1 of 3

The Perfect Man Our rating: Your rating:   MPAA rating: PG (for some mildly suggestive content) Theater release: June 17, 2005 by Universal Pictures Directed by: Mark Rosman Runtime: 1 hour 36 minutes Cast: Hilary Duff (Holly Hamilton), Heather Locklear (Jean Hamilton), Aria Wallace (Zoe Hamilton), Chris Noth (Uncle Ben), Ben Feldman (Adam) Related: Talk About It/Family Corner

The Perfect Man, a romantic comedy starring Hilary Duff, isn't very good. And the problem for any self-respecting reviewer is how to critique it without taking the obvious cheap shots at its likable but over-exposed young star. Hilary's surname, after all, practically begs the one-liners. "Enough Duff" works. So does "Over-Duffed." Then there are the rhymes: "Duff Not Tough Enough" or "Duff Tough Stuff to Swallow." It's all too easy. But it's not exactly fair, either. Name and over-exposure aside, The Perfect Man's problem is not really its star. The real culprit is a story that manages to be simultaneously utterly implausible and completely predictable (no mean feat when you think about it), a story that relies on cringe-worthy dialogue sure to elicit at least the occasional groan from anyone over the age of, say, eleven. The script has only itself—and writers Michael McQuown and Heather Robinson—to blame. No amount of Duffing could save this turkey. (Sorry, couldn't help myself.)

Hilary Duff, Aria Wallace, and Heather Locklear as the Hamilton Family

Duff plays Holly Hamilton, the sixteen-year-old daughter of single mom Jean (Heather Locklear). Jean is rather anxious (read: desperate) to find a good man (read: any man) and settle down; not surprisingly her pathological neediness does not yield much relational fruit, leaving her to travel from one broken relationship to another. And "travel" is the operative word. Each time her love life hits the skids, Jean hits the road, dragging Holly and her kid sister Zoe (an adorable Aria Wallace) to a new "adventure" in an unfamiliar city. In the opening scenes, we learn that the winsome Holly has never had the chance to stay in one city long enough to attend even a single high school dance. And no sooner is she daring to dream a little and pull her never-worn red party dress out of mothballs than her mom is breaking up with the Wichita Edition of the Dead-Beat Boyfriend and cranking up the Patsy Cline. It's Moving Day again—and this time the new adventure is Brooklyn (played by the lovely Canadian city of Toronto).

Holly's crush is the sensitive, artistic (and cute!) Adam (Ben Feldman)

Brooklyn turns out to be not-so-bad—miraculously, Jean's baker's salary is enough to swing a spacious New York apartment. (Did I mention that Jean is a baker? One whom, we learn later, mourns the loss of her secret, youthful dream to change the world with her cakes?) Jean is surrounded by a gaggle of well-meaning, tongue-wagging co-workers (one of whom congratulates the blossoming Holly on her "speed bumps"). Meanwhile, Holly finds a couple of soulmates at school: Adam (Ben Feldman) is a sensitive and artistic (and cute!) young man deeply into both comic books and Holly, while Amy (Vanessa Lengies) is a no-nonsense New Yawk high school confidante.

Holly could settle quite happily into her new life if her mom's obsession with finding a mate would only go into remission. But it's not long (roughly five minutes) before Jean is interrupting Holly's laptop blog time and insisting that she scan a new photo and post her mother's profile on Match.Com. (I know, I know, the idea that any woman who looks like Heather Locklear would have such difficulty finding at least some initial prospects is ridiculous, but a stretch like that is the least of this movie's worries.) Jean's desperation equals Holly's humiliation (particularly at PTA meetings) and, when a new, typically inappropriate suitor emerges, Holly realizes she's had about all she can take.

'O Perfect Man, Perfect Man, where art thou, Perfect Man?'

Lenny Horton (Mike O'Malley of TV's Yes, Dear), the bread manager at the bakery, falls hard for Jean, so hard he asks if he can pick her up in his muscle car (she'll just have to remove her shoes to protect the new floor mats) and whisk her away to a Styx tribute band concert. The night of the date Lenny complements Jean on her outfit (suggesting it was purchased from "who's-a-hottie.com"), dances the Robotic, lifts his lighter high and weeps openly to the strains of "Babe." Lenny's character is one of the few truly funny aspects of The Perfect Man—O'Malley takes him right over the top and rises above the soapy pseudo-pathos that plagues most of the film.

next page... |  1 of 3 | last page