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"I was fully awake by the end of this sleepy mind play. I knew that there would be a price to pay for any position I would take on this issue, regardless of the fact that I had not wanted to be involved. I knew one thing for sure: I would rather face the anger and even hatred of people who feel I have let them down, than to take any chance of having to stand before my Savior and have to answer for messing up his plans for Chad."

Allen, who says he's a Christian and attends Pasadena's gay-friendly All Saints Church, says he doesn't know what those plans might be. "But," he says, "I know God does have great plans for me. And I ask him every single morning to reveal those plans to me."

Green is convinced those plans include hiring Allen for End of the Spear.

"To be honest," Green said, "I would not have hired Chad had I known everything about him. But God had to work around me to get Chad on this project. He wanted Chad on this project. I wish I were able to articulate all the things that led me to understand that. It is very hard to share the ways the Lord leads, especially when you can't fully grasp why he is doing things that don't make sense to the natural man.

"It is hard to see people have to defend a decision that I was responsible for, for people to have ugly things said about them because of a decision I made.But I have total peace about the decision, and that Chad Allen was the man God intended to act in the movie. I will be held accountable for this decision, and I feel I have made the right decision."

Saint added, "Mart has told me that he feels responsible for putting me in a difficult position by hiring Chad. I have known Mart for seven years; he has as pure a heart as any man I know. I don't think this is Mart's doing. God planned the death of his own Son. I believe he planned the death of my dad and his four dear friends. Now, I believe God is at work again. I don't pretend to know what God is going to do with this controversy, but I am confident that he is behind this."

Both parties acknowledge that many have been hurt by the decision to cast Allen in the film.

"It hurts me to watch Mart and Steve and these amazing people have to walk through the pain that they're walking through," said Allen. "I hate to see that, let alone feel like I'm the cause of it."

Saint concluded his e-mail with an apology to those hurt by Allen's appearance in the film. He also referred to Mincaye, the Waodani tribesman who speared his father—and to whom Saint has been reconciled. Today, Mincaye is like a father to Saint.

"I am sorry for any pain that this issue might cause anyone," Saint wrote. "But, I would not change what is happening any more than I would change what happened to my dad. Mincaye, who is sitting beside me as I write this, is proof that 'God works in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform.'"

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