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Speed Racer Our rating: Rate this movie   MPAA rating: PG (for sequences of action, some violence, language, and brief smoking) Genre: Action Theater release: May 09, 2008 by Warner Bros. Pictures Directed by: The Wachowski Brothers Runtime: 2 hours 16 minutes Cast: Cast Emile Hirsch (Speed Racer), Christina Ricci (Trixie), John Goodman (Pops Racer), Susan Sarandon (Mom Racer), Matthew Fox (Racer X), Roger Allam (Royalton), Paulie Litt (Spritle), Benno Fürmann (Inspector Detector), Kick Gurry (Sparky), Rain (Taejo Togokhan) Related: Talk About It/Family Corner

Any little boys who grew up with Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars like I did probably played with them in three different ways. You could hurtle them across the kitchen floor like a game of marbles, crashing them in your own demolition derby. You could push them along all manner of terrain—across the floor, up the cabinets, under the toaster, down Mom's back, over the dog—while ignoring all laws of physics (hey, I was only 6). Or you'd buy one of those fantastic plastic race tracks that allowed you to configure loops for your car to build momentum before jumping the volcano and narrowly miss being eaten by the lava shark (it's all about the jump, not the realism).

Emile Hirsch as Speed Racer

All child's play, of course, and exactly the tone that the Wachowski Brothers seem to be going for in Speed Racer, their first movie since the glory and disappointment of The Matrix trilogy (though their influence as producers was deeply felt in V for Vendetta). Speed Racer is also intended to be their first family-friendly project in their spotty career, though it's more the sort of campy adaptation that only diehard fans can love.

And by fans, I'm not talking about Gen X-ers with fond memories of the stylish cartoon from the late '60s, self included. This movie is more for the 30-somethings who still live in their parents' basement and to this day revere Speed Racer's origins as Japanese manga and anime. Based on the cult classic, Speed Racer is best appreciated for its replication of style, since the story is thin enough to see through.

Christina Ricci as Trixie

Our hero's real name is Speed Racer (Emile Hirsch of Into the Wild)—he's a member of the Racer family, an actual family of racers headed by Mom and Pops Racer (Susan Sarandon and John Goodman). As his name implies, Speed loves racing and has a natural talent for it. This point is driven home immediately before the opening race, flashing back to Speed's childhood, where he's unable to concentrate on anything but racing.

Speed's undeniable talents are noticed by a wealthy magnate named Royalton (Roger Allam), who offers Speed an incredible contract to race for him exclusively. Speed refuses, which enrages Royalton, who vows to bury the Racer family business on the racetrack and behind-the-scenes. Speed plans to save the day by, what else, racing. Helping him out are his cute girlfriend Trixie (Christina Ricci), his mischievous little brother Spritle (Paulie Litt) with his pet chimpanzee Chim-Chim, the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox)—who may or may not be Speed's older brother Rex, presumed dead—and of course, Speed's amazing Mach 5, a flashy white corvette tricked out with the same assorted gadgets found in James Bond's cars.

Roger Allam as Royalton, Susan Sarandon as Mom Racer, and John Goodman as Pops Racer

That's really all there is to know, but the Wachowskis go to great lengths to pack this movie with needless backstory and details. Watching Speed Racer reminded me of how I felt sitting through The Matrix Reloaded—I mostly just wanted to see some mind-blowing sci-fi kung-fu, but instead we sat through a lot of long-winded drivel from the Oracle and the Architect.

I knew this movie was in trouble as soon as Royalton starts discussing pancake recipes with Mom Racer (you only wish I'm kidding). In Speed Racer, the opening race is constantly interrupted with each character reminiscing on Speed's past; isn't anyone focused on the race at hand? Unfortunately, the next race doesn't come until almost an hour later, when an angry Royalton gives Speed a history of racing that goes on (and on and on … ). Come on. Is it too much to ask for more RACING in Speed RACER?

There is more racing in the second half, but the restless Wachowskis rarely focus on the high-speed acrobatics or the key details—like who's in the lead—so it's near impossible to invest too much interest in the film's action. The final race itself is impossible to follow in the home stretch—all flash, little substance.

The racers defy gravity, the laws of physics, and, apparently, fire

The filmmakers also ignore all laws of physics in the races, killing much of the suspense. To be fair, the cartoon wasn't exactly going for realism with a car that can leap through the air like a pogo stick. But here the cars don't merely run each other off the road—they engage in some ridiculous form of kung-fu fighting for automobiles that only hints at gravity and inertia. Said differently, Speed Racer plays like a less believable version of the pod race in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

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