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Christianity Today, June, 2008 |

Rise of the Rebel Virgins

Why we refrain even when premarital sex is safe and "natural."

A Christianity Today editorial | posted 6/04/2008 09:40AM

That the "hookup"—a random sexual encounter often fueled by drunkenness—is the dominant way of relating to the opposite sex on many college campuses is no longer news. Neither is the announcement ...

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Suzanne

Posted: June 12, 2008 9:24 PM


Marriage binds a husband and wife together exclusively but not eternally. Eternal marriage is Mormon not Christian.

Larn	Posted: June 12, 2008 2:33 PM

I don't know why beth feels as though this is a church issue. Hebrews 13:4 says "Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but fornicatiors and adulterers God will judge". This is not man's saying or the church's saying, this is God's saying. His Word says that if you are not married and have sex, then the bed is defiled. This is not putting control on the sex lives of believers, but a reminder that when you become a Christian, then you are a new creature in Christ and you not only read the Word but you LIVE the Word. You are no longer your own. You can either honor God with your body or not. Happiness comes from a relationship with Jesus not just from other people. People change like the weather and it's your adaptability and most improtantly having Jesus in the center of your lives that ensures whether your marriage will last. We Christians must stop compromising God's Word to fit our life styles. God means what He says and He says what He means.

Peter F. Benson, editor UNITYINCHRIST.COM

Posted: June 11, 2008 4:07 PM


"An echo of the bond between the persons of the Trinity" is so very true. The intertwining human spirits of a man and a woman is a direct reflection of the Triune God. Some have come to recognize that the Holy Spirit binds Jesus and the Father as one, making the Triune God one God. It's a concept we may not understand until we see God face to face.

Leroy

Posted: June 11, 2008 10:37 AM

Dear Lisa-You are a proof text-er and a bad one at that. 1 Thes 4:1-8 make reference to "sexual immorality" which you have taken for granted means sex before marriage, but simply does not. David's sin was not sex before marriage, but sex with someone other than his wife, who happened to be the wife of another man, whom David had killed. Please take the time to do your home work before pontificating. It is this sort of flawed reasoning and use of the biblical text to support a conclusion you reached on your own that is the problem. I NEVER said I was for or against sex before marriage. What I said was that the biblical text does not teach that sex before marriage is wrong. End of story! Clearly, had God wanted to make it clear that sex before marriage was wrong, he could have and certainly would have done so. This does not mean that you should have sex before marriage. I agree that there are many reasons one might want to wait to have sex, but that God wants you to is not one of them.

Anonymous

Posted: June 11, 2008 3:26 AM


http://rapidshare.com/files/121414159/The_Interview_With_God.swf

beth	Posted: June 10, 2008 12:35 PM

Marriage is a socio-economic institution with legal and financial consequences; it has nothing to do with the actual sacred relationship between two people. Christianity should focus on communicating a Christian ethic of sex which is about the relational -love,respect- and not so focused on forcing everyone to have a government-issued legally binding contract before they express their feelings for one another. Waiting for marriage no more ensures future happiness than not waiting ensures future unhappiness. Sexual knowledge and self-awareness, maturity in relating with a partner sexually and otherwise, good decision making -- all contribute directly to an individuals long term health and happiness. If the church focused on this more than simply keeping all the unmarrieds in a virginal state, more unmarrieds might feel as though the church cared about their actual well-being. As it is, the Evangelical approach still looks like a puritanical need for control over others sex lives.

Jabi	Posted: June 10, 2008 3:12 AM


I'm really glad to hear that there are still Virgins in the most liberated country in the world.

Lam arche, o;-)Michael

Posted: June 09, 2008 6:19 PM

Regarding "Rise of the Rebel Virgins", and "Life in the Future World." To any and all, I would like to bring your attention to the Bible Verse: "M"ark 12:18-27 Particularly Jesus' response verses 24-27. Jesus Says "You are completely WRONG!" "In the future, (which from Jesus' perspective back then,is INDEED RIGHT NOW) when God raises people to Life they will not marry..." So if you call yourself a Christian, a follower, of the WORD of GOD IE of Jesus; You REALLY need to humbly correct yourself PUBLICALLY before JESUS does it for you and makes you look ignorant. HOLY HELL or Marriage shall reign/rain over ONLY those who TRUELY OPPOSE (NOT on THOSE IGNORANT of) THE MERCIFUL LORD JESUS CHRIST! Not that I condone ALL of the meaningless empty sex. I am limited in my response so I don't mind exposing ignorance in all FAIRNESS. Michael: Hebrew for The Likeness of GOD as SON is to his FATHER o;-)

Pacific NW

Posted: June 09, 2008 5:09 PM


I answered "Yes, and I'm married now" although the answer I really wanted to give wasn't offered. Or maybe I misunderstood the answers. I had sex before ceremonial marriage but only with the person I was committed to marry. Kind of like Isaac and Rebeka, although I'm not certain they every got around to a "proper" ceremony, although my wife and I did.

