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Luke Wilson as Henry Poole

So it would be a mistake to call this a religious movie?

Pellington: I think so. But I do think it's a spiritual film. For me, it's about gratitude. It's about the gift of life. It's about the inexorable results—whether you believe in God or not—of the fact that our life path is not always in our control. Things happen, both good and bad, that you can't control, but what you can do is take the moment and take your breath and appreciate that, because it's very precious.

I believe that life is a gift because I got to the point in my despair where I questioned it. My desire to be with someone that I lost at times was greater than my desire to be here. And when you go to that darkest place and come out—at least for me—your profound appreciation for life and its beauty is changed. I can only feel that way because I went through that experience; others who haven't, can't. But you don't have to go through horrible loss like I went through to appreciate the gift of life.

As for religion … When I went through my loss, I garnered strength from Islam, Buddhist books, everywhere. I searched everywhere for light and perspective and anything to hold onto to help me understand. And I found it everywhere. I found it in the daily-ness of life. I found it in my daughter. I found it in reading. I found it in poetry. And I found it in time marching forward and saying, "Wow, if I can get stronger …" The process of making the film was an incredibly healing process.

I would think that making U23D was part of that process as well?

Pellington: Yeah. I've made about eight music videos since my wife passed, and they've all been very healing. Like The Fray, "How to Save a Life." I'm going to do another one for them, and it's totally finding God and being angry at God and being okay with being angry at God. They're great guys. [Editor's note: The Fray's band members are devout Christians.]

Anyway, the opportunity to do the U2 thing was amazing. To be there and feel the incredible emotional power of their music and just the energy and spirit of 80,000 people—at that moment I said, "Music and art and humanity, that's what life is about." I cherish the gift that Bono and the band gave me, the opportunity to experience that, because it definitely helped pull me out and just continue to move forward.

When you were in your darkest days, did you ever shake your fist at God?

Pellington: Sure. I was raised as an Episcopal. When my daughter was 3½, I wanted to get her baptized. I went to my local church and talked with the reverend. I asked, "What's God's perspective about the death of my wife—or any death, really?" I was expecting an answer like, "Well, it's their time, and God loves all of his children and welcomes them all to eternal life." But that's not what she said. She said, "God is angry at the loss of every life." It was really interesting, because she had humanized God. I remember being taken slightly aback.

But even now, four years later, I still wonder, Why does anything happen? I've seen too many other tragedies and other incredibly beautiful things happen, and I realize that's what it's all about. It's the life and death and collision of both, and both are a natural part of our experience on this planet. That's nothing really about the movie, just my own personal perspective.

Pellington at the 'Henry Poole' premiere

How would you describe your own spiritual journey?

Pellington: I went to an all-boys' private school [St. Paul's] where we had chapel twice a week, went to church every Sunday, and I was in the choir. I'd think that strong foundation would change my life experience, influence my perspective. But there were times when I would question it. When my father got sick with Alzheimer's when I was about 26, I really did some deeper exploration of death and the acceptance of death. I remember reading Elisabeth Kubler-Ross and going, Okay, let me really understand what death is. And it's not until lose someone that you love that you confront these issues. I was always pretty solid in my value system—the foundation of my emotional, moral, and ethical house, if you will.

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