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Christianity Today, July (Web-Only), 2008 |

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Parents and Prodigals

As my daughter leaves for college, packing up her belongings, she is still a stranger to me.

Virginia Stem Owens | posted 7/29/2008 08:35AM

This article was originally published in the June 23, 1978 issue of Christianity Today.

This is the year my first child will leave home: Over the past 18 years I have often had cause to lament the fact ...

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Pete Dymond

Posted: August 06, 2008 12:31 PM

As a step father of 2 wonderful kids, and father of 3 of my 'own', I felt that this article is very negative with a resigned to failure prevailing attitude. The only thing worse than poor parenting skills is the knowledge of that and the apparent unwillingness to be better. I personally battled massive inadequacy when I married my wife and her two kids. I was raised by an absent / abusive step-father and felt wholly incapable of being a role model. However, we as Christians have several advantages: We are filled with the Holy Spirit who counsels us, we have the written Word of God to teach us, we have brothers & sisters in Christ to impart wisdom and we have the promises of God to stand on, even when we see our failures or see our kids stray. As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. I'll finish with this thought, God's Word is powerful, it will accomplish it's purpose, the story of the prodigal is one of hope and promise. They may stray, but God never lets them go.

HILDA

Posted: August 05, 2008 12:40 PM

I read the first few lines and the author laments that Jesus was never a parent..Not in the physical sense but in the spiritual sense He was...We are HIS children...I lost my mother when I was 2 yrs. old..I'm 56 almost 57..Dealing with 3 brain tumors of the lining of the brain called Meningiomas.. I know that Jesus is the son of God...We are all called son's of God...We are God's children...I have 4 grown sons..I've taught them to read His Word..The only way to know our purpose is reading the Bible..Not letting others beliefs enter into the picture..Where 2 or 3 are gathered together in His name there HE IS in the midst..I believe we all have a purpose and that purpose is to have Faith that God sent His SON Jesus to this earth to give us all a chance for eternal life...Whatever Jesus did when He was on this planet was important and it seems many think that it wasn't...He was Baptized and was crucified...To this day many use Him to capitalize off His death and resurrection.

KKB	Posted: August 02, 2008 6:02 AM

How does this article make your daughter feel? Does she still think you both are strangers? I agree with CCT, while expressing realistic feelings, the author is taking a negative view from every angle of being a parent. I nearly closed this article mid-way, but decided to stick it out to see what the author's closing thoughts were. I marvel at the miracle of my children every day, at how God made them each of the unique and differently, yet all from the same parents. Their presence in our lives shapes who we are and every opportunity we have to love them, teach them, discipline them and guide them in the ways of the Lord is one of the highest callings. The glass is not half empty, but it is half full.

andrew tucker

Posted: July 31, 2008 7:05 PM

A person makes a decision in their lives to be loving or not. At what age?A lot do not know this theory. I thought a majority of adults would be caring if not christian. This not totally true. I wanted to tell you that I sent over 25 christian letters to christians and advertisement drafts to PROFESSIONAL newspapers co. I received only one reply. I suspected that the CIA or FBI had been stopping my christian ministry mail. The strange idea is that, why would I not just drive out the state of indiana and pass out christian literature. Why would the FBI or CIA not give up stopping my mail? WHy. They are 100% suspected to have national plan to kill christians and heroic persons. It hurts because alot have not given attention to the ugliness. A lot of my friends in the past have been abused or killed. Satanist FBI and CIA centurion mob are foul jeolous rapist murderous scum. Pslams 99:9- hill pray! Gal 3:2! 1 corinth14:26!

Mark Eaton

Posted: July 31, 2008 7:07 AM

I am so disgusted by this kind of dribble. Another shining example of how lost our Baby-boomers really were and how weak they were. Why do we celebrate this weakness? We talk about how why we can't do this and why we won't do that. Rubbish. Last year my only son died of lung cancer. After talking with many of his friends, I learned that he loved the life my wife and I had created with him and that his only regret is that he did not spend more time with us. We intentionally raised him in the way God instructs, did not spare the rod, instructed him about all things (including sex), and always spoke the truth with him. We as parents fail by lying and speaking down to our children. Children are very smart and will see through most issues with amazing clarity. Be honest with your children. Guard their mind and soul as well as their body. Make sure you instruct them more than the world and the church. God gave YOU the responsibility of teaching your child. Make sure you fulfill it.