I'm a Grandma now!

Posted: June 08, 2008 6:26 AM

What a wonderful new trend: virginity! I agree with the author that abstinence for only personal, health/emotional reasons still opens the door to premarital sex. There must be a higher reasoning to wait for marriage. Thoughtfully written article. My husband and I were not committed Christians when we had sex outside of marriage, but he is the only one I have ever given myself to. By God's grace, protection and forgiveness, our marriage has blossomed for over 35 years. Our "premarital sex" resulted in the "gift" of our first child who has been a wonderful blessing in our lives. Choosing life together was an easy decision for my husband and I. We were willing to accept the consequences of an unplanned pregnancy, eventhough, ideally waiting until marriage would have been better. I am just greatful for the chance to grow in the Lord and His ways and to have raised our children with His direction. Now we have little "grands" to pray for and guide. God is so GOOD!

Ignatius

Posted: June 07, 2008 10:44 AM

There can be no guarantee that if one maintains their virginity that God will automatically reward you with a spouse in due time. Sometimes keeping God's commands has its benefits simply because we keep them and they are intended to our spiritual and physical well being. For example if I don't steal can I expect that God will send $10.000 in the mail or if I don't kill will God add 20 years to my life? If I keep the sabbath will God then give me a 2 weeks paid vacation? And so on..... Keeping your virginity until marriage is not enough. There are millions across the globe who do that as well. Sadly I have met many women in evangelical church singles groups throughout the years who although they were most likely virgins I wouldn't even think of asking them out on a date let alone finding myself alone in a dark church alley with them. (And yes there are plenty of manic men out there as well) Character counts folks!

st	Posted: June 07, 2008 7:14 AM


To Anon23...you go girl!! COntinue to wait and God will reward you. remember, the Mary was chosen to carry our Lord because she was a virgin...so who knows what God has instore for you?

Malcolm

Posted: June 07, 2008 7:03 AM


Marriage is not eternal, at least not according to the Bible. It is until death parts us (according to the rites of the Church). Jesus himself says that in Heaven, people are neither married nor given in marriage. Paul says that death releases us from the marriage covenant, freeing us to marry another person.

Camille

Posted: June 07, 2008 2:27 AM

I was amazed by some comments that accused the Church of being obsessed with sex. In my observation and experience, we don't talk about it enough. When we do, it's so vague or so out-of-touch and unreal, it's embarrassing. Very seldom do we get it right in the pulpit when it comes to sex. The whole treatment of it gives the impression that it's not a gift but something very dirty indeed. I have read Winner's Real Sex and found it biblically-sound, celebratory, thoughtful and intelligent. She means to say that sex, with all its mysteries and transformative power, really only makes sense in the context of marriage. It strengthens and blesses the bond. Sex outside of its context can destroy, separate and alienate. It's most powerful and meaningful when it occurs within marriage.

forgive us all

Posted: June 06, 2008 10:01 AM

I put "other" - I did not feel it was not under my control - but peer pressure and not having a strong commitment to Christ were the major reasons - as well as the time period in which I was living. Only six of 54 years would be so defined. I think as a professional who has worked with many young adults for over 30 years that the culture of today has many more opportunities and pressures in this area - and the flooding of media is no help. I am grateful and admire all who have found His strength - or courage in the face of all this personal and outside pressure to remain as Christ did - celebate. To truly love one another as Christ loved the church is the hardest most needed commandment. The church's youth can no more live up to perfection than the church's adults, who certainly have not. All have sinned - and sin is sin. We must offer to the next generation the understanding of the pressures when they struggle with sin, the courage to stand, and the emotional support throughout.

Lisa	Posted: June 05, 2008 7:33 PM

In commenting on Leroy's note: you think sex before marriage is okay - what about 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8 and if it was okay, why are there always some sort of consequences that are negative after the fact.....? this is just typical of our selfish "me, myself, and I" and "my desires and wants" attitude which seems to always find ways to compromise and do things our own way. Why bother with any commandments at all then? As a biblical example: David & Bathsheba - they weren't married yet indulged in sexual sin, and look what it led too - and David in Psalm 51 confesses his sin - that's pretty clear to me..... Why make it complicated when it isn't - it really is general knowledge...

