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Stealth Our rating: Rate this movie   MPAA rating: PG-13 (for intense action, some violence, brief strong language, and innuendo) Genre: Action, Adventure Theater release: July 29, 2005 by Columbia Pictures Directed by: Rob Cohen Runtime: 2 hours 1 minutes Cast: Josh Lucas (Lt. Ben Gannon), Jessica Biel (Lt. Kara Wade), Jamie Foxx (Lt. Henry Purcell), Sam Shepard (Capt. George Cummings), Joe Morton (Capt. Dick Marshfield), Richard Roxburgh (Keith Orbit), Wentworth Miller (voice of EDI) Related: Talk About It/Family Corner

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With Stealth, director Rob Cohen teeters dangerously close to becoming the next Michael Bay, a filmmaker widely known for films like Bad Boys II and Armageddon that disregard comprehensible storylines and action in favor of widespread explosions and mayhem. Cohen says Stealth is his attempt to create "an intense experience in the air," like the drag racing in his The Fast and The Furious or the snowboarding-ahead-of-an-avalanche sequence in XXX.

Cohen's previous two films sparked revulsion and enthusiasm among audiences, who primarily latched on to them because of Vin Diesel's rising star power. He's not here to save the day this time. Instead we have up-and-coming hunk Josh Lucas (Sweet Home Alabama), Seventh Heaven babe Jessica Biel (Blade: Trinity), and Oscar-winner Jamie Foxx (Ray, Collateral) as the heroic fighter pilots central to the film. Alas, their combined star power isn't enough to save this poor and laughable attempt at a summer blockbuster.

Jamie Foxx, Jessica Biel, and Josh Lucas have the, er, wrong stuff in this clunker

The greatest flaw with Stealth—and there are many—is that it doesn't stay true to its premise. You might surmise from the trailers that this film is Top Gun meets The Ballad of John Henry as told by sci-fi author Michael Crichton. Lieutenants Gannon (Lucas), Wade (Biel), and Purcell (Foxx) are an elite team of ace fighter pilots chosen to test fly a new series of stealth fighter jets called Talons. This being the "near future," we're talking about aircraft capable of entering enemy space undetected, executing precision attacks, and then high-tailing back to base before you can say, "I have no knowledge of that mission."

The film goes great lengths to show the talent and camaraderie of this team, so naturally they're reluctant when commanding officer Captain Cummings (Sam Shepard, The Right Stuff) adds a fourth "member" to their ranks. This is no ordinary wingman, but rather a prototype artificial intelligence powered UCAV (unarmed combat aerial vehicle), nicknamed Extreme Deep Invader (or EDI, pronounced "Eddie") and given the call sign Tin Man. The idea of course is to further dehumanize war by removing the pilot from the equation, allowing computer controlled stealth operations. However, this idea isn't explored nearly enough in this movie, which apparently put more effort into naming the computerized jet.

The pilots are assigned to a carrier in the Indian Ocean to integrate the newest member of the team and teach it combat maneuvers. And of course, an important crisis conveniently arises, requiring all four pilots to take out a terrorist group in Thailand. The mission is a (far-fetched) success, but upon returning to the USS Lincoln, EDI is struck by lightning in a thunderstorm. Now this is either ridiculously improbable, or else you'd think the U.S. government would have ensured that their prototype could handle such conditions. But that's too much logical thinking for a movie like this …

Lt. Wade (Biel) preps for one of their missions

Despite technical diagnoses indicating massive alterations to EDI's brain, and reservations from everyone else on the Lincoln, Captain Cummings carelessly allows EDI to participate in the next mission. Sure enough, EDI disobeys a direct order from its wingmen, endangering the lives of innocents while taking out a terrorist stronghold. The plane goes renegade, and it's up to the young pilots to stop EDI from causing a global catastrophe.

If you're like me, you can forgive a film for some of its silly and contrived plot points if it still yields an exciting action thriller. Such is not the case here, apparent as soon as Cummings gives orders to "bring my plane back undamaged," rather than have it blown from the sky immediately. This forces our heroes, masters of piloting and destruction, to instead fly up alongside EDI and reason with it to head home. "Purcell to EDI, disengage your weapons and return to base!" "EDI to Lt. Purcell, leave me alone." It obviously isn't long before the pilots are given permission to shoot down the aircraft. And yes indeed, EDI's voice clearly resembles the soothing tones of the HAL 9000 from 2001: A Space Odyssey.

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