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Inside our walk-in closet, I pulled a bunch of Trent's clothes off the hangers and sank to the floor, burying my face in them. I lay there a long time, weeping and trying to breathe in Trent's scent, trying to feel his presence again in those rumpled clothes …

A little bit later, I walked into our office. I started the computer, and as the screen lit up, I caught my breath when I saw a little yellow square in the lower left-hand corner. It looked like a sticky note stuck there on the screen, and it said, "Tammy is who I dream of. Can't wait to see you."

Can't wait to see you.

I sat there, stunned, by the messages Trent had left for me to find. First the matchbook, and now the computer. I was amazed at how Trent continued to comfort me, even from heaven …

Gradually, I eased into life on my own. I did one interview with The 700 Club within a month of my return from Jamaica, but after that, I declined invitations to be interviewed or to perform. I had decided to take a year off after feeling God telling me, Walk away from this stuff, Tammy. Come down off the platform and let me put your life back together again. I'm going to show you that my plan hasn't changed. Your plan changed, Tammy, and that's pretty hard for you. But my plan hasn't changed.

During that year I thought a lot about destiny and our part in God's plan. It took me a long time to get to the point of believing maybe Trent's destiny was fulfilled. He so often questioned his purpose in life and wished to be used by God for something meaningful. Now I think maybe he was created to be a man who would change the heart of a woman. Because that's certainly what he did for me; he changed my heart and prepared me for something greater. My goal now is to pass along that message and help others make changes in their lives that lead them closer to God. And as I do so, Trents' purpose in God's plan surely is fulfilled.

Earlier that year, I had been ready to say, "I'm done." I didn't know which way to turn anymore with my music, and I was ready to give it up. But now I believe Trent's destiny helped change my heart and show me that I have it within me to give God something greater. That's what I'm doing now, rejuvenating my music and sharing my testimony with audiences around the country, including the awesome Women of Faith conferences. I want to pay tribute to Trent and also show others, by his example, how they can become more thoughtful husbands and wives, more fun to be with, and how they can bring devotion to God into everything they do. I want them to understand, as I do now, that even when God doesn't appear to be using us for his purposes, when we make ourselves available to him, he's using us!

Before we'd left for Jamaica, I had applied for Trent to be a support runner in the Olympic Torch Relay, a 65-day event in which runners would carry a torch across the United States to open the Olympics in Salt Lake City in early 2002. Fifteen days after Trent died, I was notified that his application had been accepted. The confirmation letter to Trent said, "You were nominated by your wife, Tammy, to be a 'guardian of the flame,' because you have inspired and touched Tammy's life every day, and she couldn't think of any other person more deserving to guard the flame."

I was allowed to run Trent's two-mile section in his place when the torch came through Nashville in December 2001. Trent's dad and sister Tara came down for the event, and my family came too. I woke up very early on the morning of the run to find a card lying on my bathroom counter. It simply said "TT" on the outside, and I could have sworn it was Trent's handwriting. I opened the card and read, "It's so hard not to be holding your hand right now, just when you need me the most. I can't think of a place I'd rather be than with you. But I can't change the circumstances. So, until I see you again, I'm sending you my heart filled with love and strength. Keep those thoughts close, as you are always in mine." It was signed, "Forever, Trent."

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