Anonymous

Posted: June 05, 2008 4:39 PM


the people who agreee to have sex before marriage see that is aright to treat each others before having along termrelashiopnship , but I think it is completly wrong cos In ethnic crestianity we live to our god so sometimes we may redeem ourselfs to him so the most important thing is the spritual relashionship

Anonymous23

Posted: June 05, 2008 1:08 PM

I'm 37 years old and I decided a long time ago to wait until marriage. Well, I'm still waiting. While I feel that I made the right decision to remain a virgin for a lot of the reasons given, I wonder how long before the wait is over. I pray and ask God for direction. At times, the lack of an answer can be very depressing. I wish the "Rebel Virgins" the best of luck in honoring their decision. I hope that their wait isn't as long as mine has been.

Leroy

Posted: June 05, 2008 1:03 PM

If what Winner wrote "the faux sex that goes on outside marriage is not really sex at all" was rue, she would be undercutting her own argument, since this reasoning would make sex outside of marriage impossible. It's this sort of reasoning that makes the church sound like dolts. This discussion should have been focused on how God image bearing beings should interact with one another, including sexually. It's dishonest to state the picture of sexuality throughout Scripture has consistently taught that sex belongs smack dab in the middle of marriage without bothering to support such broad sweeping assertion with the biblical text. This is because the biblical text is oddly silent about a topic the church is wildly obcessed. You can make a biblical argument that once married you should not have sex with others, but not that you should not have sex before marriage. Had God wanted to make it perfectly clear that we should not have sex before marriage, he certainly would have done so.

John	Posted: June 05, 2008 10:45 AM

I'm a teen, and sex is everywhere around me. I think this group is great. In a sex-fueled culture, we need to realize the dangers of premarital sex. Great article....now if only the rest of the world would realize what a danger premarital sex is. It's like Jon Foreman sings in "Easier Than Love" "Sex, is easier than love, It's easier than love, It's easier to fake and smile and brag." We have to find love before sex can come...ya know?

Kelli

Posted: June 05, 2008 9:09 AM

I unfortunately dismissed the teachings I had learned and had sex before marriage. I think that part of the problem is that I had no idea how to control myself. I know that's crazy but when I later learned about my personality it explained so many things, how I live in the moment, not the past or the future. Once I realized this I could make changes before I didn't understand why I would not stop, I would even pray that God would remind me... These aren't excuses, it was a sin and I did it but hindsight does help on knowing how to raise our children. Alison, I thought about what you wrote for a while and it took me some time to understand what you were saying. I think part of the dilemma is that we never know someone's true heart. I understand what you're saying so I'm going to pray that you meet a strong, courageous, good hearted Christian man who you can trust and who would never ask you. :)

jp	Posted: June 05, 2008 6:34 AM


to Anonymous2: It does apply to you, as well. Nobody is supposed to be left out of His mercy, neither me, nor you. Take a look at this book: http://ha-fs.org/book/more/Payne3.html

Johnny A. Ramirez

Posted: June 05, 2008 4:23 AM

"In the end, we can trust that abstinence really does "work," because STDs, rape, broken marriages, and souls in pain have no place in a world where everyone plays by God's rules." What?? The article was great till that closing line. If you're going to link abstinence with rape and the rest you're going to have to draw it out. Instead of rounding out a nice article on students who decide to not have sex you leave us with a rhetorical bomb. There is no basis in the article whatsoever for arguing that abstinence really does work because people are raped. Or is the article suggesting Christians only live with people who follow "Gods rules"? Does such a perfect people even exist? It's an aggravating ending really...

Tim	Posted: June 05, 2008 4:13 AM

Why have we made sex such a huge issue? I don't see where Jesus went and harped on the youth group ad nauseam regarding sex. Instead, I see him directing us over and over again to give to the poor, take care of the widows and downtrodden among us, and serve others. As long as the church is focused on waging a culture war with secular society, it is guilty of neglecting its primary purpose on earth: serving the poor, the hungry, the sick, the hurting, those in prison -- also known as, our "neighbors". I believe if we would focus on addressing the hurts and wounds people carry, and help them come to Jesus for healing and wholeness, their moral compass and behavior would naturally improve as they grow in relationship with Jesus. Instead, we try to persuade them it is wrong because God said so and think that some sense of guilt or shame will kick in to make them behave if we just keep repeating ourselves. Maybe it's time we stop heaping coals on their heads and start washing their feet?

Anonymous

Posted: June 05, 2008 2:09 AM

I am sad to say that I did not wait for marriage to have sex. I justified it at the time because we were engaged. Fortunately, we did marry and have a wonderful relationship 11 years later, but not without suffering serious consequences for our actions. Getting married did not fix the root of the problem, it was only through true repentence that our marriage was completely healed. By today's standards our mistake would seem minor, having both only been with each other, but nothing could be further from the truth. I can't imagine what people with multiple partners must experience and the baggage they must bring into marriage. My sympathy and prayers to you!

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