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G-Force Our rating: Your rating:   Your Comments: see all MPAA rating: PG (some mild action and rude humor) Genre: Action, Comedy, Family Theater release: July 24, 2008 by Walt Disney Pictures Directed by: Hoyt Yeatman Runtime: 1 hour 29 minutes Cast: Sam Rockwell (voice of Darwin), Penelope Cruz (voice of Juarez), Tracy Morgan (voice of Blaster), Nicolas Cage (voice of Speckles), Zach Galifianakis (Ben), Kelli Garner (Marcie), Bill Nighy (Saber). Related: Talk About It/Family Corner

There's nothing wrong with G-Force that John Lasseter couldn't fix.

For that matter, the Pixar honcho, now head of Walt Disney Animation Studios, has already done this story right: It was called Bolt, and it was the first theatrical release from Disney Animation under Lasseter's watch (he also produced). If you missed Bolt in theaters last fall, it's well worth catching on DVD—particularly as a counterpoint to G-Force, which is pretty much the film that Bolt could have been if it were Disney as usual … which, thanks at least in part to Lasseter's absence, it wasn't.

Consider first the similarities. G-Force and Bolt are both 3-D family action-comedies centered on elite, high-tech, computer-animated animal agents. In both films, the agents are driven off the reservation by extenuating circumstances, where they team up with civilian animals (including a colorful pet hamster/gerbil type whose ancestry is said to include more ferocious species), face up to humbling discoveries regarding their belief in their own high-tech specialness, and ultimately decide that what really matters is the ones they love.

Agent Juarez (voice by Penélope Cruz) and Agent Darwin (Sam Rockwell)

Both G-Force and Bolt feature hamster balls in high-octane action, flashy pyrotechnics and stereotyped 007-style villains who turn out to be not what they seem. Both are also first-time feature films from directors with no more than a single short to their names.

Yep, practically the same movie, with one tiny, crucial difference: In G-Force, the computer-animated heroes share the screen with live-action human beings in a real-world setting. Which means that G-Force is from Walt Disney Pictures, not Walt Disney Animation Studios. Which means Lasseter had nothing to do with it. In fact, where Bolt was produced by Lasseter, G-Force was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer—whose record, to be fair, does include a decent family film or two (Pirates of the Caribbean, National Treasure) as well as a lot of trashy detritus (Kangaroo Jack, Bad Boys II, Bad Company, Coyote Ugly).

So while Bolt had, among other things, (a) actual characters you care about and relationships that matter, (b) a well-constructed story with real dramatic beats and emotional hooks, (c) a wittily self-aware spin on the premise of animal super-agents, and (d) slang and speech mannerisms that weren't just supposed to be generically hip but created a sense of place, from NY to LA, G-Force has none of these things.

Instead, we get (a) generic stereotypes (the serious leader, the hootchie-mama Latina, the hip-hop color character, etc.), (b) a story that plays like James Bond on nitrous oxide, with stuff blowing up good without the slightest dramatic or emotional resonance, and a resolution that makes no sense whatsoever, and (c) good old reliable potty humor, including an explosion generated by breaking wind into some sort of incendiary mechanism.

Zach Galifianakis as Ben, Kelli Garner as Marcie

The premise: Ben (The Hangover's Zach Galifianakis doing Rick Moranis duty) and his irrelevant assistant Marcie (wasted Kelli Garner of Lars and the Real Girl) are federally funded  researchers charged with developing a government intelligence program using animals. Their team consists of three commando guinea pigs—Darwin (Sam Rockwell), Juarez (Penelope Cruz) and Blaster (Tracy Morgan)—as well as a computer-whiz mole named Speckles (unrecognizable vocal stylings from Nic Cage) and a camera-carrying housefly named Mooch (Dee Bradley Baker, probably equally unrecognizable).

The plot: A wealthy technology mogul named Saber (Bill Nighy), whose empire includes everything from telephones to coffee makers, is about to activate dormant microchips in every appliance he has manufactured and sold—supposedly to enable the appliances to, I don't know, coordinate household needs or something, but apparently communication among Saber products is going to be on a larger scale. You don't suppose this would generate any privacy concerns, do you? (Ack!I started thinking. Better nip that in the bud.)

In fact, this already alarming scheme masks an even more alarming scheme, which is to sell large quantities of plush guinea pigs with commando gear to young children—oops, sorry, I gave it away! What I meant to say was that Darwin and company suspect that the microchips in Saber's products will be doing a lot more than putting new batteries and light bulbs on the shopping list, or whatever.

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