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Christianity Today, April, 2009 |

In the Valley of the Shadow of Suicide

A mother catches glimmers of hope after losing a son.

Christine A. Scheller | posted 4/24/2009 11:02AM

When he was 13 months old, my son Gabriel had his first life-threatening asthma attack. As my mom and I put finishing touches on dresses and party favors for my upcoming wedding, Gabe grew listless, and ...

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Robyn

Posted: May 04, 2009 3:28 PM


My mother's heart grieves with you.

Cathy Rodgers

Posted: May 03, 2009 5:27 PM


One: suicide is not an viable option. IF you can think of one person who will be devastated by your doing it. DON'T Two: Asthmatic is not an automatic death sentence, it a be careful what you do or "blow on" (dust). It is control able!

Christine A. Scheller

Posted: April 30, 2009 8:55 PM

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. My prayers are with each of you. madmc, you are correct: the devestation is worse than people imagine and it is far reaching. I'm so sorry for your experience in church. The ignorance we were exposed to was minimal. Our church communities were incredibly supportive, but then we did set the tone with both my husband's and Dr. Kheriaty's messages at the funeral services. Blessings to you~

http://ketch22.wordpress.com

Posted: April 27, 2009 6:00 PM

I am truly saddened by suicide but rejoice that this sin... like all sin... is forgiveable if you are saved. If I die in the midst of greed, pride, lust, etc... but I am saved, I will experience the results of that. We all continue to sin despite being saved therefore it is impossible to "ask for forgiveness for all sin all the time", therefore I will probably be sinning when I die and not be able to ask for forgiveness. Blasphemy of the Spirit is the only unforgiveable sin listed in the Bible. Also, Christopher Lake, sorry to hear about your mother, but your description of God being in control of your life, and you don't have the "right" to take your own life I agree with. But if He controls everything and there is no free will, then wouldn't taking your own life be His will? If He doesn't want this, He won't allow it... if He does, it will happen? This is why the Calvinist' version of God doesn't hold water. It requires free will to actually have a relationship with Christ.

Liam Hyland, Ireland

Posted: April 27, 2009 4:58 AM

Thank you for printing this very sad ,but honest storey. I suffer from Bi-Polar dsorder, and I can understand the pain in part from the victims family's point of view. but more from the victims part. I attemted suicide twice, the emotional pain, and mental turmoil I experienced was unbearable, I truly believed with all my heart at that time that my family would be better off if I were dead,and so I planned to end my life, and carried it out.... AND THAT WAS WRONG! afterwards in my right mind I began to think about how my family must have felt. I still remember the feeling of absolute hopelessness and despair that caused this tragedy.

Ephrem Hagos

Posted: April 26, 2009 8:58 AM


Of course, Gabriel's death represents communal failure of the secular, institutional "church" devoid of "life in all its fulness" that is in Christ (John 10:10). Christians will not find the living Christ reveal himself, just as he promised, at his death on the cross (John 8: 21-28; 14: 15-21; 19: 30-37) unless they break loose from the fetters of their churches! GOD BLESS YOU!

madmc

Posted: April 25, 2009 5:19 PM

Our 17-year-old son died by suicide in February 2008. While the manuals for the survivors walks you through the emotional steps with accuracy, what they can't truly tell you is the personal devastation parents and siblings suffer. I'm sorry but no sugar-coating: It's worse than you can imagine. The author cited pastoral words that were unhelpful and condemning. I was stunned to see the lack of love and compassion from our pastor, his wife, and the congregation. Rather than understand the lies that Satan tells the emotional wounded, such as your son, they silently ostracized us, condemned our dead son, and drove us to leave the church, but God in His Wisdom gave us, especially my wife, words and signs that He was there.

caroline

Posted: April 25, 2009 8:12 AM


thank you for your deep openness.

Glenn

Posted: April 25, 2009 12:28 AM


When my wife took her own life last year, I was blessed with a church and home family who never judged my beloved wife, never tried to offer empty Hallmark-style prayers or condolences. My pastor and our church lifted us up and helped me muddle my way from grief through numbness and back into joy again. Her depression won that round, but God is winning the match. Thank you for sharing, Christine.

Christopher Lake

Posted: April 24, 2009 11:50 PM

When I was nine years old, my mother committed suicide. In addition to that loss, I have had many other trials in life, including living (since birth) with a physical disability. The ultimate reason that I have not committed suicide is that, as a Christian, I know that God *owns* me, and as such, He has *rights* to me. I don't have the *right* to take my own life. God made me, He owns me, and He made me to glorify Him, not to have whatever kind of life I may sinfully feel that I "deserve." As a sinner, what I deserve is Hell. However, in His great mercy, God saved me, and He is in control of my life (as well as all other things). He is working all things for my good and for His own glory (Romans 8:28). Some people say that this is a "Calvinist" God. However, it is simply the God whom I see described when I read the Bible-- a God who is completely sovereign, absolutely holy, and who can be trusted, even as His perfect ways are also sometimes very mysterious.

nameless

Posted: April 24, 2009 6:16 PM

A year ago April 10, I attempted due too some things going on in thy life. At this time I did not know nor realize that my family was with me the whole time until afterwards. Seeking help is a very hard and emotional thing for one to do. We should never be ashamed no matter who we are to seek help and to find out differences within the troubled. Do not be afraid to ask them questions for it maybe you saving ones life. Since then I am now enrolled in college going for a B.S. in Psychology and have been helping those in need.

kathy hickey

Posted: April 24, 2009 5:54 PM


I echo what Patrick said. May your joy come in the morning. It took me 7 years to get over my granddaughter's death, but I'm finally at peace with God. Some things must wait until heaven to be fully understood, and I can wait.

carly

Posted: April 24, 2009 4:20 PM

I'm really grateful to see this in print, and to see the poll results. In my metro area, suicide kills as many people as AIDS ... but there aren't any big suicide-prevention ministries. That's probably because there's so much shame (inappropriately) attached. Everyone I know who has suicided or attempted has been desperately mentally ill at the time. And part of mental illness is that the brain is working badly, makes bad choices. Until all states have good outpatient commitment laws and mental health courts, families and communities won't be able to support the good choices that will help our friends and relatives protect themselves.

no name this time

Posted: April 24, 2009 3:52 PM

I have "witnessed" suicide through the eyes of the survivors several times. As I looked at the results of the poll on this topic, I realized that I was remembering examples of suicide that I had forgotten--several others in fact. The major thing that turns me away from this solution when I get depressed is that while I might "fix" my problems, I would cause untold and unknown problems for those I would be leaving.

Patrick Gann

Posted: April 24, 2009 3:34 PM


I do not know how you find the strength to share this with others. But, thank you for doing so.

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