that: "infidelity for cohabiting men is four times that of married men; for cohabiting women, infidelity is eight times more likely." may well be true, but it doesn't follow that cohabitation *caused* the infidelity -- it only means that people who are the cohabitating type may also be the cheatin' type. Of course, those who live alone or together in marriage but also cheat on the side aren't counted in the statistic. Speaking as a American youth of 25, a lot of boys my age are quite afraid of commitment and divorce. Breaking up after cohabitation (sounds so clinical!) is certainly painful, but at least she won't take half your stuff. Bottom line? Marriage in the US is in trouble, but it ain't because of those dastardly gays, after all.

Billy Reed

Posted: March 13, 2008 9:11 PM

Great Article! I saw a survey a couple of years ago that said most High School Students thought that living together before marriage actually made for a better marraige! So I went on line and looked up the massive amount of information on higher divorce rates, higher abuse rates, and lower marital satisfaction rates. I put this in a one page easy to read paper and handed it out to my high school Sunday school class one Sunday morning. They read in silence (a rare thing) for several minutes. Afterward I asked them if they had heard any of this before. NONE had. Most of my students come from intact, never divorced, church going, two parent families. Yet they were totally unaware of the negative aspects of living together before marraige. We need to get this information to the younger generation before they mess up their lives. If you are a youth leader or teacher of any kind you need to make sure your youth know this information.

KK	Posted: March 13, 2008 9:07 PM

Great article. Unfortunately, more and more Christians are 'co-habiting' and seeing nothing wrong with their lifestyles. I sometimes wonder what the difference is between non-Christians and Christians. The Christians I see in the US proudly say their Christians but live their lives no differently from the rest of the world. People say they are saved and go right back to their old ways. I see very few examples of people trying to live exemplary Christian lives and it is very disheartening. We seem to have no fear of God or punishment. It is rare to find a Muslim or Hindu couple co-habiting in the US but Christians do so without a care. Sometimes I feel embarrased to be called a Christian because of the bad examples we as Christians set. Perhaps some of the missionaries who are clamoring to save the 'lost' in developing countries should stay in the US and teach Christians to grow and mature. We seriously hurt our credibility with outsiders when our own flock is behaving so badly.

Terry L. Brown

Posted: March 13, 2008 3:21 PM

It used to be called "living in sin", but that sounds harsh and judgmental. The solution is to mute the reality of our actions by giving sin another name. "Living in sin" is co-habitation, an unborn baby is a fetus, a woman's right to kill her baby is called a choice, homosexuality is called being gay, and pornography is beginning to be called erotica. It reminds me of something that is priced at $39.99 (or any ".99") instead of $40.00 because it is more appealing to the senses. Language plays a powerful role in the way we think and act. As Christians we should speak the truth in love, but love isn't expressed when we minimize the seriousness of sin by adopting the language of the world. I appreciate the article and I would like to see the documention for the statistics sited. Blessings in Christ

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