CCT	Posted: July 31, 2008 3:11 AM

I recently taught a group of college students about rejoycing in being children of God and of their earthly parents though their experience with their parents were not all pleasant. One of them was thrown into the garbage can when he was born and was denied medical attention when he was sick. Last week, I had another opportunity to teach a group of leaders from house churches to rejoyce over their being parents of their children. For it is not their responsibility to be perfect parents but to strive to be the best parents that they know how according to many of the biblical principles presented in the Bible to live as children of God. The best thing in all these is that we are not alone to strive to be good parents, but we are working together with our Lord as a team. The article stressed realistic feelings. However, it seems to me that the author is taking a negative view from every angle of being a parent. The glass is not half empty, but it is half full.

Deb	Posted: July 30, 2008 4:03 PM

Absolutely BREATHTAKING article.....we ALL want to do the "right" thing. I've notice as a parent, and as friends become parents the vulnerability of LOVE. No one is prepared for it. When I feel it I just think about a God who designed a plan of redemption like the one He did. He could have done it so different, but He got into all the messiness and vulnerability of being human. We all think we can control another, we can't even control our own deceitful natures. Thank you for an inspiring article.

Ephrem Hagos

Posted: July 30, 2008 4:32 AM

A VERY REALISTIC ARTICLE! History keeps repeating itself mercilessly for those who fail to take their cue from it. Thanks to Christian over-indulging in the self-reliance of theology or eating of the death- producing fruit from "the tree that gives knowledge of what is good and what is bad" (Gen. 2:9), our marriages and children are the first casualties of our zero-level teachabilities in questions of two areas that really matter. These are the deep secrets that concern the relationships between, on the one hand, Christ and the Church and, on the other hand, husband and wife (Matt. 19: 1-15). The solution lies in the firsthand knowledge of God in Jesus Christ as promised (Jer. 31: 31-34) and revealed once and for all in Jesus' death on the cross (Matt. 26: 26-29). Without the so-revealed and indivisible nature of Christ (the Spirit) in the churches and individually in husbands and wives, our faith is worth nothing at all -not even in this life!

Fred	Posted: July 30, 2008 4:25 AM


Amen to Melissa's comment! I do not know how I could have managed to counteract the destructiveness of my family of origin without focusing my vision on the redemptive picture of fatherhood we see in our heavenly father! Along the way, my journey was strengthened by reading Tim Smail's book, "The Forgotten Father."

Sandy

Posted: July 29, 2008 9:53 PM


I thought you were going to say you were glad to see her go because she was a prodigal. Having one of my own, the article was freeing. We raised him to love God and follow Christ. We were just the stand in parents. He has a heavenly Father that is his true parent. Now it's between the two of them.

chit villegas

Posted: July 29, 2008 9:00 PM


One article I find so insightful on parenting. And written so well I can almost see how this author mother's heart has been so alive in her own parenting. this article really resonates so loudly deep within me.

Melissa

Posted: July 29, 2008 5:26 PM


Was dissapponted to see God, our Father not included in the poll. It is his example that is my main inspiration I want to raise my children as he fathers me with the same love, compassion and wisdom.

Fawn Parish

Posted: July 29, 2008 4:06 PM


Sheesh Virginia! Your words fly into the soul and lodge deep. With our only child going off to college across the continent in 25 days, I found your comments rich with meaning. You possess rare poetry of soul.

Dave	Posted: July 29, 2008 2:17 PM


I have no children of my own but this artical reverberates the shock I felt aroud the time when I was 18 and relaized that all tehse yeras my parenst had no idea what they were doing, they were ad-libing it all along. In a way I'm glad its like that.

Jane	Posted: July 29, 2008 10:26 AM


What I felt while reading this article is only comparable to Philip Yancey´s effect on me. What a wonderful writer! She described my deepest feelings as a mother, which I would never be able to utter. I, too, hope for the day when my 4 sons will be only my brothers in Christ. Only then, the pain and sense of inadequacy as a mother will be healed. Thank you for such a gift.

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