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The Cave Our rating: Your rating: 1 2 3 4 Your Comments: see all MPAA rating: PG-13 (for intense creature violence) Genre: Horror Theater release: August 26, 2005 by Screen Gems Directed by: Bruce Hunt Runtime: 1 hour 37 minutes Cast: Cole Hauser (Jack), Morris Chestnut (Buchanan), Eddie Cibrian (Tyler), Rick Ravanello (Briggs), Marcel Iures (Dr. Nicolai), Kieran Darcy-Smith (Strode), Daniel Dae Kim (Alex), Lena Headley (Kathryn), Piper Perabo (Charlie) Related: Talk About It/Family Corner

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I'll say this much: You have to appreciate truth in advertising when it comes to Hollywood. "Beneath heaven lies hell. Beneath hell lies … The Cave." That can't be a good thing.

And thus the movie studio dug up this long-delayed cinematic fossil for release during the summer movie doldrums of late August—that little window of theatrical limbo for movies that they don't know what to do with. Unfortunately for them, The Cave probably cost too much to release it directly to video.

There's definitely an underworld in The Cave, but it has very little to do with demons and eternal punishment (unless, of course, it's being shown in regular rotation of a Worst Movies Marathon in hell a la The Far Side). The film's official site pains itself to establish the science behind the story. In the late 1980s, while surveying the soil for potential building, scientists discovered Romania's Movila Caves near the Black Sea. Inside they discovered a mini eco-system of sulphuric water supporting 35 new species of invertebrates, theorized as living fossils from the Ice Age. Of course, we're talking critters less than a foot long, but what if they were, like, really big? What if man weren't at the top of the food chain?

Morris Chestnut (right) reminds Cole Hauser to " respect the cave."

Far more tangential science than needed for such a sub-standard monster movie plot, which begins 30 years ago with a group of robbers raiding an ancient monastery in the Carpathian Mountains of Romania. They fall into a sealed, subterranean hollow and hear mysterious chattering in the dark, but to the film's credit, their fate isn't immediately revealed.

Cut to the present day, where we meet Jack (Cole Hauser), his brother Tyler (Eddie Cibrian), and an expert team of cave divers finishing an assignment somewhere in the ocean. They've been contacted by Dr. Nicolai (Marcel Iures) and his assistant Kathryn (Lena Headley), who have discovered a brand new cave in Romania that seems to stretch for miles underneath the surface. Thrilled by the prospect of exploring a "virgin cave," the team immediately packs up their state-of-the-art technology, including some scuba gear that allows for 24 hours of diving—set up to be important to the plot, it never is.

Eddie Cibrian says, "All I need down here to survive is my scuba tank, my grappling hook, and my dashing good looks."

This is the world's top team of divers, yet they foolishly throw all their eggs in one basket. After a successful descent into the first cavern, they all proceed nearly three miles underwater to the next, only to be trapped there after a cave-in blocks their way back. You'd think they'd have a base camp established on the surface, or at least in the first cavern, but no. With only twelve days of supplies and no communication with the surface world, Jack is forced to decide whether to stay put for two weeks and wait for help to come, or to take his team deeper in search of an exit. Well, they're clearly the best … what would you expect?

As advertised, things go from bad to worse when the team starts hearing the strange sounds from the film's beginning. The need to escape the cave becomes more desperate after they mysteriously lose one from their party. It seems there may be another form of life in the dark with them, "clearly a predator," and there are still eight more explorers on the menu.

The Cave is initially promising, approaching the formulaic story with a degree of realism. First-time director Bruce Hunt (who assisted in filming The Matrix trilogy and Dark City) also shows some talent with the visuals, establishing a sense of foreboding early on. Also credit the set designers for doing a fine job of recreating a believable subterranean environment.

Piper Perabo, longing for the days when she was making Coyote Ugly and Cheaper by the Dozen.

But then the formula kicks in, and the movie is dead in the water. A movie like this should stand on its own merits rather than borrow from better films. The Cave is essentially an inferior retread of Pitch Black, which was already a so-so descendent of Aliens. Hauser also starred in Pitch Black, but this time he's the one with creepy eyes leading an ambivalent group through the darkness. Sci-fi geeks familiar with Leviathan will see where this movie is headed from miles away. The creature design shamelessly rips off H. R. Giger's toothy beastie from Alien, and there's even a brief recreation of the famed resuscitation scene from James Cameron's The Abyss.

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